Category: being mom

Are you smart enough to parent a toddler?

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I don’t think I am…
Since Aidan started talking , I don’t think my general knowledge has ever been tested this much in my life,  not in my inter-school quiz and debate years, not on game nights not even on my matric question paper!

Aidan is basically a question generator… like they could probably use him for a game show or for creating an app (I know I’m not the only mom who feels this way about her pre-preschooler)

– Mommy, what are flowers for?
– Why is there only rain sometimes?
– What sound does a penguin make?
– What is a ducks favourite food?
–  What is a dogs favourite colour?
–  What is the moons real name?
– Why don’t babies have words
– Why are some things big and some things small
– how do ants remember where they live
(This was just yesterday!)


I want to give him a proper answer so sometimes I ask him to give me a second to think about it(or Google it)….but because he is only two I need to walk a thin line between education and being ridiculous with flow charts and info graphics trying to explain the theory of relativity to a not yet potty trained two year old…


– flowers are pretty to attract bees and the bees help make more flowers
– we have to wait for the sun to  fill the clouds with water and when clouds get full the water comes out as rain
– it makes a sound almost like a donkey braying (so says google)
–  not bread (As popular culture would have us believe) but fish, snails, worms, crustaceans, grasses, weeds, aquatic plants, small amphibians, insects, seeds, fruits and nuts (totally Googled this)
– it is believed that dogs only see blue,yellow and grey
– moon is the official name
– you learn words as you get older (oh boy do you ever)
– everyone and everything is different because the world is like a puzzle and being different makes us all fit together (a lil deep for a 2 year old but hey)
– ants you say? Here watch the Ants movie (not scientific but it bought me a little time until . . .) …. These ants walk and talk like people, are they people ants? I guess. Why don’t the ants wear clothes? Because only people wear clothes. People ants should wear clothes, this one is a boy right mommy? Yes he is. If he is a boy where is his penis, his penis should be in his pants but he has no clothes on. It’s a cartoon Aidan. Hey uncle ant where is your penis? Can I call him penis mommy? Oh where is penis going?  Penis ran away…BED TIME BED TIME! Do ants sleep in beds? I think people ants sleep in beds, do they put on pajamas at night but no clothes in the day. . . . . .

Oh how I wish I was kidding…

*picture http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/

On feeling wanted, but not needed

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I don’t always feel needed at home…
 
 
 This thought came to me when I was spending a few nights in hospital with Aidan and he was humming himself to sleep while other kids would not let go of their moms.
 
Aidan would instruct ; “hold me for a little bit mommy” and then continue to entertain himself and argue with the nurses about the drip/IV which he feels is very much like a human phone charger. 
“This thing makes me stuck, I can take medicine with my mouth I don’t need needles”
 When Rob reluctantly went home (only one can stay) I didn’t have to cook his food, iron his clothes or do anything but say bye before hand. In fact the house was much cleaner after he spent the night alone there.
 It’s the same when we are all home. My boys are fiercely independent. Aidan (at 2 and a half) can make lunch (cheese spread on crackers and a fruit mostly) and put tv on for himself,  he can play by himself, set up everything for his bath (minus the hot water) choose his own clothes and even successfully pack a bag for an outing (bringing it to me to check … I usually have to unpack a few randoms) 
 I’ve mentioned before that Rob cooks at home, he also irons, does the dishes and can go grocery shopping with just a few helpful hints from me (step away from the carbs your wife is allergic to carbs…that sorta thing) – (this makes me sound lazy, I do  can do these things too just for clarification, hehe)
 Their self sufficient attitudes make me feel like they can go on merrily without me. Everyone will be clothed and fed and entertained (thank you technology for that part)
 I know that if I died tomorrow they would be fine without me and that to be honest they could survive without me now already.
 I know this when it’s a Friday evening and I am crafting in my little studio, Rob is playing Xbox and Aidan is playing in his room stopping ever so often  to sneak a snack out of the kitchen and to make sure we are still around.
 DESPITE the knowledge that I’m not really “NEEDED” by them I have a strong sense of joy knowing that instead I am “WANTED” by them.
 I know that although Rob can cook a three course meal by himself, he wants me to be in kitchen with him giving my opinions and making side dishes he deems too green but eats anyway.
 I know that he is happiest on his own playing games or reading a crime novel, but wants me close by so he can catch my eye every so often and “check if I am alright”.
 I know that Aidan is a brave lil bugger who doesn’t easily back down but still wants me to  hold his hand when he gets scared.
 He can play by himself but I know he prefers it if I play with him and that I can get him to stop in mid tantrum if I promise to do a craft with him.
 He can also prepare a snack but wants me to stand there and see him “do it self”.
 I know I’m wanted when the two of them loiter in my craft room when I’m working on a project sheepishly asking when I can come hang out with them.
 I know I’m wanted when they leave me for some “me time” and phone me every 30min to check in.
 I know I’m wanted when I try to read and they come rough-house at my feet so I don’t feel left out. (For the love of literature let me be left out)
 When they get sick and tell me so every few minutes (men hehe) I know I’m wanted.
 I know I’m wanted when there are three couches in the tv room and floor pillows in the next room but they both have to sit on the bed/couch practically ontop of me because a foot in your ear is better than sitting alone.
 I know in wanted because even in my most unflattering clothes and moodiest of moods they look at me like some super hero princess and make me feel special.
 So although I don’t always feel needed I ALWAYS feel wanted and in some ways that’s even better.
 
