Category: being mom

Motherhood it good for my self-esteem

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Kids, I find, are great for your self-esteem…my one especially

 

He thinks I’m an awesome writer:

I wrote him a story and now he insists I tell it to him every night… Then I get,”nice mama, again” 🙂

He thinks I sing really well:

“Mama we sing”… he has even told other people to shhhh so mama can sing

He thinks I make a great cup of tea:

num num tea  …. tanku

He thinks I’m a fantastic crafter:

WOW, mama pwetty

He thinks I can heal hurt with a hug and a kiss:

Kissy “einana” mama

He thinks I’m a Superhero:

He can do anything as long as I’m holding his hand or he can at least see me

He thinks I’m a snazzy dresser:

says nice or pwetty if he like’s what I’m wearing

He doesn’t mind my scars:

lifts my top so he can snuggle on my tummy when watching tv

– He showers me with butterfly kisses and hugs me when I’m sad and always (well nearly always, lets just say often)  appologises for being naughty, with a snuggly hug..

 

This kid thinks I’m awesome and when I am with him, I do kinda feel pretty awesome

A broke Christmas-just what Santa ordered

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I’m heading for a broke festive season, but for some reason, I’m not too stressed about it…
santa
As long as I can remember December has been a time of excess. Of new clothes, fully stocked snack cupboards and days out. And as I got older, my single days, it was also when I could pay off credit card debit (not all that good with money this girl)
This year not so much. We are not getting Christmas bonuses so that excess is but a dream. We have what we have. Our bills are paid, we have food in the fridge but that’s kinda IT.
There is no extra money for outings and weekends away and all round Christmas jollification.
I was down about it, because well parties are still happening whether you can afford them or not.
Christmas outings, gifts for everyone, this all costs money…
It costs even more now that the price of everything has gone up! How am I paying R1000 for a R500 basket of food! And we had a couple of cash knocks recently, like broken window, smashed tire and then upgrading our car (all those hidden costs) Also medical aid kinda ran out, but our being sick didn’t run out.
Don’t get me wrong I know we are blessed, that our ends meet, I just sometimes wish it was more of an embrace than this fist bump, head nod, that we have going. hehe
But you know what, in the current economic climate we are of the lucky ones “Another day in paradise” like the song says.
Especially since I know so many people who have been retrenched this holiday season. MANY. I also have a co-worker who lost her home to a house fire. She is so super awesome and this breaks my heart. Not to mention all the people I know who passed away recently. It is not the Merriest of Christmases people, but it reminds me just how blessed I am.
I mean after all I am typing this at my wifi enabled laptop, with DSTV in the background while my child eats what I think is his 3rd Squish for the night (are those things addictive?)  So we are blessed.
And this lack of money is making me tap into my creative resources…and making me honest  –  I have already told my friends, that I’m broke and that I’m only buying for kids this Christmas so they will have to wait for their birthdays 🙂
For some however…
I’ve made gifts:
This is vanilla latte sugar scrub hearts…
The diy will be on BLOGSHARECONNECT
with my other quick gifts on there 🙂

I also made a gingerbread scrub 🙂
and for us I made ornaments:
Homemade white clay ornaments
And instead of going to restaurants we are doing pot lucks and bring and braais and picnics in the free park. I have even convinced my friend who owns a beauty spa to give me beauty treatments in exchange for a family photoshoot (hehehe, win win)  Also next week when I’m on leave, I might not be traveling anywhere for the holiday…But we have a pretty outdoor courtyard where I can read under my favourite tree and Aidan can play to his heart content and I’m doing my own version of advent calendar with him, by doing something Christmassy every night till then…
you know what?
I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS BLESSED 🙂

When your child doesn’t call you mom…

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I have always wanted to be called, mom, mama, mummy…even when I wasn’t sure I wanted to have kids I thought it would be pretty cool to carry that moniker…but no such luck

Yes  I am a mother, I have the most beautiful little cherub who seems to be growing his vocabulary every day…just yesterday he told me to “shhh and dudu” so he could steal my lemonade undisturbed.

