You don’t have to stay with that jerk you’re dating.
Or the one you’re married to, or the one that’s your friend but treats you really bad. You don’t have to keep them in your life.
It took me a while to learn this, but since I have, and now surround myself with awesome people, instead of soul vampires, I can share some big sisterly advice. I have 2 younger siblings and 14 younger cousins who I’m pretty close to (also some younger friends) so listen to my big sister advice, it’s finely tuned.
My advice….RUN, DON’T WALK! Away from toxic relationships
Years ago I was head over heels (I cringe and throw up in my mouth a little when I think about it now) in love with this guy who wasn’t very nice to me. I’m not saying he wasn’t a nice guy…I mean people loved and still love him so he is decent. He just wasn’t decent to me. In fact he was an arse hat of note when it came to me…not from the start though, I mean I wasn’t completely idiotic he had to hide is jerk tendencies at first (Cause I’m not the type of girl to stop for wolf whistles out of cars that slow down as you walk by, so I wasn’t likely to start dating a guy who treated me crap right off the bat)
But things changed, he put me down, he cheated on me (oh boy did he ever) In fact I remember one day he left me with his family and went to hook up with an ex and then took me for coffee afterwards ( I didn’t know this at the time , but even though I’m bad at maths I ended up putting one and one together)
Where were your friends you may ask…No, they were there. Telling me he was not good for me, telling me that they saw him on dates with other people, telling me that perhaps if a guy’s friends don’t know who you are after two+ years this was not a good thing.
But you see I loved him and he loved me and I could change him and he was different with me (whoops just totally blacked out from cringing as I typed that)
Eventually he broke up with me because after 3 years I was getting too serious (also one of his side chicks was seriously pregnant, hahahaha…. Cringe) there is loads more, but I live in a small community and shan’t be divulging anymore…
Okay a little more. I was seeing this other guy who didn’t tell me he had a fiancé, you know who told me? His fiancé as she stood in my driveway shouting at me.
Also I sort of dated this guy who refused to meet my friends and another one who wouldn’t let me meet his. Chatting to his wife on the phone as she was putting their crying baby to sleep cleared that one up right fast!
I have not had the best luck with men, clearly! And I only started dating when I was 19 and then every guy I dated (4 in all) were jerks… Until now, now I am super ridiculously happy. I have a good looking husband who is a complete history and gaming nerd and whose favourite thing to do is cook while he doesn’t mind cleaning. (God totally made up for those frogs of the past)
After my first real breakup my mom said something really important to me; “You have to let go of the life you had planned for yourself to truly accept the life God has planned for you” and that stuck.
The thing is ; I wouldn’t be with the person I am today if I didn’t learn to forgive my own trespasses (hehehe)
I was young, dumb and my self esteem was lower than a hip hop artist’s saggy jeans. I was just soooo happy to be noticed I didn’t realise that I was letting people dull my sparkle.
Here I was so happy to be invited to the party I’d stand in the corner holding everyone’s jackets (metaphorically speaking) but these days I throw my own parties (also metaphorically speaking, I’m too lazy).
I’m so thankful for my bestie who stuck with me through my crazy days when I called her jealous of my relationship (cringe cringe die!) and I’m thankful I was never physically hurt.
It breaks my heart when I see these amazing women (men too, I’ve seen this with awesome guys I know) being treated like crap and not realising they deserve more.
You actually, no jokes, don’t have to stand for it.
I know you fear loneliness, and rejection, I know you think that if you let go of the stability you will fall and no one will catch you, but thing is guys, you don’t need to be caught, you’re a flippen superhero and you will land on your feet ( in stilettos because apparently that is what superhero chicks do).
Then a few years from now you will be dishing out big sisterly/brotherly advice of your own as you blush your way through typing, cringe and die
- I love hearing your stories, have you ever found yourself thinking! “I DESERVE BETTER”