– how does your family make you feel wanted

Dear future son, please dont be a jerk

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Right now you are two. You are cute and polite and you light up a room with your smile.

Sometimes you are so well mannered you put me to shame by asking the waitress or cashier for their name so you can refer to them as uncle or aunt so and so.

You love sharing and making other people happy is a priority to you.

You get so happy to hand the car guard money because, “he can buy some foodies now”

And if a child comes to the door for bread you insist they get a treat with it (apples, raisins, you will give your last biscuit)…but the thing is you are only 2.

Life has not jaded you yet, your heart has not been broken yet.

I know life will change you, people will be idiots and you will grow harder in your outlook on life.

With all this I have just one request for you, you can study what you want, marry who you want and within bounds (I’m still your mother after all) follow your own path just please don’t be a brat or a jerk!!!

Please don’t say things like “how long does one wait for service around here” at the age of eight because you want your milkshake NOW (I actually witnessed this)

Don’t be rude to staff because you think you are better than them.
– Your mom stocked shelves, your dad served food, and we expect you to work hard too.

Always say thank you and greet people with a smile. It costs nothing and can make someone’s day.

Keep your faith, and be a good person.

Don’t look down on others, make jokes of a racial or homophobic nature, or anything in “bad taste” really.

Try to keep your view that “hands are a body part not a colour” (you actually said this you smart arse)

And when you are told girls can do certain things and boys do other things please keep doing what you do now…question it! Question why you  can’t be gentle why she can’t be tough, don’t take things at face value.

Don’t make people wait for you with no explanation, your time is not more important than theirs.

Do not talk down to others, instead, stand up for them and for goodness sake dear child DO NOT BE A JERK!!!


*  What is your hope for your child/children?

My fish can not climb a tree (toddler development)

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little

I want to start this post by saying I know all kids are different, their development is different and I think it’s important to focus on individual strengths. You can’t judge a fish by it’s ability to climb a tree…and such.

I also know that when it comes to our happy healthy boy we are beyond blessed. I follow pages of children who face real adversity in life and I cheer with their moms with every seemingly small achievement so I know that development is relative.

 

But this weekend I realised that although I see myself as pretty easy going and hippy dippy, my son’s development seems to be linked to my own pride in some way.

 

I love my son, he is smart and beautiful and exhaustingly energetic. We are currently working on him being a bit of a joker and no one else getting his jokes (running up to people and pretend/sometimes not pretend kicking them or hurling mud at his cousins because it’s funny) even so, he is such a loving child that most people just want to pick him up and hug him.

 

*Disclaimer: he is all about personal space though, so it’s best you don’t do that unless he initiates it, honestly even his parents have been told, “not so much hugs and kisses” and the phrase “I’m feeling too sad for tickles” has crossed his lips more than once.

 

At 2 and a half Aidan is a talker and a thinker, everything is a question and some of our most memorable times are spent just laying on the bed/grass/couch with him telling me stories full of sound effects and impromptu dramatizations.

 

So what’s my point?

 

Well recently he got a progress report from school, nothing serious and the teachers say that because he is still so young we really shouldn’t worry about it to much, it’s basically just an overview of him at school and his development.

 

Is he potty trained? can he brush his teeth? is he courteous? does he know his shapes and colours?…basic stuff and because I believe you only see a child’s true talents and potential later in life I don’t pay much attention to these results.

 

LIES!!!!!!  Aidan did bad and it hurt my feelings. According to the report his development is slow, he needs to work on everything from numbers to his name!

 

WHAT?!?!?! The child who introduces himself as Aidan Jesse Meyers, doesn’t know his surname? He asks other people for their full names all the time, it’s funny and unusual not inadequate

 

He can’t brush his teeth,  doesn’t know his colours or shapes and struggles with counting.

