I’m typing this with a hollow feeling in my stomach! My head feels floaty and I feel the start of a panic attack coming on…

Tomorrow/today (Monday) is the first day of my last day at the office… I walked in there as a 20-year-old, with a print media and a broadcast diploma,black nail polish, a nose ring and a tiny waist… I worked my way up, around and through…

Working there I’ve done stories (everything from riots to cupcakes) gone to amazing places (game farms, fashion weeks and even South America) I took pictures (feeling inadequate with my “mik en druk / point and shoot” compared to photographers with giant lenses)  I did videos (winning in house multimedia competitions a couple of times, I must say) took part in media challenges (won a singing comp in one of those) met amazing  people from (charity workers to celebs) did design and layout for top newspapers and wrote a blog,a column and a fashion match up series I loooved…

all the while my coworkers became friends, then family…

It’s been a crazy ride and in some ways it seems insane to give it all up…
The thing is I have this feeling deep inside that I’m not living my dream (yes hardly anyone ever does – I’m not naive – but I have the chance and would regret not trying) Maybe I just want to find out who I am away from the office.

I do think that having lost loved ones in the last few years many of them young has changed what I want, it’s changed me.

I don’t want to wake up at a crazy hour every morning anymore, I don’t want to drop Aidan off at my mom’s house ridiculously early (him still groggy and confused) so she can handle drop off. I don’t want to come home late every day (especially since we live “outside of town” and I take the train) just in time to fight with him about eating, before bath and bed.

I might change my mind, I may be desperate for air-conditioning and water cooler talk, but right now…before he starts “big school” I want to be home just a little bit more…
Granted I’ll probably be even busier but my “smoke breaks” (I don’t smoke but you get what I mean) will be spent blowing bubbles with my boy and lunch time spent chatting to him…

So starting the first of next month my life will be a whole other (baby attached to my leg,overworked but at least I’m home) ball game.

I’m going to be a freelance writer: have newspaper, copy writing and web work lined up (for general eating and not being put out of our home purposes)
My own online store/brand: launching handmade accessory and gift store with boys in mind, inspired by my munchkin (struggle to find nice accessories and crafts for boys, pink and glitter all around it seems – girls can use too obviously, because not every girl is into pink and pretty)
Crafter for hire: In my limited spare time I’m still gonna do my kids photography, party favors, party games (been doing this now anyway)

Oh and did I mention studying and tutoring is supposed to fit into all of this…

I know it’s ambitious, I know it’s insane but OMW it’s exciting… calling it a pay cut (which crazy person would do that) for a happiness increase (nothing ventured nothing gained)

– My husband and family have been so amazing, supportive and encouraging and some even helping with handmade projects…
– My friends albeit shocked and awed have been awesome too (sidebar: I say awesome way too much for a grown woman)
– Some friends have been a little skeptical; the economy, lack of media jobs, lack of security, stress of working and being home and so on, but I’m not taking on the negative right now (I resigned already anyway, so it’s like telling someone you hate their short hair AFTER they cut off their locks) I’m excited, I’m happy and I’m learning to trust my own abilities …

 Even more so I trust God has my back on this… He has proven time and time again  that his strength is perfect and I’m taking this as a God led project…

Wish me luck guys and you better support my online store 🙂