So am I admitting narcissism?, well sort of, but not purposeful narcissism, is that a thing?
I read an article tonight about a woman who realised that she would unintentionally shift focus in conversations to herself, conversational narcissism, she called it, and it struck a cord… So I’m here to apologize …
I know I have a similar habit. It comes from a good place, but heart attacks come from hearts so that’s no excuse.
The thing is, I hate seeing people distressed, I want to help, I want to make things better, and sometimes I end up making it about me. I want my friends to feel like they are not alone, like I get it, like they are not some strange being feeling things in a vacuum, but often I f it up and end up with this focus shift situation.
Like a friend says I’m cold… I will say, me too (well unless I’m not cold, the problem is conversational narcissism not lying) instead of saying, “can I help?”
Someone says so and so upset them and I will tell them: “it’s okay to feel upset, things like that upset me too” sometimes sharing a similar story, instead of just letting them just wallow in their upsettness.
It never really occured to me until I read the article (also people still hang out with me so I can’t be THAT bad) but now I’m suitably shamefaced. SO…
If my need to make you feel understood had resulted in you not feeling heard, I apologize. I apologize if my need to make you feel “like you are not alone” has resulted in making you feel “not validated”
It came with good intentions… But so did many wars… So I humbly apologize and am resolute in my quest to listen without trying to fix it because quite frankly we all just need a moan now and again and not everyone has a blog to do that.
Okay so that article DEEPLY resonated with me!! BUT if someone says “I’m cold” then dude, I’m also gonna say “ja man me too” unless I’m not actually cold. I will definitely not say “can I help” just now they ask for my jacket. In my own experience, sometimes, NOT always and not willy nilly, it’s nice to now you’re not alone. When I speak about my loss and my dad and my friend says they understand because they miss their dad too, maybe it’s just a NEW way of grieving. Together. Where it’s not therapy but actually just friendship. Because I think we hang out with people who get us and it would get so old so soon if someone only ever asked how they can help when I’m just talking about how cold I am?
The way I laughed for “just now they ask for my jacket” hahahaha. I think it’s about being aware without being rediculous. Don’t want every conversation to sound like an episode of Dr Phil… How’s that working for you? How does that make you feel? “it makes me feel cold Martha it makes me feel cold” hehehehe
Now you’ve got me thinking… Actually I had myself thinking this morning already and felt a tad out of character. My colleague complained about a pain today and I had the same pain with a heat pack to show for it. We often experience similar aches and pains and I’m always like “Mine too”. Today was one too many because it triggered something. A little voice telling me how weird it is that we sort of make notes or comparisons.
Thanks to you, I now have a name for that something. Great Post!
I went blood red as I read the article but hey we live and learn thank you so much for weighing in I appreciate it and hope you feel better
but heart attacks come from hearts so that’s no excuse
That is quotable, you’re good at writing!
That is so nice of you to say , thank you