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| Blake and Riley |
I’m finding myself in a weird state of happy meets fear at the moment, My friend, Robyn (the one who was the maid of honour at my wedding) has had the most beautiful twins (Blake and Riley) and holding them (they are the first newborns I have held since Logan) has made me realize just how deeply losing Logan hurt, I find myself praying for them to be safe all the time and not the rational kind of prayer that everyone does, it’s way more “PLEASE GOD, NOT AGAIN” kind of prayer.
I’m freaked out by thoughts of their safety but at the same time I am so thankful for their lives, these two angels, along with Hananiah (Danelle’s baby) , Samuel (Yolande’s baby), Jacqueline (Mechelle’s baby) and Levi (Jill’s baby) – who were all born after Logan – have in a way restored my faith in the fact that, babies can be happy and healthy and that “things can turn out great”.
I’d be lying if I said my happiness for them wasn’t tainted with a longing for my own happy ever after, that I didn’t want to cradle a healthy little baby too, but at the same time I’m so proud, I think they are just the cutest things and they have really planted a seed of promise in the part of my heart where doubt and pain was.
The most amazing part of my love for these six babies (and those we are still waiting for JMoms you know who you are . . .) is that it comes from this amazing respect I have for their mothers who stood by me in my darkest hour, at the most critical times in their pregnancies – with tummies out to there – they chose to be part of my support system and when they could have been at their happiest they chose to share my pain. I’m a very lucky girl J
Also my friends make the prettiest babies, hehe . . .
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| Hananiah |
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| Samuel |
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| Jacqueline |
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| Levi |
