So I’m supposed to think of 7 wants, depending on the day that is wayyyy too many or wayyy to little, I think today is a too little day. . .

1. I want to always be the person friends and family know they can rely on (without taking advantage of me, mind you)

2. I want to be the person Rob sees when he looks at me and I want to love myself like I know he loves me (hearing him beg me to “stay with him” while I was in theatre and seeing doctors have to physically drag him from my side will always haunt me)

3. I want Rob to realise how amazing he is (without getting cocky and thinking he can hit on random women without me smacking him)

4. I want a brain that does not have a million thoughts running through it daily, it’s noisy up there and can be distracting

5. I want to be financially stable enough to say, hey lets go to *some exotic location* for the week and it not be sarcasm

6. I want to be best friends with my partner years down the line, just like my parents are

7. I want to always think before I speak because that whole. “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me” thing is a loud of nonsense, WORDS HURT!

So many of my worst fears have been realised in my life you would think I’d have a nonchalant attitude by now…in a way I do, but at the same fears are inevitable.
 I’m learning that there is not much you can do about most fears except give it over to God so I think I’ll take today’s challenge a little further and put the fears I list in Gods hands as I type…
 here are 8 fears in random (as I think of them) order

1. I fear losing this baby, I want to be his/her mother (here on earth) so badly it hurts
2. I fear losing my family and friends (the losses of the past year have me feeling like I’m walking on egg shells)
3. I fear never losing all the baby weight (and it’s lots), I know this one sounds super petty, but its a legitimate fear. For now I’m ok with my body shape as I’m growing life and all BUT I don’t want to be this round for very long after, I’m too short to pull off the extra weight without looking uncomfortable and I know working off two pregnancies worth of weight will take more than a 3 day detox
4. I fear hurting people I care about, I never want to be the reason for someone else’s pain
5. I fear making the wrong decisions when it comes to my career, how do you know which path is the RIGHT one
6. I fear doing anything that could endanger my unborn child, theres no “real reason” for Logan’s death so how can I be sure
7. I fear going on stage, I used to LOVE LOVE performing, singing and acting were my thing but in recent years the thought makes my blood run cold
8. I fear disappointing others, this is probably why I’m so darn tired the whole time

Day 2 of the ten day challenge
Here are the things I love:

1. My family, I’m extremely lucky to have a group of people who I can love,laugh and live with

2. Rob, I totally lucked out in husband department. Rare to find someone who “gets you” and still sticks around

3. Photography! It makes me really happy

4. Comedy shows, nothing beats a good laugh

5. Blogging, introduced me to so many great people

6. Memories of Logan, remembering the good helps me through tough days

7. Fashion and decor-I love beautiful things

8. Crafting- just love making something with my hands, I’m a diy junkie

9. My home, I love our little place, esp the tv room and our little front court yardy place

So my last challenge failed, it failed misserably! Im trying another one now, inspired by a fellow blogger at O So Inspired  its a ten day challenge so maybe I have more staying power at 10 days

Today Im supposed to give 10 secrets, I’m not one for secrets hey, so think I’ll go for 10 random things about me

1. I have never had the same hairstyle for longer than 3weeks, seriously a friend Lana from NogSteedsLana drew a cartoon of me and had no idea what to do when it came to hair part…

2.  I have tried to write about 6 books by now, I have no staying power, by chapter two I run out of steam, maybe I should try short stories…

3. I have a ton of clothes that are not quite my size, but I cant bring myself to let them go, because I hold on to the hope that I will be THAT tiny again sometime

4. The most embarressing thing that has ever happened to me has to be when my cards were declined at a hotel in Brazil (because my cards were flagged somehow) and I had to get a top South African  fashion editor to pay for me – I blush just thinking about it

5. I often talk out of turn and cringe at myself, luckily my friends know that about myself, I’d be the one that says, “gees why do you look so run down and exhausted” when I mean to say, “you look a little tired you should take a break my friend” Im learning with this one

6. Im not an animal person but my siblings’ dogs have grown on me, kinda…

7. I have a list of favourite TV shows most of which are from DisneyXD and Nickelodeon, currently loving Lab Rats

8. I like to order little things online so I can have that whole ooooh I get to open something feeling

9.  Im super easily distracted but at the same time I have this need to finish something when I started it a need that often annoys “the husband”

10. I can sleep anywhere anytime this is a recent thing but it’s extremely sad I think . . .