 

WHAT?!?!?! We can bribe him with teeth brushing – he loves it so much, he even flosses, he doesn’t only know shapes he dismantles them: “a heart is two circles and a triangle mommy”, “A rectangle is two squares, hey mommy”

 

(I’m not humble bragging about my kid here, I’m brag bragging, lol, no seriously just trying to explain why the report card took me by surprise like it did)

 

And this is where my pride got pinched, I suddenly found myself wondering if all Aidan’s achievements are in my head?

 

What if the conversations I am having with my kid are all in my mind.

 

Maybe him pointing out numbers and letters are just my imagination.

 

Does everyone else think “she should probably have him tested, he seems a little slow”

 

Does it even matter. Why does it matter?

 

Rob, my mom, Robs mom, my sister, everyone who saw the card shares my confusion , they know him as an intelligent child and were surprised that he “requires help with a few things, which they will work on next term”

 

We recon it is because he is shy. His class teacher says he just quietly gets on with things and they hardly know he is in class. I actually had to hold him on stage because having so many people stare at him made him extremely uncomfortable (the feeling is mutual little man).

 

He is so much more than that report card and although I know it actually counts for nothing as he is one of the youngest kids at school , it got me thinking about his future. I  praying that he lets more people see the light that’s inside him. Even if he is not academic or sporty, whatever he is and whoever he is I just hope he finds the strength to stand tall and let others see the real him.

 

More than that it got me working on myself. Reminding myself that his achievements are not my own. All I can do is help him learn and love him holistically, regardless of whether he is first in class or last. Whether he participates or sits it out. This kid is a real life little human being with his own strengths and weaknesses which have nothing to do with me.

 

All I can do is help him find himself and teach him and answer his millions of questions and most importantly remember THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME!

*note to his teachers, thank you for your endless patience with him and for loving him as much as you do

What I miss about the pre-kid days

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It’s not the late nights out, leaving the house at a moments notice,peeing in peace, or the skinny little body (okay maybe those things too) but what I really miss is the SILENCE.

Just me and my thoughts hummm, now its more like hummmm *don’t touch that dont eat that* hummmm *step away from that* hummmm *arg I give up*.

I love my boy and his way of looking at the world, how he says things like “daddy always says no he must say yes a little” and how I know he was up to mischief when he starts a sentence with…”mommy you must not be cross”. But with all the love I have for him I sometimes miss the silence of the before days

I was chatting to a friend the other day about “me time” and sharing what that meant to us…”if you could do anything right now, what would you do?” and while she described a delightful scene of warm beaches and cocktails my fantasy was a little different.
I want one of the trips I used to go on(as a lifestyle reporter) a generic hotel room,hours to kill and soul satisfying silence.

I’m a bit of a chatter box myself (less so, as I get older) also I talk when I’m nervous or awkward to fill in the silence (symptom of my social anxiety) So this might come as a surprise to many.
To me silence is the most healing thing, when I’m feeling overwhelmed everyone just needs to shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…there is no radio in my craft room and if I’m really on edge the radio in the car gets put off.

But lately my search for silence is as fruitless as my search for chocolate that makes you skinny. here’s my problem…Rob gets it (most of the time he gets it, but he can talk your ear off, shocker I know), my mom gets it, most people get it, if you know me well you will know I sometimes need a solitude recharge…you know who doesn’t get it? my son

Between him and someone at the office who is always talking my ear off  I actually haven’t heard myself think in weeks.

Aidan is never quiet ,he even talks in his sleep.
He loves pointing out similarities like, the letter C looks like a moon and bread dough is like play dough you can eat, but mostly he is filled to the brim with nursery rhymes. The cuteness wears off after a while and you think to yourself that you are one nursery rhyme away from losing it and accosting Humpty Dumpty with Itsy Bitsy spider’s water spout.

I’m sure I would be fine if he went around singing to himself , instead every flippen song needs to be a duet. Sing with me mommy (oh and you will repeat till its to his satisfaction)
Meanwhile he is going through life like that annoying friend at the movies asking “what just happened” “whats in there” or “what are they saying”

He is constantly asking what random people are doing and saying and it gets real old real fast…I don’t flipping know what the couple at the next table are saying or what you gran who lives 40min away is saying!
Ask me real questions “whats this mommy?” and I will reply “oh that is a so and so used for so and so”. Don’t ask me “what’s that uncle saying” (the one that just drove by) and don’t demand an answer and then tell me I’m wrong when I venture a guess.

I just want to be able to think , regroup and refocus.
I want to be a good mom who doesn’t scare my kid away from being inquisitive, or whimsical (he likes to take a object and “turn it into different things” and make you guess…if the pillow from my couch is now a hat a guitar or a horse…)
I just want a little silence …  But then his dad takes him away for an afternoon and I can get some me time and I can page through a magazine and colour in and listen to Carla Bruni (who I love by the way) and take a nap, and then I realise I really really miss my little chatter box and it has not even been an hour yet.

