I had to go buy clothes yesterday and it totally sucked!…I'd imagined that by the time I had to go back to work I'd be near enough to my post pregnancy body that I would have something to wear… BOY WAS I WRONG…because

I have over a week until I'm back in the real world AKA work, but pretty much nothing fits 🙁

So yesterday in the fitting room with this chubby girl in a too-tight dress staring back at me I nearly cried, this is when it occurred to me just how unhappy I am with the way I look…once upon a time the Fashion Editor of Argentina Vogue mistook me for a model (granted I was sitting down at the time,cause standing up there is no mistaking…) but that's a lifetime away and the other day I was mistaken for my mother (who is actually quite smaller than I am), how the mighty have fallen hey…

I know its early days with Aidan only being 3 months tomorrow so I should cut myself some slack especially with everything I have been through and the joy I have found in my role as a new mom, but I figure that I deserve to be happy in other aspects of my life too…

So yesterday when everything I tried on made me feel so awful and I opted to just buy a pair of shoes because at least I don't have fat feet…it got me thinking…

Although I'm pretty confident in other aspects of my life I'm deeply unhappy with the way I look and its affecting how I feel about myself as a person and even how I carry myself and interact with others… But only I can change that…I'm taking it on as a two step process, firstly I need to love myself "big butt and all" and secondly I need to do something about getting in shape again, as superficial as it may be, I believe if you "look good you feel good" , and I could definitely do with feeling better about myself… (wish me luck)

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A good friend allowed me to take pics of her gorgeous little ones this weekend…her little boy got a "booboo" though 🙁 so we had to cut shoot short but I think pics are still adorable 🙂

….here's hoping kyle feels better soon

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When I first lost Logan sometimes it would hurt so much I would feel physically ill… The emotions would get so much I couldn't contain it.

Now when I look at Aidan I have a similar feeling, an over surge of emotions… I can't believe how much I love him, I can actually physically feel it in my heart, I feel so happy its dizzying..(even though he really. puts me through my paces)

It doesn't mean Aidan replaces Logan, by no means! Logan will always have a place in my heart,he will always be my son and I still get sad thinking of what could have been, but these new found emotions do prove something, something significant… It just proves a broken heart can love again and that there is a day after even the darkest night . .

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Since I can't seem to stop snacking I thought its time I found a compromise in the form of low calorie snacks like these 'cinnamon and brown sugar apple slices' which I like to think I came up with by myself…(just 150 calories for two small apples-I checked)

INGREDIENTS:

one large apple or two small ones

2 tsp lemon juice

1/2 tsp brown sugar mixed with 1/2 tsp cinnamon (or more if you prefer)

HOW TO:

Core and cut apples into wedges then sprinkle on lemon juice and cinnamon sugar and enjoy 🙂

Great for when you need something guilt free to snack on.

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I had two small photos left after making key chains and thought they were just too cute not to utilize so I decided to turn them into fridge magnets…
(each of the magnets on our fridge has a special meaning so it was only fitting to add these,actually I intend to gift one)

MATERIALS:
Small photographs
Scissors
Buttons (I know Im slightly obsessed,lol)
Magnet sheet
Double sided tape

HOW TO:
Using double sided tape attach small buttons in shape of a border (I made a second version with bigger buttons in opposite corners of picture)
Then use more double sided tape on the back of the photo to attach a piece of magnetic sheet which you have cut to size.
Easy Peasy 🙂

*My fridge magnets clockwise from bottom left. . .
– Black and white circles with the words, “play,hugs,love,laugh,joy,smile,wish and hope” (bought it when we bought our first fridge)
– Decoupaged wooden block with the word, “love” stamped on (made by a good friend as part of a new mom gift)
– Three ladies with the words, “live well, laugh often, love always” (part of a gift from a long time friend)
– Double heart that reads, “Robin eu to amo Eleanor” (made for me at a market in Brazil)
– Square that reads, “cherish yesterday, dream of tomorrow,live for today” (from my ex boss, friend and mentor as part of a new mom care pack)
– A little dog with verse, “You are God’s special treasure – Deuteronomy 14:2” (as part of a Easter gift basket from a good friend)
– Large magnet with poem entitled “baby boy” (as part of a baby shower gift)
– The little magnets in the middle arranged in a crude heart are valentines themed words and phrases I received from my sister as a Valentine’s day gift
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Yesterday I realised just how much my life has changed…when exactly did this occur to me? Was it after I checked that my accessories not only matched my outfit but were baby safe too (he tugs on things and has a habit of rubbing his face on my chest regardless of what I'm wearing) or maybe when we were at the beachfront and he put up such a fuss that people were staring at me with either looks of "shame I remember that" or "control your child!" plastered on their faces (his cries also made me lactate all over my top-oh joy!) or maybe it was when I was breast feeding a half naked baby in a parking lot because the expressed milk was too little and he was making his hunger known along with the fact that he didn't appreciate the warmth of his fleece onsie…

I think it actually occurred to me after we got home and what felt like hours of kicking and screaming and scratching (fighting sleep). It happened after his nap (a long blink really) when I heard cooing coming from his crib and he looked at me with biggest smile on his face, that is when I realised my life has certainly changed, but I didn't mind one bit, I would appreciate a shower that lasts longer than time it takes to get water 'just right' and for once not eat a meal like I was taking part in a competition also maybe some time to do my nails… but truth be told I wouldn't trade "right now" for the world 🙂

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