If #Menaretrash, what about our sons?

#Menaretrash is back at the forefront. The case of Karabo (the beautiful woman who went missing and was found to be killed and burnt beyond recognition by her boyfriend)  has basically triggered most of the nation’s women. Women are sharing their own stories on social media and you can’t scroll past a smoothie recipe without being reminded of this trash status.

So what is my feelings about it? well it’s complicated and it’s not. See I’m not the type to hijack other people’s feelings. Like when I see #Blacklivesmatter, I understand the context and don’t ever go, well actually #Alllivesmatter (because it goes without saying)  Like when people say #SavetheRhino I don’t get all emotional about the plight of the penguin, because like many people out there I can separate my feelings on different subjects.

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Lessons from motherhood

Today I want to humbly apologise for any harsh judgements I might have made regarding unruly kids. Naturally  I would never voice my opinion out loud (my mother taught me better than that) but I won’t lie…I have looked at unruly kids in shops and restaurants and wondered why their mothers allowed that…*pause to laugh* ALLOW nogal! as if someone would allow their kid to embarrass them in a crowded shopping centre.
Being mother to a particularly busy one-year-old has taught me something very important…You can’t always control their behaviour, you can only control how you react towards the behaviour…My mom told me this about the “Mean Girls” at school and I think the concept translates nicely…
Your child WILL test you, he will insist on pushing the trolley in a crowded shop, scream to ride those R5 machines “one last time”  or grab your glasses off while you are trying to have a conversation with someone, the trick seems to be not to let them see you sweat.
My cousin simply walks away from her daughter when she decides to throw a tantrum, waits for her to finish and then calmly talks to her…Trying to reason with a toddler seems a little crazy, but it seems to work (for some kids not all…)
I’m well aware that asking Aidan why he insists on decanting his plate of chips onto his lap before eating makes me look like a loon, especially when his response is “chippy nom nom”  but I see it as opening the lines of communication.
Honestly I just want it to look like “I don’t condone such behaviour” when actually I’m just glad he is eating something…
Aidan is a handful…He can get out of practically any brand of feeding chair and end up on the table, he insists on walking over to other people’s tables and just standing their like a mini stalker and is only comfortable if he can take one shoe off and put the free foot next to his plate…
He is such a joy though and for now I can control him with a stern voice, a threatening look and some light bribery…The little free spirit teaches me so much and of all the things he has taught me humility is definitely pretty high on the list.

5 things I didn’t know about having a kid

I don’t know who took the chocolate from your bag mommy

1. The phrase “sleeping like a baby” is apparently a sarcastic comment, because sleep interrupted by nagging and crying is hardly restful, neither is sleep that can only be achieved when people tiptoe around you, avoiding noisy toys like they are in a low budget spy movie.
2.  Babies are quite expensive – I knew they weren’t cheap,but I didn’t expect my monthly “baby budget” to rival the cast of Jersey Shore’s “tan budget”, it shouldn’t, should it?
3.  A one-year-old can cause roughly the same amount of havoc as a rock group on tour, in less time. Seriously I can put Aidan down in the family room, go to my bedroom, put down my bag, come back and all heck would have broken lose; he unpacks things, throws and pulls things off, climbs in to things…at any given moment it can look like a toy store has set up a badly organised pop-up store in my house – and I know he is not the only one, many a child I know can take a room from “show house quality”  to “I promise I’m not a hoarder” in no time.
4. Kids have multiple personalities… Aidan will go to lunch with his dad, eat a few chips, colour-in, play in play room- awww sweet. He will go to lunch with his mom, throw a few chips on the floor, eat his crayons, get on the table, squirt juice out of his juice box – uhmmm same kid?
Or he will sing along to nursery rhymes with me and repeat phrases, but when I try to get him to do it when someone else is in the room he makes me look like I have a vivid imagination and all he can say is goo-goo gaga.
5. Kids change everything you thought you knew about having kids, every eye roll at a noisy kid on a plane, every judgemental thought about kids throwing tantrums in a shop –  your views will completely change…in fact if you have ever as much as thought “My kid will never….” or “I will never let my kid…” chances are you are about to eat those words along with whatever half eaten slightly soggy treat your kid decides to “share” with you (you shouldn’t say no to a baby offering you something apparently- yummmm)

Aidan’s room, the joys