Although I’d love some silence given the choice between Aidan and solitude he comes up tops 95% of the time…whaaaaat im honest 5% of shut up isn’t much is it?

What do u secretly miss?

When you feel like the problem

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Don’t get freaked out by my headline, I do not have Munchausen by proxy syndrome (making child sick to get attention for myself) I have “what now syndrome”

I recently took Aidan to an Occupational Therapist, I was hoping she would tell me his food issues are related to some textural problem which I could sort out with a few activities and Aidan would go from “pickiest eater in the world” to “pass the (ANYTHING REALLY) mom”.

I know it was a naive thought because therapy would have been way more than colour between the lines, “dadah you are cured”, but I guess I was just looking for a  “reason”.

I needed a reason for my son eating the bare necessities (if the bare necessities are crackers and apples that is).

I needed a reason for him crying when I eat and for never seeming to get hungry.

I needed that reason not to be, “actually you just suck as a mom, he should be eating so much more, shame, you suck”

From the moment they place a baby in your arms each parent has a variation of the phrase “Don’t F this up” running through their minds.

I’m no different, but when it comes to food I fear  I might have F’d it up. I’m not very good when it comes to tough love and Aidan.

Maybe it’s because I don’t often have to use it, a stern “Aidan I am going to count to five and you better . . . ” works for most things except eating.

Tough love has always been difficult for me, when he was a baby I could never let him cry it out, that whole don’t make eye contact after a certain time thing was a major fail and the thought of forcing him to eat (sit down, stick spoon in his mouth, you are not leaving till you ate this, style) would leave us both in tears ( he would also projectile vomit)

Instead I have just been working on giving him healthy options and pumping him full of vitamins and tricking him with smoothies and juices which contain vegetables and fruit, which has resulted in a healthy kid who  does not eat “people food” no fish fingers or mac and cheese, nix!

When the OT told me there was nothing wrong with Aidan I felt like she might as well have been saying, “the thing is Mrs Douglas-Meyers, you are just not very good at this mothering thing, your job here is simple, feed and clothe, and 50% is not a pass”.

Okay she didn’t say that, but I felt so awkward as I ran off a list of things he ate, she looked at me questioningly as she double checked that this seemingly healthy boy didn’t eat ANY meat, eggs, “wet fruit” and his vegetable intake is made up of sips of mommies veggie juice. “Yogurt, provita and dry cereal you say”, yes *cringe* and dried fruit sticks

“have you tried … and … and how about …” the answer to everything , “yes I tried , but he freaks out!”

According to her Aidan seems to be a “happy well adjusted little boy”  with no texture issues which is clear from his love of paint, play dough and messy play.

She suggested a dietician, but I’ve done that before, I have a pretty clear outline of what he should be eating… He just wont, he cries, he vomits, he sits defiantly, he does not respond well to “force”.

The OT then suggested not making too much of a deal about eating in front of him. I think she is right, I realised he knows it upsets me and food is becoming a source of anxiety for him, over the last few weeks the first thing I hear when I get home is “Aidan was naughty, didn’t eat all the foodies”

He responds well to having things explained to him. Example: “why is mommy cross, is it because of the mess” (when he pulled kettle cord) I explained that I was cross because he knew he was not allowed near there and could have burned himself. A few days later when the kettle clicked off he runs up to me and says, “the kettle is done, but I won’t touch so I won’t burn and you won’t be cross”.

We are trying the explanation thing with food now, explaining to him he needs food like cars need petrol, and if he wants to be big and strong he needs to eat food.

He also likes to feel independent, so giving him two or three options to chose from seems to be working , he even helps to pack his lunch in the evening.

It’s working so far (almost two weeks) knock on wood… He actually eats at school, I send a few healthy options and more than half is eaten every day, I’m extremely chuffed with this (Two weeks ago he ate NOTHING for three days straight). He still seems to have a fear of upsetting me and apologises if he didn’t finish everything, I’m working on letting him understand that food is not a punishment. Now that he is off the bottle things are really looking up

He has added toasted cheese spread sarmies to his meal list along with provita with the smallest amount of grated cheese and breakfast biscuits, he eats cups of otees and raisins, apples are always a win and if I fry potato chips in coconut oil (figured this out when my oven gave in and couldn’t do oven chips) he will ask for seconds, Aidan never asks for seconds, ever!

I’m feeling motivated to test out different foods and to branch out on what he likes… wish me luck, here goes nothing