He calls me ma, and although I have NO problem being  called ma, I do have a problem with the fact that I share the name with, my mom, Rob’s mom, Aidan’s teacher and occasionally my sister, sister-in-law and cousin.

 Let’s not beat around the bush; at ANY given time ANYONE could be ma. Ma almost means woman I trust. If he is in your care you will most probably become ma within a few hours.

As silly as this sounds, it really hurts my feelings. No I  do not think my 19month old has ulterior motives to what he calls me, but for the love of all that’s motherly don’t I deserve some sort of separation from the masses?

At the risk of sounding like a sitcom grandmother…I only carried him for nine months, went through the pain that is an emergency caeser, stayed up late with him when he was colicky, nursed him back to health and so on and so forth.

How does his dad, my dad, my grandfather, his uncles, even the cat have a name!!!

Just venting, I know he is still learning but seriously throw your mom a bone here Aidan!

   

Grieving parents: when your “Now” gets sick your “Then” haunts

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Logan on left, and “Born of Fire” meaning of Aidan’s name on right
Having a sick baby is not uncommon. Especially if the “sickness” is flu, upset tummy, and so forth. This is the norm and as emotional as having a sick child is, it’s one of those things we know we have to deal with and we just do. Because we are moms and that’s like on page one of the job description.
 
Why then did I find myself clutching an overheating toddler while fighting back tears at the emergency room of our local hospital just a night ago?
Why did it feel like my heart was being ripped out and that I was punched so hard in the stomach I could hardly breath…
Why did I want everyone to shut up and stop talking sense and in fact just wake me up when it was all over.
 
I realised that it wasn’t just about Aidan, it was largely about Logan…
This hospital where I was holding my son while waiting my turn is where I came looking for help with Logan and this is where I had to leave him behind.
The fear and nausea inducing sadness was not coming from my head, but my heart. I had somehow convinced myself of ridiculous unfounded things and making myself sick…
 
In my head;
I was here to bring Aidan to the hospital and again return home empty handed.
I would have to pack up his clothes and toys and give everything away…I would have to endure the pain, the heartbreak and the stigma all over again.
My life would yet again come to a stand still and this time around I wasn’t so sure if I could start it up again, or if I would want to.
 
Naturally I was getting ahead of myself. Aidan simply had a fever brought on by flu. He was happily chatting away and being very brave and cooperative with the tests. I was the one “not well”.
He was praised for being a good patient and one of the sweetest toddlers they had seen. He was his usual busy self so why was I a basket case?
 
It’s the first time Aidan has been back to the hospital he was born at, the hospital he spent the first days of his life learning to breath at (I wasn’t sure he would ever come home) and the hospital his brother stopped breathing at 🙁
This place has so many memories , good and bad, and I guess taking him there  was just another plaster that needed to be ripped off.
 
I forget how damaged I still am, how my heart isn’t completely whole yet…but it’s a journey this grieving thing and even though I get a flat tyre or run out of petrol every now and again, the journey goes on 🙂

As stubborn as a mule or should I say an Aidan

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My blog post just disappeared and I don’t know why 🙁 here is what I managed to save….damn you interwebs damn you

Over the last few weeks Aidan has become increasingly stubborn. A kind of stubborn that has me praying that it is “just a phase”

 Rob says Aidan gets his stubborn nature from me…which is funny as I don’t full out ignore people when they talk to me and I don’t refuse to do things that were not my idea. I certainly don’t refuse to sleep and walk around a dark house like a tokoloshe (African mythical creature similar to a goblin) and I don’t make my mom’s trips take forever by sitting down and refusing to walk or be picked up… exclaiming NO!

This kid loves the word no, no this and no that! you cant get any answer from him, just loud very serious NO! or a shoulder shrug, lots of shoulder shrugs, it’s like a 16-year-old in a 1-year-old body

REPEAT AFTER ME:
 This too shall pass, don’t run away from the baby, this too shall pass