Category: interesting people

When the worst thing happens…Mechelle’s story

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Today is the second in my No Fear just Faith series, last week  I shared Claricia’s Story of dealing with cancer and all the associated emotions…Today’s story is a little different but fundamentally the same, a dear friend, Mechelle shares the story of being the mother of a toddler, pregnant and widowed before 30 and how she used the challenges to become an even better mom…

Faith over fear… I don’t bash bibles or shove my beliefs in people’s faces, but I do believe strongly in God. I had a rough childhood and the only things that pulled me through to semi ok adult was my connection with God. I am not trying to sound “ritious” but this is my story… I had everything I ever wanted. A healthy baby girl, a big hearted husband to be and we were living in our dream home and 4 months pregnant! Unconditional love! We had our fights, but he knew how to “wield” me and I knew how to emotionally support him. We had each others backs. I was happy, some days I wondered if I am allowed to be this happy. 6th February 2012; Jacques returned home from relocating his brother to a new town. He was gone from us for a week and, it was a week from hell. He came home late, I can not recall the time because I was out of my skin happy that he returned home safely. Our home was full again! I could sleep peacefully knowing he is safe here next to me. 8th February 2012; another usual day of getting the little one ready for school and getting ready for work. Jacques didn’t want to stay home and rest… He always pushed himself beyond the norm. I asked him to stay home and rest, but deep down I know he already made his mind up. I still remember chatting to someone when Jacques called me, very upset because I didn’t answer my phone. I walked behind him, gently so that he doesn’t get worked up and also because he walked too fast for me. I admired his legs… He has sexy legs. I remember looking at him in the court yard, something was different but I shrugged it off and basked in the bliss of our happiness. later the day he phoned and asked me to lunch. It was so cute, he ordered me a beef and mustard samie with a chocolate milkshake. (I used to crave that with my first born.) He had his usual avocado and bacon “tramisini” and coffee. I was on cloud nine! I couldn’t stop smiling, and yet still wondered if I am allowed to be this happy. Afternoon came and Jacques phones me again, in distress. He cut his finger open with glass and I rushed to the mediclinic to meet him.

 The doctor cleaned the wound and stitched him up. The doctor and I were chatting and trying to keep the tension out of the room, but as I looked at Jacques I could see fear. I didn’t know why, but I could see the fear in his eyes. We went home and obviously he felt a bit touchy so I gave him space. I was I the bedroom putting new bedding on when I heard a strange sound. The second time I heard it I knew there was something wrong, I ran to Jacques and found him half lying on his chair. He looked at he as I came to his aid, the fear more prominent. I do not know how, but I picked him up and he let his last breath out. I layed him gently on his side and screamed for my mom. We tried everything. His mom told me to press the panic button and the ambulance arrived. Everyone was terrified. We prayed. People were around me to try and keep me calm. The emergency crew tried to resuscitate Jacques. They tried their best and I could see the determination on their faces. I refused to think that Jacques won’t make it. I walked to out room and prayed alone. I begged God to help Jacques. As I got up and walked to the door, I felt Jacques. I felt his embrace. I knew it was him and he held me. He said goodbye. I don’t remember how I got to the lounge, but I was screaming and crying before they called his time of death. I was shouting at him to get back into his body. I was screaming at Jacques to come back. They took me outside and I screamed. We were all ripped apart. He is gone and no one saw it coming. Everything went dark. A part of me died.

 I don’t recall much after that day, but that day is burnt into my memory. Our oldest searched for her daddy and I was completely out of it. Those little questioning eyes still remain. For some reason I wasn’t angry with God. The words, everything happens for a reason, rang in my mind. God took Jacques for a reason. I still don’t know what for, but that brought me through. I remember Jénine and Ryan being there and she brought a bit of peace. The sunflowers and maroon daisies at the funeral reminded me of Jacques. I remember Cecile sending flowers and that brought a bit of hope. I remember Eleanor sending flowers, a candle and a teddy and that Brough light and made me realise that I have a child who does not know what is happening. There were other flowers and notes, but I can’t remember them as well as I remember these.

