Today I feel . . . . actually I don’t feel much at all, In fact if someone were to ask me, “How are you” the most truthful answer would be, “I don’t know”. Every now and again everyone feels like this I guess, disconnected in some way. Its unnerving, I don’t know what I want out of life, that’s the sad reality, how can I work towards something when I don’t really know what THAT something is.
The other day I found myself feeling a tinge of jealousy at an entrepreneurial friend’s success, I don’t want her job or anything, think the jealousy comes from the fact that she has such a clear sense of self of what she is and what she wants to be. I’m pretty self aware I guess, I know enough to know I don’t know enough – If that makes sense, but today, right here, right now, I don’t really know what direction I’m supposed to be going in, I think its similar to making a wrong turn and your GPS shouting at you “Recalculating, recalculating” I figured I’d be a “working mom” right about now, that’s the road I thought I was embarking on, but things changed, I’m “recalculating, recalculating” but not sure what destination it is I want to set… Do I want to be in the corporate rat race?, do I want my name out there writing again?, do i really want to make a success of the children’s photography thing?, do I dare think of being a mom again?
Writing this has made me realise something, the fact of the matter is, the destination is not as important as the journey, Its time I focus on what I do have and do know, the important things like, am I happy with; what fuels me? who I am traveling with? and the mode of transportation? If I can figure that out I guess the road will do the rest…
I’m fuelled with faith, I travel with amazing people (friends and family) and I’m traveling on grace, so far so good.
