I’m sad this morning, sad in a “can someone stop this ride called life, I want to get off” kind of way…
I feel like I’ve lived a thousand lifetimes this year so maybe my sadness is just exhaustion or it could be pain from this broken heart I’ve been carrying around, all patched up but barely functioning.
My Godmother/aunt/woman who had giant part in raising me ,has been diagnosed with cancer and the symptoms of both the disease and the treatment are getting her down, she’s in hospital where she should be at home,she’s crying out in pain while she should be singing her heart out in choir, she is watching her cancer count while she should be watching food network…being one of the most health conscious people I know it just doesn’t seem fair.
Then there is this pregnancy…how can so much joy be tainted with so much fear, flashbacks to Logan’s death plague my dreams and although I’m confident and faithful while awake every kick reminds me of Logan and subconsciously I fear…
I accidentally called our new baby Logan yesterday and my blood ran cold… I try to tell myself, this is new, this time things will be ok, Logan is gone but our lives go on (as difficult as the road may be we have no choice but to walk it) . . .
I guess its one of those days that all I have is a mustard seed, and the drive to watch it grow, I do not want to live in fear instead I want to be the faith my aunt can’t conjure up herself and I want to have my family and my doctors confidence that I will be bringing a little one home, I want to live with NO FEAR, JUST FAITH I just hope I have the energy to do so . . . Please keep us in your prayers
((Hugs)) Praying for you <3
Mwah mwah mwah we praying for Aunty Eunice Hope she getz betta!! God bless
Thanx so much guys . . . Joy comes in the morning