When everyone left fear and bitterness consumed me. We are alone! But Jacques faith pushed me to pray. I was terrified and alone on the operation table when I had our second one, but somehow Jacques was there and there was a bigger presence too. I took things day by day, not remembering much, but I knew I had to carry on for our children’s sake. 

Friends and family:  right on top with red pin, holding up baby is Jacques

7th March 2012; Eleanor lost Logan. This ripped my heart even more so. I couldn’t compare the pain, but I know a dear friend is in undesirable pain and my heart bled for her. I knew I had to push my pain aside and support her. We all were hit hard by this. We all cried bitter tears for her and Rob. We all prayed for them. The words “we do not get over something like this, but we learn to walk with it” somehow we both understood this and we chatted a lot after that. Chatting to Eleanor about our pain somehow helped me. It gave m strength to take another step forward. I prayed for the two of us and kept praying. I don’t think I was much support for El, but she brought me through a bit more. Jénine’s love brought me forward a bit more and I could breath…still not remembering much and constantly crying for Jacques. 8th April 2012; my dadda passed away. I looked at my mother emotionless and thought why are we being hit like this? Am I such a disappointment that even God wants to punish me. I was angry! I was bitter! Jacques was taken away from me! How could God be like this towards me. What did I do to deserve this? I moved back to our little town and still feeling dead inside. But Jénine, Eleanor and Cecile brought bits of life back to me. Their laughter, smiles, warmth and goodness brought life back and strength. Seeing the pain in Eleanor’s eyes brought compassion back to me. Seeing Cecile’s down to earth goodness brought hope back and Jénine’s love made the pain somewhat easier to carry. A year passed of me sitting in a lump not knowing how to overcome this passed and I made a choice to be the mother I need to be for my children. I am still a skeleton of the mother I used to be, but each day Brought me through. 

Each day I felt needed by my children and friends. Each day became better. I could not have gotten where I am today alone. God was always there for me, he felt my pain, my friends were there for me and I became stronger trying to be there for them. I know I am not much and I am not always there in their faces, but every word exchanged made me take another step forward. My children’s smiles, first time walking, tears and snotty noses pushed me forward. I thanked God for allowing me to spend time with Jacques. Out of a world of people, Jacques and we’re together again and God made that possible! I am blessed with so much and I learnt to appreciate each breath I take. 3 years later and I met up with a wonderful man who I befriended in 2005. We got married and the children adore him. I am happy again, but this time I am appreciating the little things. I couldn’t have come so far alone. There are still ups and downs in my life and every now and again I forget my blessing and worth… then hurt dear friends with my stupid self esteem issues, but I am willing to fight. I deserve to be happy. The one thing that amazes me was that life around you carries on after death. I used to hate that and wanted it all to stop, but now I am looking closely and I can see the life in everything moving beautifully and Jacques is there watching over us. Aidan was born, Jénine got married, Eleanor is doing very well, Rob is happy, Ryan is happy, Johnathan is over the moon and my children are ok. They made it! They are growing each and every day. I put my trust in God and he will lead the way. Jacques death forced me to take a step back to appreciate life and every moment we are blessed with our loved ones. Everyday is scary, but we will make it



Mechelle and her new hubby, Johnathan


Monday Mommy Moment – Sometimes we win!

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It is Mommy Moment Monday, like last week , remember…
This week’s question is

1. Tell us about one moment you felt like you were winning at this mommy thing…

Eleanor and Aidan

You know all about me already… 

Winning when : I pick him up at daycare and he insists on telling everyone that I’m his mom, he has so much pride when he says, see see, My Mommy. Oh and when he told a man who was littering, in his childlike innocents, “for the bin uncle” hehehe

Cindy and Imogen 

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I call her my princess, she calls me Mamma, Mommy, or Mu-um depending on her mood. Imogen is 5-years old and in Grade R. I am a single Mom, trying to climb the corporate ladder while my daughter keeps my feet firmly on the ground –  staying humble and grateful for being a Mom.


