Not everyone is going to like you & that’s okay….
I’m 30 and still trying to get my heart and head to come to agreements on that one.
I mean seriously I’m not a fb status, I really don’t need to be liked…
It’s weird that I’m not more okay with the whole thing… I was never miss popular at school and even at University I think my popularity was largely based on being friends with quite a few “hot chicks”&”cute guys”.

I often tease that I’m like sushi, you either love me or you can’t stand me, I mean most of my closest friends found me annoying at first, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say things like “you’re nicer than I thought”…apparently I’m great once you get past the first opinion (like those fireball sweets??) Im either too chirpy or too stuck up (how is that even possible? People make me sound like a mental cheerleader…. like I’m singing “everything is awesome” while holding up a “you can’t sit with us” sign)

So what’s bringing on this monologue…well I thought I was mature enough to get that some people won’t like me and it doesn’t matter blah de blah, but apparently not so much…I sure as heck don’t like everyone I meet so why should they. I also know that people are often way too busy with their day to day to care about giving offense so I shouldn’t beat them to it and take the offense …..hey luchae (she had a great post on the subject)

I realised in the last week despite my understanding of the situation, I still don’t like when people don’t like me… There was one nurse in particular this weekend who I swear was mentally rolling her eyes every time I spoke…she did the stiff smile, the glazed over look and my small talk was met with plain ignoration…I was taken aback, what did I do to her?!?
At one stage I told Aidan that the nurse would be cross because he was chewing cord of drip and asked her to just tell him not to (just a finger wag because she put it in and he was more likely to stop doing it)…her response “you’re the mother, deal with it” turns on heel and walks off…

I was so taken aback – I wasn’t asking her to parent him,just wanted him to see her agree with me – even so, I realised a part of me wanted her to like me (even though I didn’t particularly like her and overheard her tell another nurse that I was messing with her time by not holding the nebulizer correctly [despite other  nurse in question putting thing in my hand like that] also she kept insinuating that Mrs Meyers(me) gave milk outside of pre set hours, which I did not!…

I felt so confused a mixture of…”she really doesn’t figure into my everyday life so I don’t give a fig” & “what did I do to upset her, oh no! am I horrible?”

I feel like that every time someone unfollows me on Twitter,Facebook,instagram (even worse when I knew the person well) don’t get me started on feelings of inadequacies when I invite someone on fb and they don’t accept (it’s torture on my teenage soul – so much so, I wait for invites and never invite) I just always wonder what I could have done/said to upset them…I have a big thing about being the reason someone is upset,hate the thought

I no longer work for the biggest paper in the region and with that comes a lot of rejection…gone are invites and sucking up from PR people, I’m off the list and out of mind …that was to be expected though, the media world is pretty fickle, I mean I left the office I worked in for ten years with not as much as a farewell card and as a person who was always first in line with byebye gifts and cards I’ll be lying if I said I was not a little hurt.

But you know what? That doesn’t matter I’m not the invites or the messages … I’m just this girl who talks too much and who has amazing people in her life, people who have her best interests at heart at all times…and it reallllly annoys me that I care what others think

I’m much luckier than most(I’m probably gonna get a few WhatsApp messages and emails telling me to stop feeling sorry for myself on the Internet, because I have great friends like that)…I’m a good friend too (says me) yes I probably only know it’s your birthday because of fb and I don’t stay in touch nearly as much as I should but I’m the “drop everything and listen to you vent over snacks kinda friend and I’m always ready to help out so recon their pretty lucky too (hush up, you know you love me) ….

Not everyone is going to like you? And why should they! There are billion dollar industries based on things I don’t like, like coke,crocs and beer.

