Category: chat

A little bout of Emotion Sickness

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On days like today I wish I could go into my old photos and pull loved ones out…I’d have tea with my gran, chat with my Godmother,attend an event with Mso, finally watch that Bollywood marathon with Kayla and cuddle Logan…I’d even let Rob’s dad tease me one more time…
If I had this magic photo frame there are so many people I would borrow it to, I imagine a queue out stretching those at the election polls . People eager for last chats,final hugs…it’s all so sad really.
There’s this legend  where a woman asks to have her deceased child returned to her, she is told that to have this happen she needs to bring back a mustard seed from a home that has known no heartache…. and needless to say she could find no such home….
Like I could find no such frame, the best I can do is remind everyone to have those chats and give those hugs to the loved ones still around….
HAVE A GOOD SATURDAY,remember to live like things can change any moment because they can

Reasons I don’t mind Mondays

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 – Mondays are like a start over day…I always start new things on a Monday – like today when I finally started a facial cleansing routine, yes I’m 29 and should have done it ages ago, better late than never I say.
 – Mondays are when I restart my diets I say restart because Thursday is usually when I give up and tell myself that if I’m going to be fat I should enjoy the journey…insert yummy carby food here
 – Mondays are comedy night. Well every night is comedy night on comedy central, Monday is just my favourite.
 – Mondays my curls tend to be on their best behaviour (not today though) my hair thinks it’s Thursday and I’m an extra on The Colour Purple-but usually, because I “do” my hair the weekend, Monday’s my hair is usually still cute.
 – Mondays are a chance to catch up with friends about what happened the weekend…although the stories have changed over the years, from…. “dude went to the coolest new club ended up finishing a box of wine coolers while watching the sun come up” to “dude I went to the quaintest new restaurant, ended up finishing a entire box of chocolate while watching Friends reruns”
 – Mondays I tend to have yummy lunch courtesy of Sunday lunch left overs-not today though, didn’t eat at home so I have bread to toast and am currently eyeing a suspicious mixture on my desk….I get to work stupid early and I made coffee but we were out of sugar… I remembered I had cinnamon sugar and then I thought why not…..uhmmm ja don’t!

 HAPPY MONDAY ALL! *Even though we would all secretly like to be in bed right about now*

What a long road we have traveled…

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So this weekend Aidan went to Logan’s grave for the first time.
No I don’t have some freaky “morbid need” for them to “play together” we just like to check that things are still okay and this time we took Aidy with…he was super comfy there and it tugged at my heartstrings seeing him put his hand by the etched hand of his brother..
We don’t take flowers to Logan’s grave-prefer to leave a little toy,replacing it when it gets destroyed/stolen- and funny thing is, Aidy didn’t even try to play with the toy plane which was placed to mark 2years…instead he just played with the gravel…
Technically we were at the cemetery for my aunt though…it was unveiling of her gravestone and standing there reminded me of how she was diagnosed with cancer around about the time I found out I was pregnant and how she tried to hold on to meet Aidan. That was not meant to be though and Aidan was born the eve of her funeral……Life can be so dramatic sometimes.
She’s out of pain now though, and for that I am glad(although I miss her deeply) and I knw she is with us in spirit as this coming weekend we celebrate Aidan’s first birthday.
Aidan celebrating his first birthday fills my heart with soooo much Joy! Who knew a broken heart could love this hard…

JustEllaBella

Happy “belated” Monday

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Soooo it is 2 weeks till Aidy is ONE which means it’s party planning time 🙂 I’m also starting (yes I keep saying this and you could probably start a drinking game based on how often I say this on here) to exercise more and eat less… I like Monday’s always feels like a fresh start…so have a great day all 🙂 enjoy your fresh start…

