Mothers day after losing your baby is a cruel reality. Rob hates it if I say I’m not a mother, he says it’s denying our son, I don’t mean to deny him, I just feel that being a mother with no-one to mother is the cruellest irony! Yes I’m a mother, but I want to be a mom!
I have the wide set hips of a mother, the stretch marks, the (worse than most) c-section scar, I have the medical bills and mementoes from birth, but that’s where it stops.
My heart aches as I write this, my arms long for a little someone to hold and caress and to sing to, I wish my “motherly duties” weren’t taken away so soon.
I’m healing, everyday I can feel God working towards putting my heart back together, but days like tomorrow hurt!!!
Moms are praised for their work, for late night feeds and kissing the booboo, for loving and taking care and with each advertisement on tv,radio,magazine, my entire being screams out, ITS NOT FAIR!!! I didn’t bail out on my duties on purpose! I want to stay up late with feedings and I don’t mind dealing with a cranky child! I wasn’t given a fair chance! Its just not fair!
It all feels so crazy like I entered a triathlon and when I got to the cycle part, my bike was stolen, I trained! I was ready! I wanted it! Its not my fault I couldn’t finish 🙁
I know so many women will share my pain tomorrow, through child loss and infertility! And I pray God helps us heal because this pain is something I would never wish on anyone.
(Picture from yailike.com)
Sent from my BlackBerry®