To Logan on his 3rd birthday in heaven

Happy birthday my Logie Bear on this birthday we don’t get to share…

You would be three now. I wonder if you would have had a better appetite than your brother, he seems to get hungry every fortnight. Would you also be a busy body vegetarian who can talk the hind legs off a donkey. Or would you be the quite deep little one begging for a burger.

What cake would I have made for you? What gift would you have wanted?

You got two cousins this week Caleb and Cruze. Caleb is a tiny little thing kind of how you were, just healthier 🙁 and Cruze is a little ox like your brother was at birth, also just healthier… (Sheesh you two put me through my paces, I didn’t even realise babies could come straight home, but they did and we feel very blessed)

We miss you little man, even if you don’t hear us crying every night begging for morning like when you first died…even though I don’t write you these letters all that often anymore…We miss you!
I still get that old familiar kick I’m the gut when I think about  you, I still can’t breath for a second when people ask me how many children I have or ask what happened to you. I still get nightmares and flashbacks and every time your dad has to deal with a deceased child at work I know reality hits him straight in the face.

I try to be brave and I talk to other angel moms and tell them that there is a light at the end of the tunnel (albeit not the light we signed up for) it makes me feel good to keep your memory going like this…

Oh Logan how crazy things are, life has gone on…my hair is longer and I’m still trying to lose weight, I still talk too much and rest too little, my mind is always racing and with your little brother so am I…

Look over him Logie Bear, he is such a curious little thing and I worry about him all the time. He doesn’t understand danger or mortality and flirts with it daily with his climbing and running and lack of eating… I’m paranoid since you left and his safety is paramount…Please watch him

I hope the angels spoil you and you get that cake I never got to bake…love you forever and a day my angel child


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