Sometimes I interview myself…mainly because I can

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So I have been interviewing a bunch of mom’s who blog recently and thought it would only be right if I answered the questions myself so here goes:
-What do you do when not blogging?
I work  in the newspaper industry, I take pictures, I craft, but mostly I hang out with my two favourites…Rob and Aidan

-What made you decide to blog?
When I made the move from full time reporter to working on the design side of things I knew I would miss writing so I started the blog so I would have a place to put my thoughts…Also I used to blog as a reporter and missed it.
-What was your concept your blog?
I have my photography at mybutterflylens but over here it started out being mostly fashion and events, but as I changed the blog changed with me and now I think I have 5 main sub categories: Weekend in Pictures, Being Mom, Crafts, Interesting people and Fashion (this includes hair and beauty) I always wanted to journal my journey to being a exercisy type but since that journey is still to be embarked upon I haven’t blogged about that, hehe…
-Did you find yourself nervous at prospect of letting people into your life in this way?
It’s weird I see myself as a private/shy person and I think the blog gives me a fake sense of security…it never feels like people I know read it so it doesn’t matter, hehe…you should see my shock when people comment.
-Do you ever worry that your kids will be like “mom why are you exposing my life?” 
I made a conscious decision to only be very open about him while he is still little…but the older he gets the more I want to protect him and his privacy. But for now I put a lot of safety measures in place in real life but on the net I’m like every other proud mom who just wants to brag with their baby every now and again.
-Does your family read your blog?
I’m always surprised at who reads my blog, according to stats, most readers aren’t even from South Africa…my family only really read when I tell them I mentioned them, I think I talk to much in real life they don’t still need it in writing, hehehe
-What do you hope to achieve through the blog?
This is really just soooo much fun, I love sharing places and things and especially the how-to’s. My blog is a hobby and I wrote it religiously when the only person that read was my husband and like two friends and I will continue to do so because it’s fun….But I must admit I get a real kick out of people commenting and telling me they see something the way I do 🙂
-What do you think about the blogging culture in South Africa?
All I know is that I’m still small potatoes, compared to the rest of SA but hey SA was small potatoes until recently and suddenly blogging is big in the country and it’s great because I LOVE reading about other people’s lives… I’m a legit stalker like that 
-What do you think makes for a “good blog”
I love good pictures and funny honest writing. I would go back to a blog if it has that

-How do you personally measure success in the blogging world
I think the day a pr company sends me something more than a press release I’d be like, whoa go me! hehehe, but seriously  I think everyone measures success differently, to me it’s like if I can keep my loyal readers entertained then I win, hehehe. 

My weekend in pics…of birthdays and runaways

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This beautiful cousin of mine turned 16…she is simply the sweetest thing….LOTS OF LOVE KAY-LYNN
Photo: A happy birthday !!!! :D Daddy you are as smart as IRONMAN... As strong as HULK... As fast as SUPERMAN... As brave as BATMAN... You are most def my favourite SUPERHERO :D May you have a blessed day filled with lots of love and joy! Thank you for always being there. I cudnt have asked for a better daddy! 55 and can still get down like that lol mwhaaaz...With lots of love from ur princess ;) <3 <3 <3
My uncle turned 55 – Happy Birthday Uncle Ronnie

Meanwhile Aidan had a blast at African Sky’s Touch farm he seriously loved it…I loved it a little less when the scamp disappeared (Rob thought I had him and vice versa) He was gone for like 20 seconds which felt like a lifetime…turns out he was under someone else’s table!!! MY POOR HEART

he had to be coaxed out of here using a juice box as bait
Aidy loved feeding the animals at one point a goat rammed the gate where he was standing but Aidy didn’t even get freaked out he just walked away giving the goat a dirty look

I look mental in this pic but I love it

Hanging with daddy
Look who was at African Sky 🙂 Aidan’s friend Blake
– Shame they have no choice in being friends Blake’s mom and I have been friends for forever
Blakey 🙂
Blake’s adorable twin sister, Riley….Riley went crazy for all the activities and didn’t know where to start
seriously at one point she was rocking a toy horse while on a toy bike…hehehe
Look who else was there, the beautiful and ridiculously independent for her size, Jude
Jude’s super funny mom Leigh is part of the google mom’s play group 🙂

 And then later….

