I miss having a clean “adult house”. These days I feel like I’m living with Aidan as his things take over our living space. But right now as I type this I have a new appreciation for the mess and here is why …

I appreciate it because my son is here to make it, as simple as that. On Saturday which was international pregnancy and infant loss awareness day I heard of the passing of one of Aidan’s classmates and it hit me hard.

I have never prayed so hard for a virtual stranger (someone I had only met in passing) so much in my life.

My heart went out to her in the realist way. With Logan, he only lived two days so although he had a room and he had a car seat and a bunch of things, nothing had really “belonged” to him yet.

I can’t imagine losing a toddler, one whose fingerprints have marked your home, whose little toy parts have rolled under the fridge and sit wedged in the couch.

Someone whose tiny clothes find their way into your cupboards and whose collection of sippy cups outweighs your collection of wine glasses.

I find myself really appreciating the “obviousness” of Aidan’s presence here…

The legos that impale my feet, the toy boxes that magically multiply and the toys I’ve found in my bag at the most random (unfortunate) times.

I appreciate the bath toys I  always seem to be sorting, I value the little shoes which seem to hate being in pairs. But most of all I appreciate the opportunity to be a mother, something I prayed so hard for  and something I will always be thankful for. (His antics to drive me to whine and wine though and I’m not ashamed of this, hehe)

I know it’s annoying, stepping over piles of books and dodging three-wheelers but this week  just take a moment, breath in the scent of burnt toast which you incorrectly cut into squares (triangles are so in right now), glance at the floor of your car which you used to be able to see clearly,  or listen to the sound of  Disney on repeat and smile because having the mess means you have the messer…

Have a great Monday all…