More funnies from hein 🙂

Hound asks:Do animals go to heaven?
Hein:Depending on their political affiliation there just might be a chance.

Twitterhead wants to know:Do you tweet alot?
Hein:
No, I am only able to whistle or hum.

Yogi asks:
I have just started yoga and have trouble finding my inner balance due to lack of spiritual focus, would u advise me to Om?
Hein:
Uhmmm…

Tab Lloyd wants to know:Dont u think its rediculous that Steve Hofmeyer charges R44k for 30 minutes?
Hein:
Good Lord I thought he got ’em pregnant for free!

Medigal asks:
What is a hernea?
Hein:
The opposite of a hisnea

Woody asks:What do u think Tiger Woods calls his penis?
Hein:
What any adulterer should call his, a nuisance.

Suzie wants to know:Would u ever do your own reality show?
Hein:
Not really

Hindiguy wants to know:Do u believe in reincarnation?
Hein:
Come again…?

Some more very important advice from Hein

Meredith fan writes:What do u have against Grey’s Anatomy?
Hein: Nothing, y, did her anatomy then say something about me?

Mary Confused writes:It’s the 3rd time my husband goes out for his weekly poker game and he returns with lipstick stains on his collar, he says its nothing and I’ve tried to shake it off but obviously cant ignore. Any advice?
Hein: Well shaking it off wont help anyone, sounds like its very visible…have u tried a strong/er detergent?

Riri asks:Is he just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Hein: STOP, DROP AND ROLL you stupid lady! You can’t be THAT dependant on a man.

Also, people, who catch me walking with my 1year old son in public ask me(rhetorically):Is that your son?
Me:– I should f*ckin hope so or his mom is in real big trouble
-Yes, y, what have u heard?
-This thing on my arm? Nah he is a shaved monkey that just happened to fall out my wife’s tummy after magically growing there for 9months and has a remarkable resemblance to me. Look I even taught him how to flip people off who ask me stupid questions… make finger for daddy boy
..l..(”,)
Good boy!!!

 Wednesday is almost over, not really, but since I usually post from
the train in the morning it feels over, blog wise. Anyway it’s almost
over and I forgot about my Wednesday funnies, heres some more advice from Hein… (everything not in bold is all Hein)

Due to popular demand, and the voices in my head (shut up!), I have compiled another list of quickfire questions and answers 4 ur enjoyment 🙂

JEROME VAN TONDER asks: I have been cheating on my
girlfriend for 8 months now, how do I not get caught?
ANSWER: Well JEROME, u can start by excluding your name when writing to
an advice column!

WORRIED asks: How late do I have to be before I should start panicing?
If u know what I mean?
ANSWER: Yes I do and well the general rule is 5-10 minutes are
forgivebale but anything beyond that and u could get in trouble. Besides
that however, u should practice being early instead of worrying about
being late.

PSYCHIC writes: I had a problem and forsaw ur answer, thanx 4 the
advice.
COMMENT: Uhm…my pleasure?

– A friend of mine,Hein Brown, does a rather funny "advice column" personally I'm torn between finding him funny and wondering what goes on in his head… Funny usually wins here is some of his latest advice:

Alotta people(those that live in my head) have told me I'm good at
dispensing advice, wanted or not, so here is my very own advice
column: Ask Hein(me of course)

CONCERNED MOTHER writes: Dear Hein we have a 15 year old son whom we
think might be in the closet. He enjoys women's clothing and especially
my shoes. What do we do?
DEAR CONCERNED, what kinda parent are you that you can't keep track of your children? Go to your room and check, if not
then he might be under the bed, you know how children love to play hide and seek. Frankly I don't blame him for trying on your clothes, being stuck in a closet really can be boring and your clothes may be his only source of entertainment.

SIR NEARLY HEADLESS NICK
writes: Dear Hein, u may remember me from the Harry Potter movies as the
'nearly headless ghost'…well that's why I'm writing u see. For centuries I have been ridiculed for my deformity and have come to seek your advice on the matter.
ANSWER: Well Sir Nick, firstly amazing performance and it's
uncanny how much u resemble John Cleese. As a ghost u know that u are bound to spend eternity with that problem so my only advice would be to accept it. Face it head on, get your head out the gutter and ask yourself, how are you headed to success? Be
headstrong and remember to always keep head above water.