Winning when: I was most impressed when she was the first in her Grade 0 class to have her name placed in the Class Kindness tree. It was a reward for an act of kindness shown by her. I am not sure what she did to deserve this position – also a First Class in my heart. At her previous daycare I was also told of how she got a chair for a helper who sat on the floor one day. Makes me hope that I have done something right. 





Luchae, Kyle and Karis

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Luchae blogs over at myspreadsheetbrain she has two kids with a 12 year age gap so says she feels like she is doing it all from scratch




Winning when: I feel it every time my little girl wakes up and looks SO happy to see me! She makes me feel so blessed to be a parent. 




Zandile and Qawe

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Zandile is the mother of a rather precocious  4-year old


Winning When: I always feel like I’m doing something when my son’s good naturedness and manners come to the fore. Like when he remembers his “please” and “thank yous” without prompt. One night a while ago, we were at the KFC on 4th Avenue, Walmer. As we parked the car, we saw a homeless man rummaging through the bins looking for any leftovers. I didn’t realise Qhawe took notice. When we came out with our 6-piece Family Treat with pops, snack burgers and zinger wings as sides, he digs into the packet and takes out a box of pop and snack burger and hands it to the man. He even donated his juice (which really takes a lot). I wanted to cry!!! But kept a massive proud smile and thanked God once again for the beauty that little guy. Another one is the extreme pride in his name, Qhawe (meaning ‘hero’). Dare you mispronounce it!!! Khawe for who and what and why?





Yolande and Sam
Displaying Us.jpgSam is an active and very loving little boy born on July 31, 2012 and his mommy is a freelance writer who works from home and who is still trying to figure out how to juggle being a semi-stay-at-home-mom and a working-mom at the same time.  

Winning When: I think every time we push through a “phase” like not eating his vegetables or not wanting to go to sleep I feel like I’m winning – but this feeling usually only follows after weeks/months of “I’m failing as a mom”. 


Yolande was not available last week so we get her cringe now 🙂

The other day my little one was playing with sticky tape and the next moment he came over to give me a hug, but strangely giggled as he was doing it. I went out later to go and do an interview at a school and one of the staff members pointed out that there was a large strip of tape on my bum. I immediately realised that I was “pranked” by my toddler. 


A step into Chev’s life

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It’s that time of the week again, when I step back, become a little less self involved and chat to people who inspire me 🙂

Today I feature blogger Chevone Petersen, who has my mother’s maiden name and lives in Cape Town where my mom grew up, but is not related to me (I don’t think-that curly hair is suspect though, hehe) 
The first time I read her blog Chevs Life I decided it wasn’t for me, she was making me feel to bad, I mean she’s a single working mom to a hearing impaired child and founded Decibles of love, a project reaching out to parents raising hearing impaired children oh AND she surfs. I’m not about having myself feel inadequate, hehe. BUT she is so relate-able and funny and knowledgeable that you can’t help but get drawn in…here is what she has to say




-Tell us a little about your family…
My family constantly challenge my sanity! Think it may be because we are such a small family! I’m a single parent of a 7 year old, I have one brother and both my parents live with us.

-What do you do when not blogging?

I don’t blog often. I work full time and try to learn to surf in between work. I spend a lot of time with my son and do some volunteer work in between.

I tend to write most of my post on my phone’s notepad on a Saturday morning or while waiting for a train/sitting on the beach.

-What made you decide to blog?

I enjoy writing. After creating a web page last year a dear friend of mine encouraged me to blog and, well like they say, the rest is history!

-What was your concept behind the blog?

It’s my space, my thoughts, my experiences. I don’t get to spend much time with friends and blogging is my way of communicating with the world and putting my thoughts out there.

Some of my blogs are about experiences and feelings that I don’t ever want to forget, especially the ones about my son.

– Where does blog name come from?

Uhm, me, ChevsLife – me sharing bits and pieces of who I am and what my life is about. Pretty boring at times lol!

-Did you find yourself nervous at prospect of letting people into your life in this way?

Nope, I’m in control of what I want to share.

