I logged off and survived

What a weird thing to announce, especially as someone who makes money through people logging on. But this weekend I logged off and I’m so much better for it.

Social media and the internet and streaming services are amazing. For many of us, it was a lifesaver/is a lifesaver, as covid cut us off from human contact.

But here’s the thing, no matter how in control you think you are, how mature you seem, how above it all you believe are, too much social media and being too accessible can drain you.

Let’s start with accessibility; zoom, WhatsApp, work. When people know you’re in the middle of a pandemic they know that “technically” you should be available. You can put in some more work when you don’t have to drive back to the office. You can join us on zoom since you can’t go anywhere else and I can see you on other apps so you best reply to my whatsapp.

Being sick has forced me to limit my accessibility since I am quite frankly too tired, too dizzy, too busy balancing life to be at anyone’s beck and call. I mean I’ve had my shifts cut by quite a bit and have been too sick to find a client to fill in the gap, that’s the level of tired…MISS ALWAYS BUSY is at.

To my friends and family’s credit, they get it, (and are all so busy and drained and probably traumatized themselves) that an immediate response is not expected. I’m the same if I desperately need to know something now I might call (as a millennial I’m shocked) but if you reach out through text it’s not a guarantee that you will reach me. I go out of my way to put my phone away when I’m in anyone’s company because we get so little time with each other these days, and we can mostly only see each other’s eyes, I don’t take that time and privilege lightly.

Then there’s social media, this weird place where people sometimes sell things that are not for sale. Like someone with amazing genetics, who dedicates their life to exercise will be all, “you too could look like this” when, uhm nah I can’t. People with amazing curls tell us that the right routine and products will make our curls bounce when….uhmmmm dude that’s not how it works, my siblings, most of my cousins, and even best friends have curls and no amount of routine and products will make our hair curl the exact same….it’s not a thing.

Also, everyone is richer, more woke, and happier than you are. Also, why is everyone so young and beautiful. Or am I just old and ugly? which one is it? cause, either way, I’m hurt.

My point is this weekend I decided to detox, I went away for the weekend with no internet access AT ALL…the boys were so shocked to find that you cant skip ads on SABC and I just stared out of the window for like an hour.

No one commented on me or liked anything I did. And I survived.

I think I’ll keep this going for my anxiety. Don’t get me wrong I love social media, most of my friends are from that town. I also love sharing tips and tricks and finding reasons to laugh.

I just want to change how I take things in, to share things because I want to share them, not worry about aesthetics and vibes and what the social media gurus are saying. I want to indulge in my love of music and art and k-dramas and romcoms and my fave Kpop groups and marvel characters and not have to answer to anyone as to when where or why.

I want to stare out into nothingness without constantly feeling like I’m disappointing someone, I want to get healthy, whatever that may mean for me right now. Mostly I want to know that- in this time where we are losing loved ones at an alarming rate – I filled my life with things and people who make me happy. I want to remember that how I make people feel and how I chose to keep improving myself is way more important than how I compare to anyone else.

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