The significance of being a girl

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So although we had our suspicions about the gender of our little one, we now have confirmation, IT’S A GIRL… This is significant because – I might have mentioned this before – After Logan’s death I struggled with the idea of me ever being a mom, I figured it would just not be on the cards for us.

That’s when I started having dreams…in one dream my grandmother who had passed away told me to be strong and that Logan was in the best care possible she also told me I was still needed on earth, in this same dream I was handed a little pink bundle of joy and was told that she was my baby.

That thought always stayed with me and  helped with the decision to try again because in my heart it felt like there was this “unclaimed child” just waiting for us. Then the doctor spoke to us about the chances of getting pregnant, the precautions, the medications needed and so on (turns out nothing was needed as God had other plans), and we prayed about it. I particularly prayed for God to reveal himself to me, I needed to know if being a mother was something God wanted for me and whether or not I had the “guts” to do it again.  That night I had a dream, Rob and I had chosen a baby name and I woke up with a girl’s name in my head, Mckenna (as far as I know, that name is new to me, seriously can’t think of where I heard it before) so naturally I turned to Google ;

 

 

 

How cool is it that a name meaning ASCEND came to me like that, it felt like  God was telling me not to be afraid and to rise upNow knowing that we are expecting a really a girl makes things THAT more special, it makes her LITERALLY a dream come true, I love my little Rainbow already

 

  

 

Picture: insidesham.blogspot.com

I love your ACCENT ;)

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So I have a new love, ACCENT NAILS! As seen above (ignore my slightly swollen arms) I’m still pretty tame when it comes to the whole thing…like today it’s just my dark grey by Essense and my light grey by Kangol but I really love the look, it’s one of those things not every1 agrees with and some would say is sooo outdated, but I LOVE IT . . . & I intend to do more and be more adventurous, it’s just SO ME!… here are some ideas I found online:
Click on captions to find out how to and to see more ideas . . .

A quirky moustache:
27 ideas



glamour says
DIY
DIVA
Retro

Going glitter

Not too old to be bullied

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So it occurs to me, at almost 30-years-old, that I’m still allowing myself to be bullied *SHOCK HORROR* I grew up a pretty scrawny nerdy kid who ticked all the boxes to be ideal bully fodder, with my nose permanently in a book, my accent apparently offensive to many and boys not exactly banging down my door, I had my fair share of hugging tear stained pillows while listening to sad songs…

When I “came into my own” I realised a sharp tongue was great armour and any insult was countered with a witty retort, people stopped “bullying” me and best of all I had enough friends who “got me” so if there was bullying of any kind I wouldn’t notice it  anyway…

So how do I find myself in this position so late in life? How am I, a grown-ass woman, finding myself being hurt by words and having to beg my dad and husband not to make any calls on my behalf?

Well, my mother has always said that words only really hurt when you yourself believe them to be true, she meant that being referred to as an outsider at 13 only hurt because I felt like such an outsider…

Same can be said for now, the person in question, a “family member” constantly hurls insults regarding my weight. I swear no conversation is complete without my weight and height being brought up, you know  how I’m a short fat woman who gets fatter everyday…I’m starting to think that this stings because I’ve always taken pride in my appearance and (not counting the bump) I’ve become a bit of a teapot lately (short and stout) she must sense this and seems to feed on me squirming…

Then there are the comments referring to Logan’s death and insinuations that I was careless and somehow caused pregnancy complications….see here for complete list of insinuations…

Then there are references to the baby I’m carrying now, passing away. “If it happens again” , “When it happens again” , “If you’re not careful, it could happen again”…

Comments regarding my kids sting the most…Logan and Rainbow mean the world and it kills me to be seen viewed as somehow at fault for not keeping them safe…If my mom’s theory is correct, my guilt about “not keeping Logan safe” fuels the pain and hurt I feel.

Then there are the comments about us not caring and never visiting (even though the person in question has only visited twice this year,both funeral related) this brings up guilt because even though we visit “like family should” I don’t feel bad about missing visits…it’s easier to avoid conflict I think…

There are other comments that make me feel emotionally bullied but these are the ones at the top of me head…

ANYWAY, this blog post is a way of me taking back the power, I refuse to have someone belittle me, I have always believed you teach people how to treat you and I’d be damned if I ever let people think treating me like dirt is OK…

So step 1…I’m admitting there’s a problem

     step 2…I’m taking back the power

      step 3…I’m making up the rest of the steps as I go along, wish me luck… 
 
*picture from spanishdict.com

sooooo much funny

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I haven’t done a fan post on a favourite show in a while….so here goes, I LOVE PSYCH for those of you who don’t know it’s basically about this silly genius, SHAWN, who along with his straight-laced but equally funny best friend, Gus, start a psychic detective agency and work with the police. Shawn’s father Henry and detective Lassister add some great comedy . . . here are some of my favourite quotes:

Carlton Lassiter: I need to get something off my chest.
Shawn Spencer: Is it your shirt? Please say no.

……………

Burton ‘Gus’ Guster: Brazilian airport codes. How do you know that?
Shawn Spencer: I lived in an airport for a month, Gus.
Burton ‘Gus’ Guster: That was Tom Hanks in The Terminal.
Shawn Spencer: Same difference.

………….

