MARCHing into an emotional month

It’s the first week of March and my nerves are shot! 
This week marks three years since we had to sign a birth and a death certificate, with the same pen, on one day 🙁
Three years since I became a mom and then a question mark…
It’s the first Monday of March today, the first Monday of March is when I was admitted to hospital three years ago, entering with promise, exiting with anguish.
And guess what, in a strange turn of events my sister will today be admitted into hospital to give birth. I feel like I’m outside myself looking in.
All I can do is pray , pray for God to be with my sister and her son and pray that he calms the raging anxiety in my heart.
Rob’s brother and his wife are also supposed to have a baby this week… Another boy, another reason for my heart to hold on by a tattered string.
I feel confident that the boys will be okay but at the same time, it feels like my heart and mind are not on the same team, like I have the devil and an angel on my shoulder feeding me information I just can’t seem to dissect. 
I need it to be next week, even thought that means I will be 30 I need to just get through this week….

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