You know when you watch a movie and you see the characters do something and you say to yourself – or if you’re the vocal kind (guilty) you will say to your companion- “that’s so stupid! how could she do or say . . .?”
This happens in real life too,  you think you know yourself, you know that if  X happens Y will be your reaction, well that’s what you tell yourself until you find yourself slap bang in the situation and all your good intentions fly out the window.
I find myself in that very situation right now, just the other day I was steadfast in my belief system and now I find myself trembling as I type, do I have the courage to be faithful or the faith to be courageous?
Well do I?
 Well I’ve decided I do (fake it till you feel it) even though I can literally feel my blood pressure rising as I type this, I need to say this out loud so here goes, I’m pregnant! we are having a baby next year!
It comes as the most appreciated and pleasant shock EVER! We naturally have many fears and this is definitely not a naive state of being for us, especially with the pregnancy being monitored closely and me being put on meds, not to mention new life bringing back memories of life lost, but we feel extremely blessed.
We were told that we would need help getting pregnant and not to get our hopes up for anytime soon, so  we didn’t, we admitted to ourselves that we wanted to be parents, but never in our wildest dreams did we think our prayers would be answered like this and so quickly.
Our doctor (we love her to bits)  is extremely positive and happy for us and so are our families and close friends.
I know typing this is going against the advice of many people who are against me sharing the news openly and especially blogging it.
I know all these people have my best interest at heart, but that is not who I am, I cant hide this blessing we have received from God, I take telling people as a way of  “claiming” this life God is offering us, I can’t be preoccupied with peoples negative thoughts over my life, that is not who I am or how we live our lives. Not sharing the news might keep people from putting negative thoughts over your life (which I cancel in the name of the Lord)  but doesnt it also close the door to positive thoughts and prayers?
How can I be so open with my pain but not my happiness?
I have lost a lot this year, two amazing friends (both of whom taught me that life is short and that it is my responsibility to live it to the fullest) and a beautiful baby boy who I will always cherish.
But now I have good news to share and dammit I will share it,lol
I love my little rainbow already and love what she/he stands for:

My little Logan will be a big brother  and I know he shares our joy J