Burton ‘Gus’ Guster: I can’t spend the night in the museum. I don’t have my toothbrush, I don’t have my multi-vitamins, and oh yeah, I don’t want my soul suffering eternal damnation for disrupting the sleep of an Egyptian canal digger.

……….

Burton ‘Gus’ Guster: Shawn? What the heck are you doing here?
Shawn Spencer: I should ask you the same question.
Burton ‘Gus’ Guster: I work here!
Shawn Spencer: I should ask you a different question.

……..

Shawn Spencer: The important thing is that you got your cover story.
Reporter: Actually, it’s page 64.
Shawn Spencer: It really depends on how you fold it, doesn’t it?

……………..

Shawn Spencer: Gus, don’t be a myopic chihuahua. I have a foolproof plan that solves the case and gives the Chief all the credit.
Burton ‘Gus’ Guster: What is it?
Shawn Spencer: Actually, all I have is the phrase “I have a foolproof plan.” Beyond that, I’m wide open.

…………………..

Shawn Spencer: Life insurance policy?
Burton ‘Gus’ Guster: It doesn’t make any sense.
Shawn Spencer: Tell me about it… Dude, seriously, tell me about it. I have no idea what this means.
Burton ‘Gus’ Guster: You never could understand legalese.
Shawn Spencer: Oh, really? Remind me who it was who set up our Psych 401ks?
Burton ‘Gus’ Guster: Oh, you mean our 601ks? Because India doesn’t have 401ks.
Shawn Spencer: It’s a growth economy, Gus. We’ve already made like, 500 rupee.
Burton ‘Gus’ Guster: That’s thirteen dollars.

……………….

Henry Spencer: [watching Shawn jump up and down because he just figured out the case] Shawn, don’t you *dare* learn a wrong lesson while I’m trying to teach you a right lesson!

……………….

Shawn Spencer: How can you tell that someone’s a compulsive liar? I mean, assuming that their pants aren’t on fire.

……………..

Juliet O’Hara: Detective Lassiter is literally on fire today.
Shawn Spencer: “Literally on fire” as in Michael Jackson in the Pepsi commercial, or as in a misuse of the word “literally?”

…………………

Shawn Spencer: I can’t believe this. You lifted your look right off this mannequin!
Burton ‘Gus’ Guster: On the contrary, Shawn. Clearly, someone is stealing my look.
Shawn Spencer: Right… I did see Tommy Hilfiger creeping from bush to bush sketching you.

…………….

Burton ‘Gus’ Guster: What part of “stay put” is confusing to you?
Shawn Spencer: The “put” part. I wasn’t “put” in the first place, Gus. The whole expression is a complete disaster.

………….

Gus : I’m a man of untold mystery. That’s why my friends call me “G.”
Shawn : Ha. That’s funny. I thought they called you “Big-Head Burton.”
Gus : Don’t ever say that name, Shawn. Besides, I know it was you who started that.
Shawn : I’m sorry, Gus; I have a knack for alliteration. I’m a slave to it. Besides, how many words start with a B?
Gus : About a thousand! You could have used, “bold, black, beautiful…”
Shawn : Dude, who would have called you “Black Burton”?

………………

Gus’s Secretary : There’s a “Lieutenant Crunch” here to see you sir.
Gus: “Lieutenant Crunch”?
Shawn: Actually I’ve been promoted. It’s “Caption Crunch” now.

…………….

Shawn : Goooodmorning detectives. Collecting donations for the Policemen’s Ball?
Lassiter : We don’t have “Balls.”
Shawn : I honestly have no response to that.

………….

Shawn : “Luckily, your phone has GPS.”
Gus: “You tracked me?!”
Shawn: “Yes, I did, with a little help from my friends at your wireless service provider. By the way, they might be calling; they think you’re a fugitive from justice. Run with it.”

Do you believe in dreams?

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25facts.com

 
A friend mentioned to me this morning that I’m so blessed to have God speak to me in dreams, I never thought of it like that, I know that I have pretty vivid dreams but recently they seem to have a link to my life (or I like to think they do)
 
Like about two weeks ago I dreamt that I only had 10days left with Rob before he died, so we were making this list of things to do before he had to go, a bucket list of sorts.  The next morning I told him about the dream and he calculated that 10 days referred to day he would be travelling back home from a ceremony in Pretoria.
This freaked him out a bit and we started praying vigilantly, a friend of his actually backed out of trip because of bad feeling. So yesterday, DAY 10, they travel back and low and behold, they are involved in an accident, a piece of lumber fell of a truck ahead of them hitting the taxi they were travelling in, it was a very close call, but no one was hurt! The vehicle was damaged and they added a couple of hours to their trip but that’s it…. I like to think God was telling us to watch out J

Then last night I dream of our baby, this busy little girl with her mother’s talent of turning a clean room into chaos in seconds, she had dark hair and a round face and somehow I just recognized her, this is such a different experience from when I was pregnant with Logan, I dreamt of him as a young man of about 20 and never in the dream could I see his face (pretty sure I blogged about it then) I kept trying to see him but never could, he just walked away surrounded by all these kids that were looking up to him and I remember telling my mom the next morning that he looked like such “a nice person” someone I could be proud of…. How weird and different is that…. I like to think last nights dream means that we will be able to watch our baby grow up. J
 
I know you could say I’m looking into things that don’t exist and that my dreams are all a coincidence but I prefer to think of it as a Godincidence!