Eish just wish unfollow didn’t sting…but hey I’m growing! I now realise how silly I’m being… now for my heart to catch up with my head…

I’ve been AWOL this week, which isn’t like me,I have blogged from hospital people!
 I guess with all that has been happening around the country and in my neck of the woods, Nelson Mandela Bay, I just have not been up for anything even blogging…
The xenophobic/afrophobic attacks, destruction of monuments, high-jacking and murder just drains a person, and as a news reporter I’ve been in the thick of things, it’s hard , people complain that the media only show the bad, the destruction the pain, believe me, most of us would be only too happy to write about unicorns and rainbows if people could just kindly stop being A*holes please …

I’ve also been a little emo about leaving my job of ten years and starting life as a WAHM.

Starting this coming week I’m officially starting JustEllaBella Creative Services (Writing, photography, hand crafts – basically everything I love except maybe drinking chai and eating macaroons) can’t wait to share everything with all 🙂

My website is registered and being designed…I have meetings with clients next week!!!
CLIENTS, PEOPLE! a copywriting and a news writing contract I’m pretty positive about – well the copy writing is in the bag, started with the project two weeks ago, we are meeting about a creative shoot for a publication I’m doing all the copy for how awesome is that?
The news writing meeting is me going in and pitching, they like my stuff so far and kinda head hunted me so it’s about to get real peeps!!!

Also my office floor is drying as we speak!!! it’s mostly glass and features a small photo studio so I can use my photography course and new camera …

I know it’s not going to be easy, working for yourself can’t be… because you aren’t really working for yourself are you, you are working FOR your family and FOR your clients so it’s trading in one boss for MANY and sometimes I find myself wondering isn’t it “better the devil you know”

I also know some months will be better than others I’ve seen it with my dad and his business, like they say “As dit pap reen moet jy skep” that’s a Afrikaans saying that seems quite applicable, directly it mean’s if it starts raining porridge start dishing… Which means grab the opportunity when it is presented to you 🙂

I was doubting myself a little last week, some set backs and my dad tells me,
“You know no one will think bad of you if in a year or so you go back to a office setting, then you can think of this as a gap year…We are already proud of you for just having the guts to do this, besides when other kids were saying they wanted to be a doctor or a police officer you said you wanted to do everything you love and have your name on a business, there you go, you succeeded already” 🙂

Love my dad for being so supportive and it makes me even more willing to give this my best shot 🙂

office will have a view of my favourite tree 🙂 see the little supervisor

I was thinking about how life changes, how your needs and wants change and how we are never satisfied, from what I can remember this is what I wanted over the years:

When I was a kid

1. A endless supply of teen literature (yes as a primary school kid)
2. Hair that didn’t need a whole day “wash day”
3. My little cousins to stop following me around
4. Late night TV watching privileges
5. A chemistry set

When I was a teen

1. My first kiss (literally 16 never been kissed over here)
2. To gain weight so clothes actually fit
3. To undo my bad hair cut
4. Invites to the cool parties
5. A cooler cellphone (bratty I know)

When I was a student

1. More hours in the day
2. No curfew
3. Higher paying part time job
4. To pass without going to class
5. More cute clothes

As a newbie adult

1. Shoes
2. Better bad guy radar
3. More hours in the day
4. More money
5. A hairstyle that was stress free

Now:

A NAP!

– A recurring thing seems to be the need of more time and manageable hair, what is something you always seem to want?

So I have decided to become a Wahm (Work at home mom)

What brought this on? Well I think I might have hit my head HARD or am in the middle of some existential crisis? hmmmm maybe I have completely lost it but there is a freedom in losing it….
I think it’s more that I have had a lot of loss in my life over a short period of time and am more acutely aware of it being now or never….

After ten years of a permanent 9 (Who am I kidding, 7) to 5 or to 6, 7, 8 I have decided to make things even more difficult for myself and work from home (because trying to make a living with a kid attached to my leg is clearly first prize) – I kid, I’m so excited!!!

I don’t want to jinx things but will say my new position, to be announced from the comfort of my home office (knock on wood) will involve online teaching, freelance writing and a small business I have been dreaming of for years (also I’m studying again)…

The thing is nothing ventured nothing gained, I might be crazy, but I have the support of my husband and parents and believe nothing teaches you to fly quite like being pushed out of the nest.