Ask Hein (Dating: Parental guidance is advised)

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Hein Says:
Good grief I’m glad I’m happily married, dating is a bitch…the awkwardness of meeting, the awkwardness of getting to know each other, the awkwardness of that first kiss…it was very awkward.
I could never flirt, I prefered the lady who would say yes to me if I handed her a napkin drawing of two stick figures holding hands…granted the male figure was distinguished by a his huge penis which was drawn so big it had to overlap onto a second napkin…it left little to be said but said alot.
Here are a few questions I accidentally stumbled upon on a dating site that I thought I’d answer IF set up on a hypothetical first date but here my intention is NOT to succeed…yep Im pretty much just gonna be myself.

-What do you do for work?
I work at a rubber manufacturing company, not like condoms or anything but I do have condoms for later -wink- Oh by the way what is your name again?

-Where are you from?
Malmek…I love cats.

-What is the one thing about yourself you would like me to know?
(draws 2 stick figures on napkin…)

-What are you looking for in a relationship?
Im easy to please, I lost a very funky yo-yo when I was younger and if I could find that in a relationship I would be ecstatic.

-What do you think is the most important value in a relationship?
Faking interest, really keeps things going. Learning how to listen without falling asleep is an art.

-Do you want to marry or have you ever been married before?
Yes I am but only in Vegas

-What do you look for in a wife?
She must be able to take a punch, not bruise easily and/or be a slow bleeder.

-Do you want/have any children?
Yeah sure, y not? (grin excitedly) That does involve intercourse first right?

-Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes I do, I fell in love with a few girls like that peeping through their windows.

-What is your favourite month of the year and why?
I dont really mind, put on a light and they all come fluttering in anyway…oh you said month…

-If you were an animal in the wild what would you be?
Wild

-Do you believe the cup is half empty or half full? Are you an optimist or pessimist?
Always filled, liquor stores are never far off so optimistic.

-What do you do for fun?
Drink till I pass out in my own vomit with my pants inexplicably at my ankles…the fun part is trying to remember why, twice now it involved the police and Charlie Sheen motivational tweets.

-Is sexual compatibillity important to you?
Different strokes for different folks…just a few strokes for me tho.

-Are there any causes u believe in or stand for?
Uhm…yes…because

-Do you find yourself prejudiced or biased in any specific area?
Not really, I can be biased or prejudiced anywhere.

Good thing Im married right?
Have a great Easter weekend everybody!!!

*picture from www.gloryhousecatering.com

Tuesdays are shoe days : nude heels

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HAPPY TUESDAY – what shoes are you wearing?

Today I’m in a pair of nude heels which go with absolutely everything (well I think they do) They are from Edgars and were the last pair of three’s *satisfied evil laugh* I love them even though they not quite the Jimmy Shoo’s below, they are like my consolation untill I win the lottery, hehe

Happy Birthday Mommy

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Today is my mom’s birthday according to her she is 20 20 something, lol, she’s actually still pretty young and (annoying as this may be) still in great shape.
We didn’t always get along too great, but these days she is one of my best friends because time(age) has taught me that while I thought we had nothing in common the opposite is true.
In a lot of ways I am the part of her she tries to hide, emotional and often dramatic, I am the dreamer who carries her heart on her sleeve and trusts way too easily. She is the head strong no nonsense, put your trust in yourself type who never does anything to please others, help others yes!,  please others? not so much.
But with time I realised I’m actually a lot like her always taking charge and valuing my independance and like me my mom has a big creative side to her.
She called me a high maintenance child/teenager and I called her unsympathetic, but things have changed and I like to believe the dreamer in me has helped her learn to dream again, while she taught me to never apologise for who I am (still learning) , to rely on myself, but never take people for granted always treating others how I want to be treated.
She is also one of the funniest people I know.

– Happy Birthday mom, thanks for everything from walking me to school before your shift when I was little to waking up early to help me revise for exams and going out of your way for me no matter what.
Thanks for mothering without smothering and for being you.

LOVE YOU ALWAYS

So I’m watching this now (Quotes)

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The Guys:  Richard Hammond, Jeremy Clarkson and James May

Apparently I like Top Gear…. Very odd since I usually only like cartoons,  shows about food and The Big Bang Theory. Robin is loving my sudden interest in what I usually call catnip for boys and we watched four episodes this weekend not counting a rerun. So because I could’nt understand what was pulling me towards the show (despite them talking about cars in British accents and me not caring about cars and not having any opinion on British accents) I googled some info on it and realised, the thing that has me hooked is that they are just so darn funny!!, I could not care less which car beat which doing what where, but the commentary is priceless like:

— [on the Renault Vel Satis]
Jeremy: It’s capable of going fast in the same way that Queen Victoria was capable of running. It just doesn’t seem to like it very much.