JustEllaBella

New point of view

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When a specialist recently told me I needed to lose weight it hit me like a ton of bricks, naturally I’ve known this for a while because even with his hefty fee he wasn’t telling me anything the mirror and my dwindling wardrobe were not…
but it’s different when a doctor tells you, more official! This isn’t the snarky lady from work, the inappropriate family member or the “helpful” friend, this is someone with enough letters after his name that he MUST know what he is talking about.
Even though my GP, “condoned” me snapping at said specialist for his indelicate remark, and commented that his assessment, though accurate (I could stand to lose some weight) was a bit extreme (he is aiming for school leaver size). I do need to trim down, to help my health get back on track.
Well if my weight is to blame for some of my health issues, I’m willing to up my efforts by all means! It doesn’t mean,however, that hearing there are “medical reasons” for you needing to lose weight doesn’t sting….
That it doesn’t bring forth those feelings of “overweight couch potato,post baby damage, don’t look at me”craziness!
Well it does, it makes me crazy and feel even more unattractive than the bloating and water retention (initial reason for going to dr) has been making me feel.
I was feeling rather “woe is me” to be honest, until this evening when I fed Aidan, and like he always does he rubbed his hand over my face. I smiled thinking how the face I harshly criticize as MOONFACE brings this child so much comfort, how my hands which could certainly do with a manicure, are the very hands he reaches out for as he learns to walk, my thighs which I have “magically shrunk with my eye lasers” a thousand times are what he clings to for support and my stomach scarred from the c-sections makes him giggle endlessly as he attempts to blow raspberries on my tummy like I do on his… Aidan doesn’t care that I would like to go up a cup size, to him that’s where he gets nutrition and comfort, he doesn’t care that I want my arms to be more toned, he just wants to be held…to him I’m amazing, a super hero, funny and all knowing and it’s time I see myself like that too (minus the all knowing part-Although Rob might argue that I have this one down)…
Yes I’m not exactly where I want to be or “should be” but I should applaud my own efforts and not be so hard on myself…acceptance comes from within and THERE is where I need to channel my strength from, there and from the love I have and get from my two boys. My husband and son who love me crazy and all, and at all sizes 😉 mini, midi and grande loco 😉
So I’m ready to take on the challenge of getting healthy and in shape (both mentally and physically) for my own sake as well as for my boys
JustEllaBella

Life at a glance:

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Sooooo what happening in my world at the moment? Well I blow dried my hair for the first time since like October last year-should be curly again by the weekend. I’m really not good at being one of those neatly styled people…I’m just not. What else?
Well I’m having a gastric scope and biopsy done tomorrow which will hopefully give me some answers regarding me being one size in the morning and bloating by two sizes by afternoon, not to mention this pain associated with eating thing, and the nausia (this one gave me a bit of a scare) I’m also having extensive allergy tests done because having every meal cause you pain is apparently not normal, neither is constant, gnawing hunger…..ooooh maybe after treatment I can start losing weight – a girl can hope can’t she.  

Work is interesting, I’m swamped and stressed out, which means things are right on track for this office, hehehe. I’m still looking for freelance writing opportunities though, so hold thumbs, or better yet employ me 😉

On the home front, I want to kill Rob with impressive regularity which must mean we are still happily married :p and Aidan is becoming such a little busy body I need to take vitamins just to keep up, I kid you not!!! The kid can’t walk yet, but he gets around and on/in/under things so fast I’m ashamed to say I have uttered the words “where the heck is Aidan now” more than once…

On the getting healthy and not rolling after each other at the beach this Dec front: Rob and I have decided to give up take-aways or at least limit to once a month(maybe twice so each of us gets a turn to chose) so we will be going back to exclusively home cooked meals and packed lunches…Rob still gyms,  I’ve frozen my gym contract because I just can’t get there (working hours + lack of gym buddy + taking the train for a month or two again to save money = me paying gym fees like it’s some sort of charity)…so now I need to find alternative form of exercise, for at least the next 6 months (that is how long I’m frozen for-after which I will be coming into city with car again and will hopefully have gym partner again) Anyways that is where I am and where things are…

 

HAPPY TUESDAY, Oh did I mention this is officially my last year as a 20something…time to work on me before 30 list

 

BEFORE 30 LIST….

  1. Start a before 30 list