Aidan hung out with his cousin Kammy 🙂 

Two mom’s take up challenge to lead by example…hair wise

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There has been a lot of  buzz around Beyonce’s baby’s hair. At only 2 years old Blue Ivy has already stirred a lot of emotion all because her parents have decided to go the natural route with her. Okay so even I would stick a bow in her hair or puff it out but that’s my personal preference and you know what, they don’t owe me anything, so it doesn’t matter and neither does that stupid petition that someone started to get them to comb her hair – that’s more awkward than anything else. ALSO don’t we have bigger things to worry about? besides that girl can probably buy and sell me with her allowance, hehehe

Anyway all the drama around her hair made me think of my own and all the issues I had with it at school. My hair wasn’t what most people deemed beautiful so I was teased about it. Teased because I had too much hair, it was too long and it wasn’t straight enough and for years I fell into that trap. Chemically treating it and ironing it and when I went to the hairdresser the stylists would flip a coin to try and get out of doing it – not good for a young girl’s self esteem. Doing my hair was a whole day saga and now that I’m older I know why. It was a saga because I was going against my hairs natural tendencies…I’m finally learning to let my curls fly free, but if I have time I will straighten it because the point is it’s MY hair MY preference.

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Dealing with couple infertility from a male perspective

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June was a month where Fathers Day was celebrated across the board! Everywhere you looked and everywhere you went  there are reminders to celebrate your Dad and celebrate the privilege of being a Father. However – this day is, for some, a sad and painful reminder that they have not  yet been able to father a child or are battling infertility issues. Did you know that today, one couple out of every six is coping with the challenges of infertility. In approximately 30- 40% of these couples, the infertility is due to a problem on the male side.
Regardless of whether the infertility is due to the male or to their female partner or is unexplained, it is also common for men to experience a range of emotions. These feelings are often unexplained and unexpressed and may lead to behaviors and actions that are misunderstood by others.
Men are sometimes perceived as being unable or unwilling to talk about their feelings and experiences. Pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting are seen as a women’s realm and fertility and medical treatments often focus more specifically on women.
Our society also abounds with images of women as mothers, carers and nurturers much more than those of men as fathers and carers. The voices and thoughts of men are therefore often missed, silent and forgotten.
To fill this void, men who have been through the infertility journey are now starting to write about their experiences and about aspects that they have found to be valuable and supportive.
A summary of some of their ideas are:
•   Men may feel a wide range of emotions, including anger, sadness, confusion, anxiety, humiliation, guilt, embarrassment and shame. Such experiences may be due to feeling one or, indeed, many of the following:
•   saddened by the loss of their ability to provide for their family- â€ś I’ve let my wife down”, “I feel less of a man”
•   unable to protect their partner & their couple relationship from pain & intense emotions due to the roller coaster of infertility treatment and interventions and ongoing feelings of grief and loss
•   full of self doubt with the potential loss of manhood. Questions self- â€śwho am I?”- “what is a man?”
•   sexually inadequate
•   a loss of identity â€“ may feel he does not meet cultural, spiritual, family and
•   community expectations of himself
•   sadness due to the loss of personal dreams and expectations to be a dad
•   left out of the loop â€“ as the focus of treatment is mostly on their wife/partner
•   isolated â€“ friends & family are getting on with it and having their own children
•   powerless with a lack of control â€“ “nothing I do seems to help”
•   misunderstood â€“ by partner, family, friends, work mates
•   lonely- no-one to talk to who really understands and is without judgement
•   fearful- â€śI want a child but am afraid it might not happen” “what sort of father will I be if I ever get there?”
Tips for men:
•   Acknowledge your feelings. Find ways that work for you to deal with strong emotions such as grief, depression, anger e.g. regular exercise, massage.
•   Keep up social networks & interests.
•   Talk to someone you know will understand
•   Gain support. Work out who you can count on for emotional support & use them.
•   Find the right people to talk to. Don’t be afraid to seek counselling or emotional support- either as a couple or for yourself.
•   Acknowledge as a couple, that your individual experiences & responses to infertility & treatment may be quite different from each other â€“ not better, not worse, just different.
•   Take control. Work out what you can control and what you can’t.
•   Nurture your relationship.
•   Self care. Pay attention to your physical, mental & psychological well-being.
•   Treat yourself. Remember to exercise, nurture yourself with things you love doing, consider relaxation & stress management options, eat well, & find a balance in your day-to-day life choices.
•   Look after your own health. Remain aware of your own needs and wants. Supplement your diet with a fertility supplement such as PRELOX FERTILITY which offers a patented combination of Pycnogenol and L’Arginine.
•   You and your partner are in this together.
•   Try to balance hope with compassion.
•   Try and avoid being â€śMr Fix It”. Nurture yourself and your relationship. Listen without having to offer solutions.
For further information visit http://www.2tostartafamily.co.za or email prelox@lamelle.co.za


