a hug from abroad. . .

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This morning a fellow “mom of an angel” broke my heart (in a good way) with a kind gesture, as time goes on people, are satisfied that you must “be better now” and “what happened” is mentioned less and less, which is a good thing in some ways. But every now and again it’s nice to have Logan’s life acknowledged in whatever small way 🙂
I found out about Shauna on one of the many baby loss forums I had visited just after Logan died, After losing her own angel, she started a garden of pinwheels (she lives in the US) honouring babies that have become angels, way too soon. She blogs about them and her life on http://www.pinwheelsfromheaven.blogspot.com/ I asked her to add Logan and she ended up going way beyond that, creating these beautiful memorial settings, taking pictures and sending them to me. She used his name important dates and so on to make keepsakes for me; any one who lost a newborn (or had a baby born sleeping) will tell you that because they leave so soon, keepsakes are few and far between and every little gesture means the world.
Today, a day before we reach the 4month mark, she mailed me again, with a light drawing she did and just a message to check in. . . it means the world to be “remembered” by someone who has her own painful loss to deal with. . .
THANX SHAUNA
“BIG HUGS”

Going for my dream…

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Ok so I decided that I need to make the first step towards my children’s photography dreams and I did, by scheduling my first photo shoot and getting a logo done (by my super talented friend Justin Main) here is my logo and my first shoot (excluding practise runs with relatives):

The name, My Butterfly lens is in honour of Logan, My Butterfly 🙂

This is a night shoot I did with 3-year-old Skeigh, we are doing daytime photos this coming weekend, but I just had to share the first pics, she is too cute for words :

So this weekend I . . .

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Built a little memorial garden in our front yard. A very good friend of mine reminded me that I had set out to build one and just never got around to it. So armed with sandpaper, paint, flowering plants and gardening supplies I set out to make a little “Love Garden” in honour of Logan.
According to the experts, “A memorial garden provides a long-lasting tribute to a loved one who has passed away, as well as offers a place for the survivors to remember and to heal”
This is what I hope my tiny little garden will be.

WHAT I DID:

I sanded the concrete fence behind the section I’m using for a garden, I then painted it green, with little hand painted flowers, I also painted a section of it with chalk board paint so I could write down what ever mantra/phrase or verse was in my heart at the time.  (keep in mind handy work is not my thing and I now have a new found respect for painters)

It currently reads “No Fear, Just Faith” and “Love Live Laugh” both phrases that have deep meaning in my life in the moment.

I found a old bird bath among my moms gardening things and gave it a fresh coat of paint, I also picked up some pretty Chrysanthemums from a local nursery.
It is all a work in progress, but then again so is my healing . . .

Have a great week 🙂

My Beauty Basics

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They say you can tell a lot about a person by what they have in their medicine cabinet (and I don’t mean medication) I mean beauty products. . . Here are the top ten products I cant live without, ok I can but prefer not to:

 

1. Nivea Pampering body oil

   – I initially bought it because of the novelty value of a oil that turns into a foam – how cool is that – but the smell and the way it makes my skin feel keeps me coming back, I use it with number 2 on by list


2. Exfoliating gloves

   – Winter has my skin feeling very dry and scaly (over share I know) but regular use of my trusty (cheapo-like 30 bucks from clicks) exfoliating gloves, really helps especially when used before number 3


3. Bio Oil

  – With the scars from my emergency c-section (right down the middle of my tummy) and the general post pregnancy stretching, Bio oil has become a saving grace (I just need to remember to use it more)

4. Aussie, hair products
  – My hair is pretty moody, so I need to change my products pretty often, recently I received a free sample of Aussie 3-minute miracle and LOVED IT! I bought the set and am still pretty much LOVING IT!  I pair it with number 5

5. Paul Mitchell Super Skinny Serum
 – This stuff is a God Send! it’s not cheap, but lasts forever because one pump goes a long way, I don’t know the science behind it but it makes my hair dry in practically half the time and leaves it soft and manageable and that’s all I need to know

 

6. Kangol Nail polishes
 – I have different nails every week, that’s just my thing, and Kangol nail polishes tops the bill, it seems to last long (even just in the bottle, it doesn’t get old and thick fast) it dries quickly and doesn’t chip easily

7. Palmer’s Lip Butter (Dark chocolate&cherry)
 – It’s clear non sticky and PERFECT for the whole winter lip problem, I don’t do lipsticks (have giant lips so try not to draw to much attention to them) so it’s usually just this or for a pop of colour I add number 8

8. Yardley Rollo Gloss (Nude Shimmer)
 – It’s like grown up lip-gloss and adds just the right amount of colour, initially stole it from my mom, now I’m hooked

9. Oh So Heavenly Come Clean, hygiene waterless hand cleanser
 – Don’t know if I can even count this on my list, but I use it every day so it’s officially on the list 🙂 it does need a bit of cream after, that’s where 10 comes in

10. Nivea Soft
 – I usually don’t do the hand cream actually don’t even do body creams because it makes me feel sweaty (yes another over share) I do like this for my hands in winter and actually need to go buy more today

Changeling

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Recently I have had a few friends voice concerns about me “changing” or having “changed” I know this comes from a good place and a hope that my personality wasn’t buried with Logan, but I tend to think change is inevitable and quite often a good thing.
We all change, humans change, that’s what we do and in cases where something THIS traumatic happens, it would be rather odd not to change.
 
I mean just a few months ago, it was a Monday, my husband was finally a qualified detective and we wouldn’t have to do the long distance marriage thing again EXTREME HIGH, that night my family was told that the doctors where doing all they could for Logan and myself, but our chances of survival did not look good EXTREME LOW, the next day I was told my son was alive and well (me too, they didn’t have to tell me that, obviously) and that the nurse’s biggest complaint with him was that he was so bouncy and busy he wouldn’t lay still in incubator, making administering meds to him difficult EXTREME HIGH, the next morning I’m told I get to meet my little man MOST EXTREME HIGH EVER then less than an hour later I’m told he had a brain bleed and passed away MOST GUT WRENCHING NAUSEATING LOW EVER!!!
 
How do you come out of that unchanged? It feels like my soul has been blanched, how can I be expected to be the same naive happy go lucky (albeit extremely emo) person I always was?
Fundamentally I’m the same, I laugh at the same silly jokes, I get upset at most of the same old things and I still love my family, God, my friends and fashion.
But I see things a little differently now, how could I not.
If you know someone who went through something like this or even went through it yourself I’m willing to bet, CHANGE OCCURRED, because you cant put a broken heart back together without a few cracks showing and change really isnt always a bad thing, caterpillars had to change to become butterflies. . .
 
Have a great Tuesday, it’s super, toes are about to fall off cold here.