-Do you ever worry that your child will be like “mom why are you exposing my life?” 
I read all my blog posts to my son, anything that he’s not okay with I don’t publish/delete. The only posts that I’ve not read to him is Mid-Week Meltdown, Hearing Loss Rollercoaster and Parenting is a Breeze, Right. I’ll read these to him when he is a bit older, before he can access it on his own.  He knows why I blog and sometimes he gets bored with listening to me reading blog posts to him, other times he ask questions. It is a wonderful way to expose him to language, life and some of my thoughts.

-Does your family read your blog?
My parents have read some of my blog posts, but they not really online people. Sometimes I’ll read a blog to them, especially if it is about them and usually before I publish. My brother’s read some of my blogs, but again, not an online person. He read the Ugly Face of Drug Addiction before I published it as well.

-What do you hope to achieve through the blog?

A platform where I hope others can relate and say “I’m not alone”, “anything is possible”, a blog that allows people to look beyond what they see…


-What do you think makes for a “good blog”

Authenticity and the ability to convey a story that draws the reader back for more.

-How do you personally measure success in the blogging world

I don’t. I blog because I love to write and need to share some of what is going on in my head before it explodes 😀 (AGREED)

Journey to the Meth Lab

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Although my series on mom bloggers is technically over, I sometimes stumble across a blog I love and just HAVE to include, so I think that is exactly what I will do, I will keep on interviewing and sharing as we go along 🙂

Today I want to introduce you guys to Jozi Donjeany Meth who blogs over at Memoirs from the meth lab. I absolutely love her blog but I must say it freaked me out a little…She’s short, with a tall x-box loving husband and a curly haired tyke who is busy for days…How is this woman living my life, in a skinnier body no less…hahaha
Here is what she has to say
-Tell us a little about your family…

I’ve been married to Joe, my X-box mad dude, for 3.5 years. We met 10 years ago in London and have been together ever since. Four months after getting married, we got the surprise that I was pregnant. Our son, Ryder, was born in August 2012 and is now going on 2.5 years old. We live in our home city of Durban.


– are you the big family or small family type
I would like two kids and no more, so definitely the small family type. Hubby is happy with one. Just one. I have two much older brothers myself so often felt like an only child growing up. I want to be able to give my kid(s) the very best experiences in life, which we personally could never afford with more than 2 of them. But I also think it’s important for Ryder to have a sibling.

-What do you do when not blogging?
Blogging is presently a very small part of my life. I work in PR and marketing so my work days are pretty full. On weekends it’s all about keeping Ryder busy and stimulated. I only recently resumed blogging and currently it fits in during the precious hour or so before Ryder is awake, or after his bedtime.

-What made you decide to blog?
I love writing. There are stories swirling around in my head throughout the day that I know will never make it into actual written pieces, because of time. I usually end up posting anecdotes on Facebook. I tinkered with blogging very sporadically in the lead up to getting married, but now with a toddler I find there are so many things I want to record. Blogging beats recording it in baby books, which I never stuck to!

-What was your concept behind the blog?
Zero concept behind it. Haha. It started off as a general blog with occasional tales of my attempts to give up smoking and my wedding preparations. Now it’s full on motherhood, which provides so much fodder. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but it’s a journey that brings me so much joy that I do love writing about it.

– Where does blog name come from?
I married a guy whose surname is Meth. We have a pretty liberal sense of humour on both sides of the family, and when I was pregnant and people would ask what I’m going to name the baby, I would say it’s a girl and we’re going to call her Crystal. I use a double-barrel surname in my work life, but I am slowly getting used to the idea of letting go of my maiden name. I made a joke one day calling my in-laws and I ‘The Meth Lab’ and they thought it was hilarious. So the blog, as a collection of tales from my extended family and I, is called Memoirs from the Meth Lab. This might be utterly offensive to some and I apologise. Kinda.

-Did you find yourself nervous at prospect of letting people into your life in this way?
Yes. I’m used to over-sharing on Facebook, but that’s with only 400 of your closest friends (hah!). One of the first blog posts I wrote got a negative comment and I was so devastated it put me off it for ages. I’m older now and more thick-skinned. I try to keep things pretty light. So far there has been no need to get deep and dark and introspective.

