It’s not the late nights out, leaving the house at a moments notice,peeing in peace, or the skinny little body (okay maybe those things too) but what I really miss is the SILENCE.

Just me and my thoughts hummm, now its more like hummmm *don’t touch that dont eat that* hummmm *step away from that* hummmm *arg I give up*.

I love my boy and his way of looking at the world, how he says things like “daddy always says no he must say yes a little” and how I know he was up to mischief when he starts a sentence with…”mommy you must not be cross”. But with all the love I have for him I sometimes miss the silence of the before days

I was chatting to a friend the other day about “me time” and sharing what that meant to us…”if you could do anything right now, what would you do?” and while she described a delightful scene of warm beaches and cocktails my fantasy was a little different.
I want one of the trips I used to go on(as a lifestyle reporter) a generic hotel room,hours to kill and soul satisfying silence.

I’m a bit of a chatter box myself (less so, as I get older) also I talk when I’m nervous or awkward to fill in the silence (symptom of my social anxiety) So this might come as a surprise to many.
To me silence is the most healing thing, when I’m feeling overwhelmed everyone just needs to shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…there is no radio in my craft room and if I’m really on edge the radio in the car gets put off.

But lately my search for silence is as fruitless as my search for chocolate that makes you skinny. here’s my problem…Rob gets it (most of the time he gets it, but he can talk your ear off, shocker I know), my mom gets it, most people get it, if you know me well you will know I sometimes need a solitude recharge…you know who doesn’t get it? my son

Between him and someone at the office who is always talking my ear off  I actually haven’t heard myself think in weeks.

Aidan is never quiet ,he even talks in his sleep.
He loves pointing out similarities like, the letter C looks like a moon and bread dough is like play dough you can eat, but mostly he is filled to the brim with nursery rhymes. The cuteness wears off after a while and you think to yourself that you are one nursery rhyme away from losing it and accosting Humpty Dumpty with Itsy Bitsy spider’s water spout.

I’m sure I would be fine if he went around singing to himself , instead every flippen song needs to be a duet. Sing with me mommy (oh and you will repeat till its to his satisfaction)
Meanwhile he is going through life like that annoying friend at the movies asking “what just happened” “whats in there” or “what are they saying”

He is constantly asking what random people are doing and saying and it gets real old real fast…I don’t flipping know what the couple at the next table are saying or what you gran who lives 40min away is saying!
Ask me real questions “whats this mommy?” and I will reply “oh that is a so and so used for so and so”. Don’t ask me “what’s that uncle saying” (the one that just drove by) and don’t demand an answer and then tell me I’m wrong when I venture a guess.

I just want to be able to think , regroup and refocus.
I want to be a good mom who doesn’t scare my kid away from being inquisitive, or whimsical (he likes to take a object and “turn it into different things” and make you guess…if the pillow from my couch is now a hat a guitar or a horse…)
I just want a little silence …  But then his dad takes him away for an afternoon and I can get some me time and I can page through a magazine and colour in and listen to Carla Bruni (who I love by the way) and take a nap, and then I realise I really really miss my little chatter box and it has not even been an hour yet.

Although I’d love some silence given the choice between Aidan and solitude he comes up tops 95% of the time…whaaaaat im honest 5% of shut up isn’t much is it?

What do u secretly miss?