5 ways to fake being fancy.

Have you ever doubted your level of fancy. Does your love of a bargain and no name brand snacks radiate off you as you enter a room?

I was having a laugh with a few friends (Eridene mainly) recently. Talking about times we needed to “act fancy” when we didn’t feel it in the slightest. We were drinking rather expensive whiskey at the time wondering if anyone would notice if we added some juice…

Being that I am not  really that fancy, in fact  I am as basic as they come (I’m also extra hmmm I’m a conundrum just embrace it) my years as a entertainment and then lifestyle reporter made for interesting times.

More than once I would rock up in public transport to an event where I would be seated between people with problems such as “do I holiday in France of Greece this year”, “who will keep my horse company while I go skiing”

I had this bi-weekly thing where I would take celebs out for lunch (which I would pay for and get reimbursed for at the end of the month) on a junior reporters salary! I would just sit there “not very hungry” calculating in my head if I’d have to pay for the celebs’ lunch straight or on budget.

With this in the back of my mind I came up with a list of tips on how to act fancy, you know for “the in case” like the post I did in case you need to get glammed up fast.

1. Never look shocked at prices.

In fact the only reason you don’t want that R45 000 coffee maker is because it doesn’t go with the aesthetic of your kitchen. The chrome clashes with your pay cheque curtains. The only reason you don’t want that R6 000 top is because it is for someone with a warmer undertone and you are only walking away from that R10 000 shoe because you have it in blue. Don’t let the shop assistant intimidate you, even if she offers you the top in a different shade look her dead in the eye and say your stylist wouldn’t approve, and walk away confidently.

2. Invest in branded accessories

If you want to look branded. You don’t have to go head to toe. Actually just choose an accessory be it shoe, bag or belt…no one is going to catch on that your dress is from that cheap shop on the corner if your bag is designer. Ooooh that’s a Guess belt so I’m not gonna guess that the skirt is from Mr Price (when it totally is)

3. Be on a diet when u are broke

Sometimes you will end up at a restaurant where you wonder if the prices are even in Rands maybe its foreign currency. Zim dollars? Because you see, this coffee is priced like you’re getting the kettle with it and depending on the time of month that’s not on. This is where “being health conscious” comes in. Suddenly all you have been craving whole day is a plain Greek salad and a water (tap not bottle) Yes, that steak your friend is eating is making you regret every life choice from grade 8 onward (if only I didn’t sit opposite that cute guy in maths then I could have concentrated and then I could have been in a career where you don’t need to put a down payment on prime rib)

4. Google things before you rock up so u have terms to throw around

So if you find yourself thrown into foreign territory (as a lifestyle reporter this was my life for years) be prepared. Suss out the event and the guests. Be ready to fake wine knowledge at a wine tasting (Ooooh I can definitely taste that these grapes where hand picked by French students on gap year and yes yes oak, grass cutting and cinnamon) or food knowledge (yes yes the finer nuisances in the cheese give it a refined taste likened to a sunset on a balmy day)

5. Ask questions, pEoplE like talking about themselves and then u don’t have to seem uncultured

.Oh do tell me more. Wow I never knew (usually something I totally knew) yes yes do educate me on something I actually wrote two articles on and interviewed the key players…

… Although I have legit done all these things I really believe in just being yourself. the fanciest thing you can be is authentic. Whether that’s with sushi or a big Mac never be afraid to laugh at yourself cause that’s Kak fancy (the slogan on a top I want actually)

13 thoughts on “5 ways to fake being fancy.

  1. Amelia says:

    This is hilarious! I’m totally fancy from now on. I simultaneously love and hate #3 (mostly because I do it often). “Ah, I’ll just have a starter, my appetite is naturally minuscule…that’s why I’m so damn petite.” *Goes home and mainlines leftovers*

  2. Arlene Bowler says:

    Love it!
    “Never look shocked at prices”….lol.
    I’d look at an item, check the price (#$@=×!#$)…not aloud.
    Have a “not bad” look on my face, lift it up, scan it, put it down. Look at it in another colour. …again with a “not bad” look on my face…..then walk off, not run, but walk.

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