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(picture from http://www.nicewallpaperhd.com/)

The head and heart behind SA mom blogs

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Recently I have been raving about the moms I have met through SA mom blogs so I thought it would only be right to introduce you to the lady who started the whole initiative Heather Step…Reading her blog you get the feeling that you are listening to an old friend, she just has that comfortable niceness about her which makes you feel like you would trust her with your secrets within half an hour of meeting her…weird but true.
Here what Heather has to say:
Displaying Nicky-and-me-at-Wimpy.jpg



-I love what you are doing bringing all the SA mom bloggers together, where did the idea come from?
I guess the idea really came from frustration of getting all these USA mom blogger opportunities in my inbox, knowing that I couldn’t participate because they are overseas. I see how established mom bloggers are in other countries and I want that for us. I so enjoy writing, and it would be wonderful to start something to bring us together and see where it can go. I have just discovered this site britmums.com and have been dreaming a little!
-What made you decide to blog in the first place?
I started blogging to document my infertility journey. I attended an online fertility telesummit and got clicking away, one thing led to another and I saw this advert for the fertility blogs. I started there, then I moved to my own domain (surviveandthrive.co.za) and later after hacking, moved to onestepatatime.co.za.
-What was your concept behind the whole thing?
I started out just to survive my infertility experience and connect with other bloggers going through the same thing. Now it is about surviving the toddler years! I am just taking it one step at a time!
-Did you find yourself nervous at prospect of letting people into your life in this way?
I initially kept it to myself but now I’ve made it more public. I think the biggest risk was writing about my parenting opinions (attachment parenting, extended breastfeeding) and knowing that not everyone I know would agree. At the end of the day I am documenting my experiences and the ups and downs of trying to parent as best as I can, and although it may make me vulnerable, it also has brought some fantastic friendships and connections.
-Do you ever worry that your kids will be like “mom why are you exposing my life?” (I worry sometimes)?
I do worry about that. I think while they are little it isn’t such a big deal, but as they get older I predict my blog will probably change and I might focus on other things. We’ll see…
-Does your family read your blog?
Yes. My mom even comments sometimes. My husband helps me edit occasionally.
-What do you hope to achieve through the blog?
I hope to create a supportive platform for those going through infertility and for moms battling parenting struggles. For my SA Mom blogs site I would like to create more connections and increase the numbers on the blogroll. From there on I would like to build it up into a real blog resource for SA Mom Bloggers.
-What do you think about the blogging culture in South Africa?
I have met some awesome bloggers so far but I feel like I am a bit of a newbie on the SA blog scene. Even though I have been blogging since 2010 and connecting with the infertility community, I have only just started connecting with SA bloggers, going to events and doing sponsored posts. I am hoping to get more involved.
-What do you think makes for a “good blog”
A good blog is one where you can’t wait to read the next post. You have to be a good writer and build a connection through the story of your life.
-How do you personally measure success in the blogging world
This month’s edition of Living and Loving magazine had a list of the top mommy bloggers in SA. I think that would be success! Increasing readership, making money but still “blogging for profit without selling your soul” would be success for me.
Heather Step is a stay at home mom to Nicholas, born June 2012. After enduring five years of infertility he was totally worth the wait! When she isn’t following him around she likes writing and blogging at http://onestepatatime.co.za. She has also founded a blog directory for South African mom bloggers: http://samomblogs.co.za. Heather also used to be a Grade One teacher and has an interest in children and psychology. She has a BA (Hons) degree in Psychology and is also an Emotional Freedom Techniques practitioner. You can read more about that at http://healwithheather.com.  She lives in Johannesburg, South Africa, with her husband, little Nicky, and their two dogs.
List your blog: http://samomblogs.co.za/list-your-blog
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Another lesson in motherhood…even the sweetest kid can be a terror

