I have wanted to write a book from the time I decided that I could find more interesting things for cats to do than sit on mats as they did in our school books. I’ve obviously gone on to be a published writer. Poetry, columns, articles, but one thing I really wanted to do was fiction. And I’ve decided to go for it…
So here is the first page of what I’m writing. Please let me know if you want to know more about this outspoken photographer and her family below. (I have no idea where I’m going to find the time to write it or how I’d get it published, but you’ve got to start somewhere, right)
A sneak peak
First things first, it’s too cold out, why is it so cold out? Why do I have to wear my thermal undies from that time I considered taking up hiking as an actual past time – pre-Netflix, obviously – to drop my niece at school.
Let’s start at why I’m dropping my niece at school in the first place. Well, my younger sister and her husband are off on some business something or other in Ireland and they did not want Jade to miss out on school. Since I work from home and don’t have as much as a fur baby to take care of Deirdre thought I was a perfect choice – we shall discuss her bad choice making skills a little later. I was not going to say no to my little sister – well I can hardly say no to telemarketers – when she asked if my Goddaughter could stay with me for a month.
I mean I love my sister – mostly, usually – and Jade is really the closest I aim to come to being a parent. She is funny and smart and looks so much like me it annoys her father. Annoying her father is something I have zero qualms with.
He is so obnoxious and bombastic and bleugh. Honestly, he is one year older than me, one single year older, but talks to me like I’m in his presence as a high school work exchange. He also has zero respect for my job as a photographer. He makes me sound like I am the latest iPhone with “photo taking capabilities”. I’m not braggart by nature – well I try not to be – but sometimes I want to impale him with my photography awards. I work from home and am able to put petrol in my car and food in my mouth by, “taking snaps” like he likes to call it. So honestly he can just shove it up his behind provided there is space in his tight pants.
I digress, Dane just annoys me so much I want to push him overboard on a family cruise and snicker during his fake eulogy written by his fake friends. Okay, it seems like I have problems at this point or that I secretly love Dane. Nah, buddy! The thing is, he is charged with taking care of the people closest to me on this earth – parents currently living on the beach, not included – and he is just so mean to them. I don’t know how my, usually take no nonsense, sister lets him talk to her like that and how she allows him to make Jade feel like she needs to earn their love. It annoys me to my core.
Anyway now here I am with Jade in the back seat talking my ear off about some singer girl who wears giant bows while I try to figure out how this school drop off thing works. I’m assuming telling an 8-year-old to tuck and roll as you drive past, is not allowed at this fancy pants – name embroidered on everything – school.
Also why so many yoga pants? Do they give yoga classes for moms during assembly?