Hein Says:
Good grief I’m glad I’m happily married, dating is a bitch…the awkwardness of meeting, the awkwardness of getting to know each other, the awkwardness of that first kiss…it was very awkward.
I could never flirt, I prefered the lady who would say yes to me if I handed her a napkin drawing of two stick figures holding hands…granted the male figure was distinguished by a his huge penis which was drawn so big it had to overlap onto a second napkin…it left little to be said but said alot.
Here are a few questions I accidentally stumbled upon on a dating site that I thought I’d answer IF set up on a hypothetical first date but here my intention is NOT to succeed…yep Im pretty much just gonna be myself.
-What do you do for work?
I work at a rubber manufacturing company, not like condoms or anything but I do have condoms for later -wink- Oh by the way what is your name again?
-Where are you from?
Malmek…I love cats.
-What is the one thing about yourself you would like me to know?
(draws 2 stick figures on napkin…)
-What are you looking for in a relationship?
Im easy to please, I lost a very funky yo-yo when I was younger and if I could find that in a relationship I would be ecstatic.
-What do you think is the most important value in a relationship?
Faking interest, really keeps things going. Learning how to listen without falling asleep is an art.
-Do you want to marry or have you ever been married before?
Yes I am but only in Vegas
-What do you look for in a wife?
She must be able to take a punch, not bruise easily and/or be a slow bleeder.
-Do you want/have any children?
Yeah sure, y not? (grin excitedly) That does involve intercourse first right?
-Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes I do, I fell in love with a few girls like that peeping through their windows.
-What is your favourite month of the year and why?
I dont really mind, put on a light and they all come fluttering in anyway…oh you said month…
-If you were an animal in the wild what would you be?
Wild
-Do you believe the cup is half empty or half full? Are you an optimist or pessimist?
Always filled, liquor stores are never far off so optimistic.
-What do you do for fun?
Drink till I pass out in my own vomit with my pants inexplicably at my ankles…the fun part is trying to remember why, twice now it involved the police and Charlie Sheen motivational tweets.
-Is sexual compatibillity important to you?
Different strokes for different folks…just a few strokes for me tho.
-Are there any causes u believe in or stand for?
Uhm…yes…because
-Do you find yourself prejudiced or biased in any specific area?
Not really, I can be biased or prejudiced anywhere.
Good thing Im married right?
Have a great Easter weekend everybody!!!
*picture from www.gloryhousecatering.com