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So yesterday Aidan was full on rude and I don’t think I was prepared for it, he is mischievous at most, maybe even a little naughty, but I’ve never been faced with the “blushing while being profusely sorry for my child’s behaviour” type naughty.
At most he is extremely busy and curious and stubborn but nothing really cringe worthy until yesterday!
A good friend came to visit and on arrival Aidan threw a spoon at her (I’m reminded of Austin Powers, “really who throws a shoe” but with a spoon) , a very weird reaction as he usually loves her (Maybe he was annoyed that she didn’t have her adorable blonde daughters with her)
First he was fine with me having a guest and there was nothing out of the ordinary, just the occasional “Mama Mama look at me” behaviour which is to be expected.
I clearly didn’t look at him enough because first he hurled his teddy off his bed then he decided to put his crayons in the nappy bin one at a time followed by wanting to flush his blocks down the toilet. Me stopping this resulted in him throwing himself down on the floor for a “dead man style, I will lay here till I get my way” tantrum. I ignored him and was met with this super fast reverse crawl that made me think of exorcist-creepy I tell you.
He then climbed onto my lap and proceeded to spit on the floor…YES! SPIT! he just lay across my legs filled his mouth with spit/drool and let it drip down…I was shocked and mortified.
I was even more mortified when my friend got up and he happily announced “Bye Bye”  then he kept interjecting our goodbyes by waving at her and saying “bye bye” and even pointing at the door and saying “go bye bye” SERIOUSLY!!!
I know that when it comes to things like this everyone has different tolerance levels, some people would think his behaviour was appalling and that he should learn manners and that he was clearly raised in a barn, others would be like, “arg that’s nothing my toddler just stole my car to buy a pack of cigarettes”… (I’m somewhere in the middle)
So what’s the point of my rant? well I realised later that he wasn’t feeling to well (blocked nose and slight fever) It also occurred to me that my friend arrived at what is usually “our time”.
He didn’t appreciate this. Clearly a creature of habit,  he is not used to me not being all his at that time of the day and didn’t know how to get my attention.
I guess it’s a lesson learnt…a reminder that he is a person in his own right with expectations and needs and not enough verbal prowess to express himself. Also he can be a naughty little bugger.
I must remind myself to try to make it clear to him that his feelings matter while making it clear that there is such a thing as “grown up time”.
Most of all I need him to know that I will always make time for him, even if it’s just a quick game of shadow puppets before bed or a phone call if I’m out of town. I need him to know that he is my first priority and that’s just the way it is, but at the same time he needs to know that this doesn’t mean there are no consequences for his actions or that I will condone rudeness or out right naughtiness….Quite a tough call.

Sheesh this parenting thing is hard…