Choosing a path

Today I feel . . . . actually I don’t feel much at all, In fact if someone were to ask me, “How are you” the most truthful answer would be, “I don’t know”. Every now and again everyone feels like this I guess, disconnected in some way. Its unnerving, I don’t know what I want out of life, that’s the sad reality, how can I work towards something when I don’t really know what THAT something is.
The other day I found myself feeling a tinge of jealousy at an entrepreneurial friend’s success, I don’t want her job or anything, think the jealousy comes from the fact that she has such a clear sense of self of what she is and what she wants to be. I’m pretty self aware I guess, I know enough to know I don’t know enough – If that makes sense, but today, right here, right now, I don’t really know what direction I’m supposed to be going in, I think its similar to making a wrong turn and your GPS shouting at you “Recalculating, recalculating” I figured I’d be a “working mom” right about now, that’s the road I thought I was embarking on, but things changed, I’m “recalculating, recalculating”  but not sure what destination it is I want to set… Do I want to be in the corporate rat race?, do I want my name out there writing again?, do i really want to make a success of the children’s photography thing?, do I dare think of being a mom again?
Writing this has made me realise something, the fact of the matter is, the destination is not as important as the journey, Its time I focus on what I do have and do know, the important things like, am I happy with; what fuels me? who I am traveling with? and the mode of transportation? If I can figure that out I guess the road will do the rest…
I’m fuelled with faith, I travel with amazing people (friends and family) and I’m traveling on grace, so far so good.

Motivation for the week….

Everyone could do with some motivation every now and again so I thought I would share some of the quotes that speak to me 🙂 10 to be exact:

cmm111-teng.blogspot
newfunny-pictures.blogspot.com
comments20.com
mrbrain4mrbrain.blogspot
bestquotesaboutlife.org
motivationalwellbeing.com
freshlysqueezed.com
rishikajain.com



reflections-todaysdesigns.blogspot



picsmeme.com

My weekend in pictures (minus the pictures)

So it might look like I’m posting a thousand (some call it 3) things today and the reason for that is; I posted Friday and Saturday and only realised today that those posts never actually made it online. . .
Ah the wonders of technology, sometimes I think we put too much into our relationships with technology, like my blackberry that has been in for repairs the last 3 weeks and has me going through some withdrawal symptoms…
I didn’t do much this weekend, as my body decided it’s time I got sick again, OH JOY but not before I went to the dentist Friday morning, Dentists scare me. Yes they do, I  hate visiting the Dentist, Rob loves it, don’t ask my why, but I don’t, with the drilling and the needles and the talking to you when you can clearly not respond and making you rinse your mouth when your face is paralysed and you end up dribbling all over yourself and did I mention the drilling and needles, I’m getting Phantom Pains just thinking out it.
My new dentist is actually quite a hottie NO this will not make me go more often, it’s just a observation, he is young and cute and nice, the polar opposite of my previous dentist who was, and probably still is, a grumpy old man!
Side bar: My optometrist is pretty cute too, my GP is a very nice lady, but not my type, hehehe.

That was Friday, then Saturday I woke up suffering from the plague (some call it bad flu) coughing, headache, body pains, the works, I’m actually still trying to recover, and also realised my swelling was back!!! I suffer from terrible water retention, seriously I weighed myself  (I have a scale in my bathroom, bad idea I know),  on Friday and then again on Saturday – when I looked like a Oompa Loompa (in roundness, not in colour) and I’d gained 4.5kgs.
Crazy huh! The random swelling has been coming on a while now, and got much worse when I was pregnant, Dr has run every test imaginable and everything seems 100s, she tells me there seems to be nothing causing it, kidneys, thyroid, everything, checks out fine.
So the she told me to look our for things in my lifestyle that could be causing it and I think I finally figured it out; and it’s so stupid and not really curable, basically:
If I’m sick, any kind of infection at all my body retaliates by swelling up, So when my broken tooth was really sore and slightly infected, that made me swell up slightly, then I got the flu and it made me swell up badly, I also burned my arm not to long ago and was slightly swollen after that, and before that had a kidney infection: super swollen, so yes, its like I have the lamest super power ever I’m a fast healer; get over infections, even cuts and burns and (praying) the flu quicker than most people, but in return I have to blow up like a blimp while I recover, fair trade? the jury is still out on that one. . .
I googled my theory and found a number of discussions and forums where other people complain about this phenom, so turns out to keep myself from inflating I need to keep myself healthy (easier said than done)
That’s my weekend; bed, homemade chicken soup from Rob (because he is the bestest) and Disney channel movies, they sure do recycle actors hey.

Have a great week 🙂

How to wear your scarf like a DIVA

Fashion Friday (I know it’s Monday, blame my laptop)

So my computer has not been a fan of me since Friday, no idea why, but better late than never.
I LOVE today’s post. LOVE LOVE, because I have quite a nice scarf collection, if I do say so myself 🙂
 Sal has recently moved the site of her blog and it is seriously cool, seriously, check it out at SAL ðŸ™‚

To Logan (4 months in heaven)

(this was written this weekend, but for some reason, did not update)
Today, July 7th, marks the fourth month since I held you, four months since my heart broke into a thousand pieces, four months of drs and therapists and loved ones trying to get me back to “a sort of normal”.
I’m doing “ok” apart from a few medical concerns and even our therapist thinks “We are nearing acceptance”.
Turns out acceptance has nothing to do with being ok something happened or even understanding why, I guess it just means we know now that we won’t see you on this earthly plain again, like David (of the bible) said when his son died,  ” I will go to him, but he cannot return to me!”
I love you my little man, miss you soooooo much, we all do!
Until we meet again…