I know this post is likely to make me unpopular, but it’s okay, I was a super nerd at school and being unpopular is second nature.
As much as I love the concept of a village raising a child there are some places where “village idiots need not apply”.
There are certain values and traits that I would like my child to grow up with and for this to work, there are some subjects I would rather have you avoid when speaking to my preschooler – and those are.
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My reproductive decisions
I’d rather you not tell my son, to tell me that he needs a sibling, or that he is so lonely, or that I’m being unfair to him by him not having siblings. Your “small talk” is going to put me between a rock and a hard place; either I am going to have to discuss dead babies, moms that don’t survive birth and the possibility of me being confined to bed, along with financial decisions with a four-year-old or I am going to have to say, a hard no…either way I am not coming off like the hero of this story. So don’t ask my son about his mom’s reproductive decisions (and this comes from sooooooooo much experience)
2. Your racial/cultural PREJUDICE
We are working hard to teach our son to embrace people’s differences so if you could please not make any comments against any other races, cultures or religions, that would be super. He knows that his friends come in different shapes and sizes and at this point he is just impressed that God doesn’t run out of ideas of how to make people look, and that is good enough for me. Don’t you dare add stereotypes or derogatory names to any of these. PS. He doesn’t flinch when he sees same sex couples so if you wouldn’t mind, could you not make it weird for him. Right now he sees being a couple as an adult thing,that’s enough.
3. Religious sentiments
And while we are on the topic of God, my husband and I have taught our son that there is one God with many ways to serve him, that is why some of his friends go to Sunday School and others to Madrasa, why some of his friends wear dreadlocks and others headscarves. I would appreciate it if you don’t add your penny to this plate. By all means share about religion and tell him stories, but don’t ever try to get him to look down on other religions, NOT COOL! NOT COOL!
4. His decision to be vegetarian
Yes it is rather unconventional for a preschooler to decide to be vegetarian, BUT we respect his decision. If you can force your child to eat meat after they fell asleep sobbing because they put two and two together and figured out on their own that animals had to die to be meat, then, that is honestly, no judgement, your decision. But for us , respecting his wishes is our decision so can you not make fun of him/tease him/draw unnecessary attention to it or tell us to simply lie to him, because I simply don’t have time for that.
5. Gender stereotypes
My son doesn’t care that the toy he is playing with is pink or “made for a girl”, he cares that it is fun. He likes My Little Pony and Unicorns and also calls himself Catboy and spends a ridiculous amount of time pretending to be a ninja. We don’t care if he wants to play with a doll or a dragon, it is all just in good fun and I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t make it weird with your preconceived notions.
I know that was a little ranty, but I find so many adults being so inappropriate and I simply had to say something. Ask him about school, about his love of PJ Mask, about anything really, just keep in mind that those five points are a no go…
What topics are off limits when it comes to your kids?
Yes!!! I love this post SO much!
thank you 🙂
I have so much more respect for you after reading this. Your son is bright and the last thing he needs is to be burdened with ignorant world views or insensitive adults. The most intelligent have the most sensitive souls. Thanks for a good read once again.
Thanks so much, means a lot
Awww this resonates with me so much. Especially the ‘when are you having another baby’. Well done on being a super mom that raises your kid to the best of your ability. The other thing that’s off limits for us is discipline. That’s my job. Loved this post x
What is it with people and other people’s uteruses I ask you 🙂
Basically the same things I try to reach my child! Good to know there are some parents out there who also know the struggle of others trying to force *their* opinions, perspectives on your little one. Thanks for this post
Thanks Leolynn. it’s most annoying when it is complete strangers, like where do they get off
THIS! All of this!! Awesome post <3
Thanks so much 🙂
You’re such good parents <3
hahaha, just mulling along
definitely not a mom but im touched by this post. So great of you stand up for your son in his choice to be vegeterian, people can be so mean! Bless him.
People don’t get it and I feel that since he is only four I need to be the one who protects him…thank you 🙂
I read the title and thought “Oh, here we go”, but I was curious too, so I read the post and so much YES. We have a deal in that you can teach our child about anything, but if you ever attack another’s humanity in her presence, we will end you. We don’t care whether that is with regard to religion, gender, culture, race, career, life decision. It’s respect first and all else later.
Lmao, at the here we go! i was afraid that people would think I’m just being extra but I am honestly just so over people overstepping boundaries with kids
Yes, yes, yes!
And don’t tell me boy that he can’t have a pink kinder joy while in the queue at Checkers okay! Cos, I will give you the side eye…
It’s happened many times.
There are more to add, but I won’t.
Yes, yes, yes!
And don’t tell my boy that he can’t have a pink kinder joy while in the queue at Checkers okay! Cos, I will give you the side eye…
It’s happened many times.
There are more to add, but I won’t.
he likes frozen!!! back the F OFF!!! hahahaha i feel you
Your son sounds like an awesome human! Well done to you and your husband and you are absolutely right! Great post!
Thanks so much, that is def what every mom wants to hear
This post totally knocked tbe ball out of the park. Exactly. Every single word!
Thanks so much lady 🙂 was so nervous to post but so relieved that so many people GET IT
Love this post! Wish some people would just mind their own bees wax.
i second this motion
This is so amazing. If ever I am blessed to be a mother, these will definitely be on my list. Thanks for your honesty.
thanks lady 🙂 I appreciate it
Wow Elle I love this. And I love your style of parenting 🙂
Thanks Tulz, weird I never thought of it as a parenting style…just kinda trying to keep him from being a douche nozzle, lol
Yes Elle. It freaks me out when people do that. They don’t have to cope with the eina and difficult conversations afterwards.
Exactly this!
This is perfect. I wish you ran the world xxx
Hahahaha, I just have many feelings today Ange
Huge respect for a little boy who chooses to be vegetarian.
It took me many years longer.
THank you, He has such a different way of looking at the world this kid
I could not agree more Elle!
Thank you Lynn 🙂
I love this!
Much appreciated
Great post! You make excellent points and I concur.
Thanks Celeste 🙂
AMEN SISTER! Preach far and wide! I could not have said it better myself. Also, if I tried to write this post the way I want to, my blog would get suspended 😛
hahahahaha, a little more colourfull I’m guessing 🙂
Absolutely a worthwhile read! I agree with you 200%! Often we’ll find its not strangers that say and do the most hurtful things to our kids! Its family members! Close one’s in fact! Sometimes and more often than not; its grandparents or aunts and uncles who think they “know” your child best! I have learnt the hard way that I am my child’s voice and if I can’t stand up for them; no one will! I say my say and deal with the faces and words of these family members afterwards! Well done on raising a great human person!
Ah yes! Thank you for sharing this post! For me, I am so tired of being told that Noah needs a hiding and then he will start listening. NO! We don’t like to give hidings. For us, we have found far more effective ways of disciplining OUR child, that work way better than a hiding ever will! Stay in your lane, people, and worry about your own child. We’ll worry about ours! Megan xx
Ah yes! Thank you for sharing this post! For me, I am so tired of being told that Noah needs a hiding and then he will start listening. NO! We don’t like to give hidings. For us, we have found far more effective ways of disciplining OUR child, that work way better than a hiding ever will! Stay in your lane, people, and worry about your own child. We’ll worry about ours! Megan xx
You are making me smile cause it’s so different to see you Heated about a subject but Duuuude do I ever feel u on this