Sunday evening vent: I like to think of myself as an evolved being. Someone able to forgive and move on and someone who despite a “rocky” start in life has dealt quite well and is very happy with what she surrounds herself with.Why then do pictures of people who hurt me years ago still upset me?
Facebook has this thing where people you’re not friends with appear on your timeline all the time because you are friends of their friends…do you know what annoys me about this?
The fact that I now get to see just how great people I don’t care for are doing. People I didn’t invite/accept on fb quite on purpose…
In high school I was not very popular…
(Guess this quirky thing was not quite as mainstream back then) I didnt have what they had, or dress like they dressed, or maybe I spoke too much, or wasn’t pretty enough.
Whatever it was it caused me to get teased, pranked and perhaps worst of all ignored. I can’t tell you how many times I went to bed with a heavy heart because practically the whole class,including my closest friends were invited to parties, but I wasn’t.
I was part of quite a few extramural activities so I got to be treated badly at an erray of events…yeah me
Don’t get me wrong I didn’t eat all my lunches in the bathroom stalls..I had great friends who “got me” and who I will always be thankful for (you know who you are) but given the choice I would never in a million years go back to school (even if it meant getting my figure back – I’m that serious)… I guess my point here is that the saying. .. “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is utter crap!
Their words and sometimes lack of words hurt … and on some vulnerable nights like tonight when I’m feeling just a little bit sorry for myself and annoyed that the meanies clearly didn’t get their come up ens, I can’t help but think a scar from a stick or a stone would have healed by now….(instead of filling me with self doubt)
Funny thing is these “mean girls” might have never thought they were being mean, one of them could even read this right now and wonder who did this to me and think I must be imagining things because I always seemed so happy and upbeat (didn’t get drama award for nothing).
Always the optimist I like to think that they actually did me a favour (Whether they own it or not)…
They helped me appreciate the people in my life and let me take other people’s feelings into consideration…and I for one think I’m a pretty “nice person” who knows what it is like to be an outsider and because of this I will always go out of my way to remind every kid I know that there is nothing wrong with being “different” nothing at all…
So to all my fellow square pegs out there stop trying to fit into round holes…We are awesome just the way we are:)
And fb has both block and ignore options now for those vulnerable nights 🙂
I totally get this.
But I actually accepted a few requests of the "cool kids" and once you look past the pictures and pretense you will see that life has happened to them too – they have experienced loss, divorce, hard times etc. The hot boys all had beer boeps.
It was actually a good exercise for me. The playing field leveled a bit for me.
hehehe, I accepted a few too and you are so right, hahaha
Thanks for making me smile
Relating to this in so many ways, still today I don’t fit in, it use to bother me well not anymore, but it pains me inside thinking I could’ve been something today if it weren’t for the things people did or said to me, I left school early because suicide was not an option… I was that girl eating lunch in the bathrooms at break never seemed that way cause I had the most contagious laugh ever so whenever my feelings was hurt I’d laugh it off as if I was watching a Schuster movie, the pain at night was dreadful, I’d go so far to bribe them just to be a groupy did it last no…. Well I could go on and on but why should I sogg for doing nothing wrong cause those same “mean girls” that made me feel shitty shock themselves to death when they see me lol I’ve got them all on my Facebook “evil laugh” ….. The veel nou gese lol keep doing you girl, unpopular girls rule mwah oh and just for the record I heart you mwah…..!!!!!!
Wow I really appreciate this! I am so glad you got the last laugh. I believe that there are reasons behind everything…we can now use our own experiences to notice the signs in young kids and hopefully help end the cycle of self hate