Aidan is going to Big school and I’m likely to go to the Big house, wait big house is prison right, I’m off to a place of padded cells more likely. See Aidan starts Grade R next year with a Number 2 haircut and a uniform and the thought is making me have thoughts.

I told you guys how Spas make me think weird things right, well turns out “Big School” info booklets have much the same effect.

Here are some things suddenly occupying my mind…

1. What is he going to eat

Aidan mostly takes cheese and crackers to school (yes like every day is a random romantic picnic) and some fruit rolls/sticks/squares. He also likes breakfast cookies. But these are likely to count as treats, according to the info booklet, so I better teach him to eat good old fashioned sarmies and FAST. My child is going to starve all because I could not be bothered to force him after the last time he said, “Sandwiches are gross mom and the only nice bread is toasted bread”.

2. He is going to look awful in the prescribed haircut

They want me to get rid of all his curls! noooooooooooooooooo say it ain’t so (okay now I’m singing Blink 182, “Say it ain’t so, I will not go, Turn the lights off, carry me home, Na, na, na, na ” but I digress) also no hair products. Is this an army? I can’t just cut off all his hair, I don’t think he has the bone structure to carry it off, quite frankly.

3. There are so many ways to break the rules, FLIP

I am by nature a rule follower, but Aidan, this Aidan here who got 5 out of 5 for everything on his little report card, but got a 2 for listening to authority. He questions every single thing and the likelihood of him getting into trouble for his cheeky mouth is, uhm, likely.

4. Am I going to be the hot mess mom?

Aidan’s current school is very relaxed. Very airy-fairy, like we are, and no one has outright looked at me weird for not looking “put together” at drop off (and pick up sometimes). They have even turned a blind eye at me rushing back in the morning because he forgot his lunch or message book or money for something. Now I’m going to need to be a functioning adult in a world of functioning adults. Flip! I was never ready.

5. What if his teacher hates me

As a general rule, I assume everyone hates me until they physically say otherwise. Not everyone “gets me” and that’s okay but not for my son’s teacher, she needs to like me, I need to not colour her opinion of my son based on my eccentricities. “Oh, that’s Aidan, lovely boy, pity about his crazy mom”. – to that end, no one shows this to her, okay! thanks 🙂

6. What if he sucks at school

Aidan is a smart kid (yes I’m biased, I also think he is ridiculously adorable, sue me) but he does not test well. He gets bored quickly and although he can be hyper-focused it’s only on things he gives a damn about. Unlike his mother, he is not a giver of damns. I’m the Oprah of giving damns, he, I reckon is a reincarnation of Clark Gable in Gone with the Wind because “Frankly my dear….” So if they ask him a question and he doesn’t feel like answering, he might just not answer and then he will get bad grades and end up smoking behind the school with the other juvenile delinquents….candy cigarettes, but still…then before you know it he highjacked someone’s four-wheeler and then what? huh huh?

7. What if he hates it

Okay disclaimer, Aidan does not like school much now either. But it’s familiar and they know him and they love him. They get that he is an empath vegetarian who hates when people raise their voice at him. They get that he is a loner who does not need to be forced to socialise, because he gets there in his own time. They are also aware that he struggles with iron deficiency anemia (other kids get their mother’s eyes this one went for the deficiencies) and it makes him extremely lethargic at times. What if the new school (which I am actually very glad we got in at, as it is known as one of the best and I have seen the amazing things they have done with my niece.) is not that tolerant and expect him to suck it up buttercup.

8. My baby is not my baby anymore

This is what everything really comes down to. The moment he puts on the school uniform he is practically filing for emancipation and then what? Okay, that’s a teeny little bit dramatic. But really it’s the start of a new life, of homework (do grade R’s do homework? what homework would they have, even) and extramural activities. It’s a world where he can be bullied or where his quirks which I hold dear might not be so cute anymore. It scares me so much Big school, for who? for what.

—- Okay so I was being a little dramatic about my Big school feelings especially as I am very glad he was even accepted, but I’m really just a mom worrying about separation anxiety (mine not his) and I really just want to do right by him…Anyone go through something similar when their kid left them behind like last weeks McDonald toy and headed off to “Big School”?