Category: me moment

A week of me time! Yeah Me!

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So I’ve been really quiet blogwise, actually just didn’t have anything to say SHOCKER! I know. I did however put my two cents in on a “review panel” for Emmy fashion on Sal’s blog http://sal-b.tumblr.com/ check out what we had to say
ALSO!!! It’s weekend people and and and I’m on VAY KAY from this afternoon *happy dance* took next week off from work to hang out with my boys and just have some me time J will be checking in though and hopefully I will get some recipes and DIYs done J
Excuse me while I embrace THIS feeling (Well aware that I’m almost 30 so the schools out thing doesn’t count-just go with me here, the emotion is the same)

In need of a mental pause button

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I haven’t blogged in a while,I mean to and then just dont do, life gets so hectic sometimes and I often forget to stop and be in the here and now (this started as a kid when I would read ahead of the other kids in class because they were taking to long and then I’d get into trouble because when it came to my turn to read out loud,I would have started reading whatever book I had snuck in and have NO CLUE where I was supposed to be)  mentally I’m always like that, I will be eating supper thinking about dessert (can’t tell you the amount of times my parents asked me to just slow down for a second… “clear your mind and relax”, my dad would say [mind you, he still does] but I can never seem to do that for very long because my mind is already on page two thinking what I can think about after not thinking [yes I’m THAT crazy, hehe]… It has become so bad that I will be in conversation with someone about [lets say] flowers, then I think, “must not forget to tell them about [lets say] cats”, and I actually lose my place in my own conversation, those close to me are getting a little too used to me asking, “what was I saying again” it even happens when I’m making mental notes and I have to stop and think “what was I thinking again” YES PEOPLE I’VE GOT ADVANCED FOMO [fear of missing out] IN MY OWN MIND!!!!
I notice that I do this with Aidan too, as much as I love watching him grow, I often wonder, “what next?” ( and I realize this is wrong-in fact this [in many ways] is what is prompting me to change things and slow down) When  Aidan first smiled I wonder when he would laugh or now that he sits up and I wonder when he will sit unsupported…But no more!!!
Life is way too short to live life like a preview reel, always interested in the coming attractions and not focusing on the movie playing right now.
I want to spend more time in the here and now, blog more, laugh more and [for goodness sake] relax more
WISH ME LUCK

Maternity leave . . . Now what?

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This is my last week at work before I’m home for just over four months and the idea freaks me out. I’m not referring to the late nights, the feeds and the screaming baby, NOPE, I’m referring to the month before he gets here, the month I’m scheduled to be home and REST! That freaks me out. I started working as soon as I turned 16, first doing various temp admin jobs and then in retail, I worked through holidays and during weekends and I have become accustomed to a week off here and a week off there, but never being able to do the long holiday thing with my family…and it was fine, work gave me a sense of purpose and gave my over active mind something to think about…now I’m set for a month of doing nothing! Everyone tells me I need it, that with my medical history it’s best for me and baby which is all good and well and I’m willing to stay at home but THEN WHAT! What shall I be doing with my time?
The baby room is fixed up, his bag is packed…what now? Repack his cupboard, reread the baby magazines, make lists for all the lists I have, freak out that every gas bubble could be indicating preterm labour?
I’ve lined up some craft projects to help with my “pending boredom” but I’m just soooo exhausted and uncomfortable I can’t really do anything productive…my stomach is quite big (big baby, small torso does that – feel like a poodle pregnant with Great Dane puppies) and everyday tasks become quite the pain. Seriously can’t reach most things even when Rob isn’t watching me like a hawk…So what now? What will I be doing while I wait for our lil babe to arrive? Blog I guess…and annoy my mother 😉
Have a great week guys . . . and wish me luck…maybe this is Gods way of teaching me patience, I know I sure as heck need the lessons J

(PS. to the people who find it annoying when I’m not chipper 24/7, you can suck it 😉 – because those that mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind)

Scarred not scared

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I will be 31 weeks pregnant tomorrow and this right here is how giant I am already…wish me luck 🙂
my everything is swollen, see no wrists or ankles to speak of, but so worth it

I have a scar, it goes all the way down from my bellybutton to where C-section scars are usually situated –  I have been told on more than one occasion that my belly button is unusually high so that’s a long way – it’s getting wider as my belly stretches and must be well over 5cm by now…The scar is getting worse the bigger I get, stretching and hardening and hurting like heck, esp. since Aidan uses that area for kick boxing practice.
So what’s the point of me saying this? Well I was thinking how the scar is so representative of all that’s happened…I’ve “healed” physically but the scar is like a giant reminder of what happened…it’s changed my life “I can never confidently wear a bikini again” (also I’m no longer built for a bikini but that’s besides the point) and I can’t look at my tummy without remembering why I’m “mutilated” (in the rush to save my life they didn’t exactly care about how everything looked)…The doctor has told me that reconstructive work is in order…they plan on cutting out the scar tissue and stitching me up neater this time, then I have steroid injections to look forward to (I plan on using this as an excuse if I don’t lose weight fast enough) this is scheduled to happen right after Aidan’s birth meaning I get a new C-section scar (the regular garden variety) and another scar (the old re-cut one) which they (me especially) hope will heal way better this time… It should fade with time…but never truly go away, I guess like memories…some things are just meant to be a part of you whether you like it or not.

tmgdisc