-Do you ever worry that your child will be like “mom why are you exposing my life?” (I worry sometimes)?
Yes. I created a Facebook profile for him much earlier this year (groan) because that was my first outlet for recording important milestones. I knew he would be a digi kid and I wanted him to have a record of his early life. Mama is not the scrapbooking type. But I keep obsessing over his digital footprint and Googling his name to check what’s out on the net about him. 

-Does your family read your blog?
My husband is very inactive on social media so has only read like two posts. Maybe a few family members who have me on Facebook have read it.

-What do you hope to achieve through the blog?
At the moment, nothing but to have a record of my family life and if I can share a few important gems of wisdom along the way, then bonus.

-What do you think about the blogging culture in South Africa?
As an observer, I love the growth of blogging in SA. I’ve been following a motley crew of blogs for a while, but right now mommy blogs are what keeps me going. I can’t really provide much of an insider perspective because I’m not actively involved in “blogging culture.”

-What do you think makes for a “good blog“
Personally, I love good, creative, funny, honest writing. Things I can relate to. Great visuals are awesome, but great content still gets me. And maybe I’m a  bit of a voyeur, because I love getting an inside peek into how other people live.

-How do you personally measure success in the blogging world
I suppose follower numbers and all that will follow. But right now, I’m happy with just comments showing that people have appreciated or been interested in what I’ve shared.

Passing Nadine’s open windows

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On Thursdays I like to feature interesting people and today’s featured “mom who blogs” Nadine Rose Larter (Passing The Open Windows) is nothing if not interesting. She is a homeschooling mom and awesome author (featured her first book a while ago HERE) with such an unique look at life that I actually look forward to her fb statuses.  She really is such a special soul and has agreed to have us pry into her life a little…

-Tell us a little about your family…

Well, we’re a family of five. I have one son and my husband has a son and a daughter. We all live together in one messy chaotic and often infuriating house.

-What do you do when not blogging?

Goodness. I think I’m mostly “not blogging”. I home school the three kids so I’m usually moaning at them to do their work. Otherwise I do a small bit of freelance writing and I try to work on a lot of fiction writing as well.

-What made you decide to blog?

I started blogging in 2009. I just wanted to write stuff. I started by blogging the first couple of chapters of my book, Coffee at Little Angels, and then kind of just meandered into blogging about whatever I felt like relatively quickly.

-What was your concept behind the blog?

Well back then it was supposed to be blog about me writing my novel. Now there isn’t much of a concept. It’s just another way to procrastinate instead of working on actual novels.

– Where does blog name come from?

It’s a John Irving reference from my favourite book, The Hotel New Hampshire. It basically means don’t commit suicide.

-Did you find yourself nervous at prospect of letting people into your life in this way?

No. I don’t. I’m not sure why I don’t. I suppose most people would. I like an open and honest dialogue though. I like being able to say what is on my mind. I like asking questions and discussing answers. Every now and then I get a nasty response but it’s not enough to shut me up.

-Do you ever worry that your child will be like “mom why are you exposing my life?” (I worry sometimes)?

Again, no. I don’t write much about my life as a parent or stepparent to be honest. I think if I had to delve in to that more then maybe I would start to worry. I write mostly about myself and what I’m thinking. A little narcissistic I guess. But that is my right. I hope my child will grow up to respect that. I hope he will grow up appreciating that I am a person too. Not just a mom.

-Does your family read your blog?

I think they do sometimes, but not always.

-What do you hope to achieve through the blog?

A little bit of sanity perhaps. Maybe some clarity. Sometimes I don’t always know how I feel about something until I write about it. So that helps. Putting yourself out there and being honest (and vulnerable) can be a great thing. I like to think that it might somehow help when it comes to finding like-minded people to spend more time with.

-What do you think about the blogging culture in South Africa?

