It’s six months today, which means Logan has officially spent as much time in heaven as he did in my womb, I still miss him a lot!
I often look at his pictures and video and am in awe that I am his mother, that beautiful little boy was mine even if it was for a fleeting moment, I still think about him a lot, some days more than others, the other day someone commented that I must be over it now (I know they didn’t mean it as harshly as it come across) and thing is, No, “I’m not over it by now” My son was alive for a day and a half and I never got to hold him, that’s not something you just “get over” I keep having to remind myself that people mean well, like all the people who tell me not to share the news when I get pregnant again (I had a full blown bump at 14weeks, don’t think people like me can hide even if we wanted to) they say it with best of intentions, but telling me to hide my blessings doesn’t really have a place in the way I live my life, I play it by heart, I’m an emotion driven person and if I want to scream something off the roof tops its my prerogative, I’m only gossiping about myself anyway 😉
Many people say to be cautious and not to be too vocal about my happiness (as if my excitement killed my baby-gee thanks)
I Spoke to a new friend the other day, she is also a blogger and lost her son a few hours after birth. She is now pregnant and decided to announce on her blog as soon as she was sure of results. Her reason for this? she “didn’t want fear to steal one moment of joy” (I like that)
We spoke about how I feel about putting the news of a rainbow baby “out there” (I’m not saying start a Facebook group about your pregnancy) just not being afraid to mention it on your blog or on the occasional status, to me it is a way of trusting in God to take the reigns, saying I’m so confident that things will be ok, I’m willing to say “I’m excited” out loud .
I understand people are not trying to be mean they genuinely don’t want me to be hurt by peoples comments and reactions and “negative vibes” but ironically telling me to hide is hurtful on its own. When Logan died I was criticized for being so open with it, I never intended to be “that open” at first I told the world because congratulations messages were still flooding in after his death, “I had to say something” then people kept asking what happened, so I typed it up and put it on my blog, as a way of getting it out of my system (as only writing can) and a way to share my story without me having to relive it with every question, then my blog started helping other people and it started helping me (the best and cheapest therapy) so I have continued blogging (when the emotions hit).
I don’t get how sharing my happiness could be wrong, Janine’s (fellow blogger) words resonate with me, she said,: “You need to be YOU, follow your heart”. I guess in a way our honesty about our weaknesses becomes our strength, no1 can even gossip about me, I do it first 😉 I love living a honest uncomplicated life, I enjoy sharing my heart and my love of God and even though I am constantly being warned about peoples negative thoughts I cant help but think that keeping things secret would also keep away positive thoughts and prayers.
“If God is for you, who can be against you”
I am very close to a lady who had been through the exact same thing as you, Elle, and when I explained your blog to her, she said well done, what you are doing is a GOOD thing! 🙂
Hello Ella Bella. I am still your follower. We get critiziced by writting or putting things about our babies. But I think one thing, people prayed for God to give us strenght after what happened to us, and God is giving us an outlet to lessen our pain by writing, or sharing, so this is they way God is giving us strenght.
Thanx ladies it means the world when people understand *hug*