I have a scar, it goes all the way down from my bellybutton to where C-section scars are usually situated –  I have been told on more than one occasion that my belly button is unusually high so that’s a long way – it’s getting wider as my belly stretches and must be well over 5cm by now…The scar is getting worse the bigger I get, stretching and hardening and hurting like heck, esp. since Aidan uses that area for kick boxing practice.

So what’s the point of me saying this? Well I was thinking how the scar is so representative of all that’s happened…I’ve “healed” physically but the scar is like a giant reminder of what happened…it’s changed my life “I can never confidently wear a bikini again” (also I’m no longer built for a bikini but that’s besides the point) and I can’t look at my tummy without remembering why I’m “mutilated” (in the rush to save my life they didn’t exactly care about how everything looked)…The doctor has told me that reconstructive work is in order…they plan on cutting out the scar tissue and stitching me up neater this time, then I have steroid injections to look forward to (I plan on using this as an excuse if I don’t lose weight fast enough) this is scheduled to happen right after Aidan’s birth meaning I get a new C-section scar (the regular garden variety) and another scar (the old re-cut one) which they (me especially) hope will heal way better this time… It should fade with time…but never truly go away, I guess like memories…some things are just meant to be a part of you whether you like it or not.