I honestly have no opinion. Ok maybe I do have an opinion: I think that we have a lot to talk about and I think we could do it in a civilised way but instead we all act like idiots. Sure, there are a ton of mom blogs out there and they’re all cute and sweet and everyone’s offering a pat on the head and some gentle encouragement – great. But I sometimes wish we could be more real about stuff. I have yet to come across anything that made me feel like it might be bordering on progressive. I like to think something like that exists and that I just haven’t found it yet.

-What do you think makes for a “good blog”

I think writing what you want to write and being honest about it goes a long way in any world. I’m the wrong person to ask though. I’m not exactly trendy or with it!

-How do you personally measure success in the blogging world

I don’t measure it. I’m just doing what I do for me. My “success” is my own.

Follow Nadine here:

Let your daughter be her own designer with PrettiYou

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So I found out about this AWESOME website!!!
You know those dress up dolls most of us had as kids? the paper ones? and these days on apps? well imagine if you could design an outfit, dress a doll, and then order the clothes!!!
Well now you can, a PE based company (I’m a proud NMB girl) is doing just!
 
Recently my niece Taylor (almost 6) and I got to order an item from their site, it was so user friendly and felt way more like a game than an online shopping website. The clothes look amazing too, and you know what, it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg like you would expect customised things to.
 

screen shot of the site


 
I interviewed Mandy Berning, the brains behind this concept, and here is what she had to say
 
Tell us a little about yourself?
My name is Mandy Berning.  I am a wife and mom of 2 daughters (Jamie 10 and Ella 6).  My ‘other’ field of work is Industrial Psychology.  I have owned and run a business called Equinox for 14 years – we do psychological testing and Training for corporate clients.   My husband also owns his own business.  So I guess you could say we are Entrepreneurial J.  PrettiYou is a nice blend of being a creative mom and an entrepreneur J
 
The PrettiYou family
 
 
Where does this super cool idea come from?
Last December a friend and I were chatting about how limited the clothing choices were for tween girls and how it seemed the clothes were too grown up for girls over 10.  We were also moaning at how often you finally found something you liked but then they were out of stock in the size you needed!  I joked about starting a little clothing business ……….. and that was the seed planted right there.  9 Months later, PrettiYou was born.
         
Where does your business name come from?
Every little girl is Special and Pretty and needs to be reminded of that – that they are beautiful being themselves.  PrettiYou says you are pretty everytime you say it – its a good reminder!
How did you involve the designer and what is her responsibility?
 
Ane is our Fashion Designer, she is young and full of fantastic ideas.  Her responsibility is to provide us with an ‘inspiration’, a theme for a range and once that is approved to design not only the clothing but also the prints and appliques that will be offered.  These are veto’d by hubby and myself and ofcourse Jamie and Ella (and their friends) J  as we go along, until we have a fabulous range.  The spring range is designed from the inspiration of a girls tea party – A teaparty where the sun shines warm on faces. Where the air is full of the scent of Jasmine and the the sounds of laughter and friendship. Where whimsical birds, bunnies, deer and  owls are invited guests; macaroons and chocolate cake is a given and all is right with the world!.  Our winter range (sneak peak) will be inspired by ‘Then Enchanted Forest’ J

 
Any plans of expanding?
 
We have actually already expanded into offering smaller sizes.  So we now have size options for 2 – 14 years. 
Lots of moms have approached me and asked if we would consider offering woman’s clothing with the same concept of designing your own.  Think its something we’ll look into next year (I know I love the clothing so much I have had them make a few things to my size!  Seems only fair to spread the joy J )
 
What are your dreams for your business?
I dream of it being something that brings a bit of joy to whoever comes into contact with us.  Anyone who goes online, who buys from us, receives a specially wrapped package or voucher from us, wears that special something from us that they designed themselves.  That it reminds lots of little girls of how special, unique and pretty they are.  One day when we ‘grow up’ it might even be a business our daughters (who are both very creative) might learn to run and enjoy. 
Where can people get hold of you?
 
Find us online at www.prettiyou.co.za.  On facebook at prettiyou and instagram #prettiyou.
 
 
MANDY BERNING
PrettiYou: Its about designing your own girls clothing online.
We’ll make them and send them with love.