This blog is pretty candid, its a place I weigh up my (wayyy too many) thoughts and am honest with myself and all the people who read my posts, friend or foe…
Keeping that in mind I thought I'd share my latest dilemma…I find myself at a familiar yet overwhelming place in my life; I find myself (yet again) a control freak with NO,NADA,ZERO control.
Here I stand watching my life unfold, knowing oh to well the impact of pending situations, but with no way to control anything…
On one side of this painful ying yanging symbolism I call my life; I have "the good" I have LIFE quite literally growing inside me… Despite this, fear and uncertainty still haunt me, every ache and pain makes me wonder, "is this it?" Am I going into early labour? Will he survive? Do I get to bring a baby home this time?(Even though the doctor says everything is fine and he could be safely born right now) There is this contrasting side to all this GOOD… This BAD that haunts me and regardless of my feelings relating to the situation I HAVE NO CONTROL! Its not up to me what/when/how! Its just not up to me!
Then on the other side I have death looming, one of the people closest to me, my "other mother" is facing one of the toughest things anyone can imagine…Stage 4 cancer has her staring down her own mortality, but as a true testament to the human spirit she continues to fight…Drs say no but she says yes, we say someday, she says NOW… This is another stark contrast, here BAD stares at us with all it's fury while GOOD still manages to shine through….and yet again regardless of how I feel or what I want I still have NO CONTROL,No one has, it's not up to any of us…
Here are these major things happening that have such a big impact on life as I have know it and guess what, I HAVE NO CONTROL.
It's disheartening and exhausting, but not uncommon. I guess we never really have control, it's just one of those things we need to live with…
Take life one day at a time…one lesson at a time and TRULY (as hard as it may be) let God take the wheel.
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