Can a woman forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Isaiah 49:15

The answer is NO and even though I’m working hard to piece together my life and not be defined by my mourning, I’m only human.
A human being who lost that which was most precious to her!
I know often people don’t know what to say to me, I prefer THAT honesty “I don’t know what to say”, “I’ll pray for you”, “I’m sorry for your loss”
Stop trying to hurry me along like I’m a sheep, holding up the flock you are trying to get into the kraal.
You wouldn’t tell a widow to get over it because she can always find another husband, so why tell me to move on because I can always try again?
I love Logan, I want Logan! Its not an any baby will do situation…
Let me be sad, it is sad dammit!
Let me have my downs, I make up for it with my ups.
Let me beat my chest out of frustration or let my tears fall without being prompted.
I grew up thinking, You get pregnant, you carry to term, go to hospital and bring back a baby.
This is news to me! Not every mommy gets to hold their babies and that some are born into heaven?!?
What is even more shocking is that I am one of those mommies! I thought that was for movies or happened long ago, before medical technology was advanced.
When I was little I visited the cemetery with my grandmother and the baby graves always broke my heart, I’d look at them and say a prayer to the family left behind, because while the babies are safely cradled by the angels, the families are expected to move on… Who knew I’d be on the other side of that prayer one day.
I was pondering that at Logan’s grave yesterday feeling oh so sorry for myself when a butterfly landed on a flower next to me, it allowed me to take pictures -practically touching it with my phone – but as soon as I reached out to touch it with my hand, the butterfly flew away—a little too familiar for me 🙁