My name is Eleanor Douglas-Meyers and up until sometime yesterday, I would have loved your approval.
I mean it’s only been 32 years of please love me!
But as a short, boskop girl who rolls her R’s this wasn’t a given… but I’m not gonna go into that here… I already did on Ruth’s Blog.
Yesterday I reached a point where yet another person doubted my capabilities. Yet another person looked at me and thought surely she isn’t man/woman enough. Surely she hasn’t proven herself…but thing is I have
When I got my first newspaper column at 20, people wanted to know; why her?. When at 22 I was a lifestyle reporter with a tiny frame and bubbly personality my editor was questioned about my abilities. When I was asked to go to Brazil for fashion week people asked what I knew. When I moved to do layout and design I was watched like a hawk in case I mess up. When I did video eyes widened in shock that I could edit (I was one of the top students in my year actually) when I went back to write again people were surprised that my stories would make front page. I quit my full time job and people freaked out, but it’s over two years now and I am yet to go to bed hungry.
Time and time again I worked extra hard, later hours, less pay and “proved my worth”
It’s not that I can’t take criticism…I am not beyond reproach in the slightest but there is a difference between wanting to help me and “wanting to help me”
I know we all have to prove our worth in things, show what you’re capable of. But the shock and awe you get from completing a task get’s old. Even a dog wants a “good boy” now and again, especially if you have him fetching the same damn ball over and over and he has now proven that he can fetch a damn ball. In fact he has fetched so many other things, done so many things but you don’t want to acknowledge any of that, nope, you don’t care that the dog works with the fire department or blind people, nope you are fixated on the damn ball.
I feel like reciting that scene in colour purple about fighting my whole life… (but it’s not that serious)
Yesterday someone suggested I get help for one of the projects I’m currently working on. Informed me about concerns that it is an awfully big task for lil old me and I realised F IT.
I’m done…from now on it’s not my responsibility to make people take me seriously- my efforts clearly have not worked up til now…
So, I’m just gonna pray and slay and I’m gonna stay nice and stay bubbly and actually… If you don’t like it...u too can suck it
Love you guys! appreciate you guys! have a great weekend