It’s week 28 which means we are now in the third trimester and  have officially made it passed the dreaded 26week mark! This doesn’t guaranty our rainbows safety but it seriously goes a long way to protect my sanity!

Seriously making it to the third trimester is A BIG DEAL for anyone who has gone into preterm labor it’s SUCH A GOOD SIGN. Not that it cancels out complications (because it really doesn’t) but it gives you peace of mind and strength to take on the rest of the journey.

At week 28, Aidan is such a busy boy and its amazing to see how he reacts to outside stimuli…Like in church where he started moving every time a baby in the congregation started crying and last night when I was trying to make a smoothie he certainly made his feelings about blenders known! At first I thought it was a fluke, so I tested it, and seriously every time I switch the blender on he would kick up such a fuss…It really is such an amazing thing. Rob often “plays” with him, and without fail he reacts to Robs voice, he also seems to find people touching him quite annoying (he kicks, HARD, often in the face…)

 

I can’t believe how far we have come….On Sunday they had a memorial service for everyone who passed away last year, they read out the names of those who passed and you could go light a candle in honor of your person. It was a very tough to get up the courage to even go to the service (Rubbing salt in a healing wound) but we wanted to do this for Logan, honor him, stand up and be counted. I couldn’t conjure up the guts to go light the candle myself so Rob offered to, this was something he wanted to do for his son…Unfortunetly a mix-up came and Logan’s name was never read –  Cue the water works – It was like someone stomped on my heart…I just sat there stunned, tears pouring down my face…How could they forget him? Especially after I had been asked to check his details with the deacon, it was heartbreaking and for some reason just sooo sad and disappointing (they announced another baby’s death and the cynical part of me shouted, what made that baby more special than ours?).

A week of readying our hearts and our spirits and then we don’t even get the chance to honor Logan…I was shattered and we actually decided to slip out of church (something I have never done) and go to Logan’s grave instead, I felt rather stupid to sit there crying anyway.

I received an apology from the deacon later and the “assurance” that Logan was not forgotten, but by that time I didn’t care,  I had had a good cry next to my sons grave , I played with the dandelions that spouted next to his grave and stared in wonder at butterflies that danced above our heads (Two of my favourite symbols) and strengthened my resolve not to base my own emotions on other people.

I wasn’t angry and  still aren’t, I was disappointed and it broke my heart to see Robin so ready to honor his son, and be stopped, but I’m not angry…my mom got up just before Rob and I slipped out and lit a candle for Logan, and it reminded me again; we don’t need anyone’s validation to make our love for our little boy more real or to prove that he was here, we know what we know and that is validation enough. . .