Aidan is now one and a half so naturally the question on everyone’s lips is” sooooooooo when are you having another one”?
A friend teased the other day that she still has 17 years of instalments on her current one so she is in no hurry.
This all got me thinking, how is it that having only one child is more of a “social taboo” than having lets say, none.
“We have decided children are not for us” seems to be more acceptable than “We are happy with just the one”
The thing is, right here, right now, in this space in time, we are happy with the Mama Bear, Papa Bear, Baby Bear, scenario and can see this working for us as a long term thing.
Yes I might get very broody one day and find myself vowing to have a baby as I stare longingly into someone else’s stroller as they rush off from the crazy lady, but for now this is okay.
But the thing is, apparently it’s not ok…Apparently I’m selfish, my child will turn our spoilt, I am not being fair to my kid, I will regret it when I get too old, this is the perfect time
…. and so forth and so on.
(I have recently spent a total of 15 months pregnant this is actually not the perfect time)
It’s so funny though, no one says that of my cousin who is a “single mom” (It’s in quotes because we are a very pushy family and no one gets to be single anything, hehe)
She has one child and she is seen as a strong independent woman making a life for her and her child, one is the perfect number for her while her married counterparts should know better…
Don’t get me wrong I know the pros of having siblings, I have two, Rob has two, we also have hoards of cousins , so we know all about the big family holidays, the trips, the fights, the love/hate, we get why that could be great.
But we also don’t see why we have to have more kids just so he isn’t lonely, isn’t that a little “my sisters keeper” like all the subsequent kids are actually just his play things.
I want to have another child if it’s right for my family, not because society dictates.
The lonely argument doesn’t work with me anyway, I have two siblings and spent most of my life pretty lonely and actually spent/spend way more time with my cousins than with my siblings anyway.
Aidan is getting two first cousins this coming March, one from each side of the family and one will be living next door so there goes the loneliness argument.
Rob and I just feel that financially and emotionally we are better equipped to parent one, and don’t think there is anything wrong with that.
Besides technically and in our hearts we parent two… I’ll admit some of it might be fear, I haven’t had the easiest pregnancies and both births saw me almost losing my life, so do we really want to play Russian roulette with my life?
We wanted to be parents, and we got that, why chance things? People keep telling me not to fear, God will provide, and so forth.
It’s just that, well…. He has provided hasn’t he? why am I not allowed to be happy with said provision?
The point of my rant is this… I think every family is special, whether you chose to have one child or five it’s the love that matters, the caring, the support.
I no longer get to buy fancy shoes whenever I want, or go out whenever I feel, my house is a mess and I’m tired all the time, so I would appreciate not being called selfish thank you very much.
My boys are my everything, watching Robin and Aidan interact makes me ridiculously happy…. I just wish people would stop trying to “finish the picture” only God knows the end result so…Let it Go
Who knows maybe one day I would like to be the old woman who lived in a shoe….but for now I’m very happy as Mama bear and might just live out my days like that.
Regardless of what you decide your family should look like, I wish you tons of love and light 🙂
We get this all the time too! Yes, there are financial reasons, timing, age, etc. But the main reason is that we are content. We are happy just being the 3 of us. Cara is all we ever wanted. Why can't people just accept that? Yay for the 3 musketeers!! xxx
Guess we will never get away from opinions, just need to do what's best for you 🙂
I am one of those people that tries to get everyone else to have 3 kids. It's what I know and love so I expect it to work for everyone but that's not how it works. Good on ya for finding what works for you and sticking to it!
Oh gosh, yes, I have a totally different opinion – but from the base that I am an only child. My dad passed away when I was 7 so I guess it was easier for my mom – but at that stage they were busy adopting a boy, which fell through with his death.
Now my mom is close to 80 and every single day I wish I had a sibling. Not only to share the mounting care of my mom, but also of the emotional things that you have to handle on your own. Also, once she is gone I will have no one that shared my childhood and memories with me. Yes, I have two cousins that shared a lot of holidays and birthdays etc with me but they did not live in my house, shared the little things that make up a family. And these days they have each other – and I am on the outside. The older I get the more I need the siblings I never had.
Also my kids have only two cousins – my BIL kids (that live in Cape Town) because if you do not have siblings your kids will not have cousins. Yes, they will have the twice removed etc type that we spend a lot of time with, but its not the same.
We initially married with the idea not to have kids – when hubby asked me to reconsider I then answered – yes, but not just one. Then two (well who knew – we then had twins so 3 in the end)
sticking to it for now because you never know how things change 🙂
That's very true, the his kids wont have cousins thing…. never thought of it. I can certainly see myself as a mother to just one, I can see that working for us, BUT I never say never because feelings change and life situations change, and who knows 🙂
Lovely post…I think the crux of the issue is that we should respect each persons right to decide.
Exactly! 🙂