I just got off the phone with the lady at our medical aid, the midwife they had assigned to check up on us, I had to tell her you were gone and she “closed your file”
In the two months since you were called to heaven many people have had to “close your file” and that hurts, your birth certificate and death certificate were issued much to close to each other, our plans and dreams died with you and that is sad.
We were at your grave yesterday, but I’m sure you knew that, because as I stood there furious that cows had trampled your grave, shaking as I fought back tears and anger, you let butterflies come dance near the bouquet we brought for you, two giant butterflies,then a third and a forth, playfully dancing with each other in the midday sun, one came back, lingered above our heads before flying off and I knew it was you sending me a message, reminding me that the grave is nothing more than a resting place for your body, your soul flies free, no longer bound to earth.
Your dad didn’t see them though, he was too busy organising someone to fix up your grave, I wish he saw them, but I’m thankful he believes me and doesn’t think it’s my mind playing tricks on me.
Logan I miss you so much, your acrobatics, your forceful prodding when you didn’t like the position I was in, I wish so much to cuddle you and hold you, it breaks mummy’s heart knowing that there will always be a part missing in our family, our family circle will always be missing a link.
One day we will have siblings for you, but they will fit into our hearts in a different way forever leaving a logan shaped hole, never to be filled.
I know there is nothing to be done to remedy this, so all I can do is pray for my heart to accept (not forget) and pray that God’s grace stays with us in this journey.
I love you little man, till we meet again