New Year’s/Eve in pictures

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The end of 2012 has been pretty significant for me, this year with it’s pain, heartache and unexpected surprises (one of which is kicking me right now) has been a doozy! I’m more than ready to usher in a new day… put the past behind me and walk into the sun…it’s scary, a day on the calender certainly doesn’t make 2012 no longer valid, but as I watched the rain fall at midnight on New Year’s eve I was reminded – yet again – of wiping the slate clean and of being able to be “new every morning”.

So what did you get up to on New Years Eve and New Years day…seeing as I’m quite big and exhausted I did not do much…here is my two day holiday in pics:

-As is tradition we spent New Year’s eve with family (until back pain chased me to bed) before that Rob and I thought we needed some “us time” so we went for a few cocktails (virgin for me) to toast  what has been and what is yet to come: (that is a virgin Grinch which is largely cucumber, mint and deliciousness)

 
 
 
-On New Year’s day we were invited to a braai/pool party at our friends’ (Lyndall and Marvin) house such a great way to usher in a new year…

Faithfully mine

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I dreamt about Aidan last night, it was so weird, he was so lively and beautiful and although I couldn’t remember actually giving birth to him in the dream I had this overwhelming feeling of “he is mine” I couldn’t deny the love I have for this boy…crazy, beautiful….and I can finally say, exciting, it is roughly 3 months until I get to hold him and I just cant wait.

 

A cleaning lady at work stopped me this morning, looked at my tummy and exclaimed “pregnant again!” I was just about to get defensive when she added that she thought I was extremely  brave and that she had lost her own daughter years ago and had never had the guts to try again, and now it was too late for her…she told me to never lose my faith and I thought that was so profound, here this woman who hardly knows me tells me she is inspired by my faith… and then her faith in me sparks new hope to do just that, to keep the faith…

 

Faith I grip on to so tightly sometimes because I notice there is so little of it left and I just need to not lose my mind, other times I swim in a vast sea of faith, this positive, everything will be alright feeling that floats around me and leaves me feeling like things will be ok…I  like that, today I’m right there – Feeling that things will be ok and I will get to hold my rainbow soon 🙂

 

 

Have a great day and keep the faith…

Christmas 2012 in (cellphone) pictures

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These are some of the random highlights of the past five days… Pictures are in no order what so ever 🙂

Taylor and Kirsten show off their Christmas dresses

Anthea before Christmas lunch rendered her exhausted
Rob and I, oh my word I’m round and shiny (not long now) –
we are both pretty sunburnt too-no amount of sunblock seems to help 🙁
Rob’s first attempt at a turkey was a winner
 

 

My cousin Ronethea (Taylor’s mom)

My parents…as in love as ever

Rob and his brother Allan trying to beat each other up, it’s weird but not uncommon
We spent a day in Jeffereys bay…love that place, here is my sister

My mom and I, my leg is the pasty, swollen one…aaah ankles how I miss you so
We had just come from spending ages in water, which should explain, need of pedicure

 
Kay-lynn (cuz) , Allister (bro) , Anthea(sis) and Caz-lynn (cuz)

Caz-lynn, Shane (cuz), Kay-lynn, Saeed (sister’s bf) and Anthea

Rob with my dad and uncle in background
My Christmas gift from Robin, I LOVE LOVE that perfume
 and Marian Keyes is my all time favourite author,
so cool that he managed to get me her latest release

Could not resist getting Aidan (what we plan on naming little one) a Christmas gift
look it’s a baby tux pajamas… SOOOO CUTE



My family had a games day yesterday…Rob and I opted out because we are
old and boring, lol, actually I was exhausted and swollen from heat and he
decided to “babysit” me instead. We live next to my parents though so still got to see family

Darts are such a must have with my family, that and dominoes…and cards….
 (actually they just competitive)

Sad night but holding on for a bright morning

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I’m not over it…Even though months have past, I’m pregnant again and people are no longer scared to make eye contact with me. Many good and many awful things have happened to capture my attention…BUT, I’m not over it:

I still have nightmares, I still see his fragile little body fighting for survival and I still long and yearn to hold him just one time…I still wonder if he felt loved in his short life, did the sterile NICU make him feel abandoned or cast aside, or could he sense the loving eyes blinking back tears as they watched him?

Being pregnant  doesn’t make things “okay now” I’m still scared, there is such a familiarity in carrying his brother (for those who don’t know, our little girl turned out to be a little boy) and with the weeks steadily marching on leaving us less than 4 weeks away from the gestational age we lost Logan at, I pray that the familiarity never goes THAT far, I don’t want to lose another child…

It’s festive season and there is so much joy in the air…and so little of if seems reserved for my family , my aunt is still very sick, my sister spends half her holiday with doctors and the other half with the police (following the attack) Rob and I are working right through (well mostly) while trying to avoid all the happy new families that seem to have come out of the woodwork.
 
 There is no tree this year…we planned on getting a big one for Logan but now there seems to be no point, All the gifts I’m wrapping are for “other” peoples kids while every joyful laugh is for another mothers ear and every tear that falls is for another mother to wipe…

I don’t mean to sound like the Grinch’s less green but equally bitter sister, but this year has taken its toll on me and all I need is a nap, until about 23.59 on new years eve…

(Please note, I’m ok, sometimes I just need to vent, beat my chest or host a little pity party for one, today is one of those days, but joy comes in the morning, IT ALWAYS DOES)




Picture: ashley-annmoyer.blogspot.com

So this weekend….

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Look at my pretty pictures 🙂 I took it this weekend along with a maternity shoot I did (for those pics www.mybutterflylens.blogspot.com)
Any who the weekend wasn’t the best as my sister was attacked by a bunch of idiots, first she was mugged and then the people she turned to for help ended up being jerks who had some beef with my cousin, they then beat him up and when she tried to step in she was beaten up so bad that she woke up covered in blood and could hardly see or walk . . .  A case has been laid against them and although  it’s becoming increasingly difficult not to get involved with some vigilante justice we are trying to let the justice system do it’s work!
I’m quite peeved though, hate seeing my little sister so beaten up and in pain…the asses!

Warmed by snow

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To date I have still not had the chance to see and play with actual snow, it’s one of those things I’m desperate to do even though Rob insists it’s not as exciting as I think – He is bad with extreme weather conditions though, so I say his opinion does not count – Anyway though I have not yet had the chance to experience snow…Logan has, well sorta. A fellow blogger and mom of an angel sent me these pictures and it really warmed my heart…. She made a heart in the snow for Logan, it means so much when he is still thought of, MEANS THE WORLD! Thanx Shauna

“Just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you and Logan today. It finally snowed here so I ran out and made a snow heart for Logan by my Angel Tree.”

((Hugs))
Shauna Cox