— [Presenting the new BMW Z4]
Richard: You can stick a BMW badge on a dead cat – and people would still buy it.

— Jeremy: While we’re on the subject of parking, I, um… you know where we nail this program together, it’s in the middle of London, okay, there’s a multi-storey car park next door, two hours: £9 in there. So if you’re two hours and five minutes, eighteen quid. Well, I went into Oxford last weekend, parked on double-yellow lines, right outside where I wanted to be, okay? Took the children out for lunch, went to see James Bond, got back five hours later… twenty quid parking ticket. That’s pretty reasonable!

—[Still on the Audi TT gearbox]
Richard: Is it an automatic or a manual?
Jeremy: It’s witchcraft! That’s what it is.

—[On the MG SV.]
Jeremy: If Oliver Reed and Russell Crowe made mad man-love on the set of Gladiator in an angry brawl, this would be the result.

— Jason: …and the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car…
Jeremy: Yeah…
Jason: …in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

— [On his Bentley T2]
James: I’ve got furniture that handles better than this thing!

— [on the Smart Roadster‘s transmission]
Jeremy: The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… “Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power sta— I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!”

—[discussing the Ferrari 360 Challenge Stradale]
Jeremy: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, everybody – have you driven this car?
Richard: I have, yes.
Jeremy: And what happened when you drove this car?
Richard: Well, I crashed it, technically.
Jeremy: Tell the nice ladies and gentlemen about what happened.
Richard: Well, I was going round a corner, and the next minute I went round lots and lots of corners very quickly. Span it several times.
James: Actually, this is why it’s called the F360, this model. Because you drive along and you go “FFF – !” and then you do a 360.

— [demonstrating the sense of equanimity to be found in the Jaguar XJR]
Jeremy: This is Radio 1. Now normally that’s like having a rusty screwdriver shoved into the side of your head. But I dunno, today I think it’s fine. I mean, listen to this chap, he wants to bitch-slap his ho. And why not? Good luck to you, fella.

— [on the Porsche 911 Turbo]
James: So you spun it, then.
Jeremy: I spun it slightly.
James: What do you mean “slightly”? How can you slightly spin? That’s like saying “I slightly fell off a ladder this morning.”

(for more quotes go here wikiquotes)

What I wore

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Like most Saturdays I'm going for relaxed look for running errands

I'm wearing
– blue jeggings (my ultimate staple from edgars)
-grey t-shirt (I love me some grey – Truworths)
– grey jazz shoes (mr p)
– grey swing top (I forgets)

Have a good Saturday all

Doctor Schoctor

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Feel free to call me crazy, but nothing makes me feel quite as sick as going to the doctor.
It fills me with so much dread I often think the doctor I should be visiting would have me on a couch explaining "how that makes me feel".
But seriously I have weirdest thoughts while waiting at doctors offices. After chatting to receptionist who would clearly rather be doing anything, anything at all expect speak to me (why are they always so rude!) I find myself in waiting room mentally muttering to myself… (Hey score!!! A nice receptionist she must have failed the bitch test)

-ok gotta mentally list what's wrong with me or I'll end up with no answer to the "so what can I do for you today/what seems to be the problem" question. Crap now I can't remember, why am I here anyway? Everyone else looks like they are dying, now I'm either going to end up looking like a hypocondriac or I'll take one of the other patients illnesses with me, good 1! come in with flu leave with TB.
I hate being here wish the husband wouldn't get tired of nagging and drag me here. I don't like waiting much and the magazines are older than my baby sister. If I bring my own mags I always get looked at like I'm hogging then stealing the good 1s. Yes I over think things damn waiting room gives me to much damn time to think! Where was I oh making list of ailments, damn can't remember. Last thing I need is to make a miraculous recovery when my name is about to be called (not that I don't want to get better, just would prefer it happened at home watching tv not while doctor looks at me wanting answers to his probing questions). In the past ailments have included falling off the same horse three times into a cactus and falling down stairs with spoon in my mouth and hurting jaw, getting into scuffle with muggers and dislocating my shoulder, a locked jaw, ears that wouldn't stop ringing, a broken toe from kicking the pillow, this doctor must think I'm such a drama queen, bleugh it's my turn and luckily all the anxiety has made me look rather sick, good start…
PS. Just walked in and new dr was actually at my school, awkward much