I disagree with my friend’s parenting decisions, and that’s okay

So why am I telling you that I disagree with my friend’s parenting decisions? Is it that I am hoping my friend reads this and that she will see my disapproval? Nah it’s not that. I mean, obviously, I don’t hide parenting style clashes, how could I with a blog I update at least three times a week? I was just thinking that it is perfectly fine to disagree with my friend’s parenting decisions and still be friends, and dare I say it myself…more people need to do that.

disagree with my friend's parenting decisions

Also when I say friend I mean friends…I disagree with quite a few…

First let me say that I know for a fact that I am not a perfect parent, if I was I would not be typing this while listening to my son’s fake sobs. Apparently, I’m a boring mother and this is the third worst day ever this week (It is only Tuesday). Oh wait, he just put himself in the naughty corner and wants me to supervise his self-inflicted punishment.

So how do I disagree with my friend’s parenting decisions?

I could not do the cry-it-out method

I know parents who do the cry out method. I know parents who did it with great success. I bet they aren’t supervising a self-inflicted naughty corner punishment right now (yes I caved). I just could not bring myself to do it. I don’t hate myself for not being able to do it and I don’t hate you for doing it. My reasons are mine, and yours are none of my business.

I caved with the “forcing him to eat” thing

I know that I probably messed up the whole food situation quite badly. I mean I breastfed till long after his first birthday and made all his first foods from scratch. I keep sugar to a minimum and make sure he drinks a lot of water, but this child has never had a full plate of food ever. He is a self-elected vegetarian and things like waffles with hidden vegetables count as a full meal. I know some friends are hardcore, they do that proper, “sit here until your broccoli evaporates”, thing. Me? I’m just happy he is getting food in, if it means it’s a smoothie and a hand full of cereal, so be it.

I could never home-school

We took Aidan out of school for a bit to work on his anxiety and I always want to keep teaching him at home. However, when it comes to full-time home-schooling, like some of my friends have opted for. That’s a hard no. I don’t have the patience or the maths skills for that ish, sorry but it is true

The big snip snip

When it comes to circumcision I have found that my decision clashes with many of my friend’s decisions. Mine is not the popular way, in fact, I won’t even say which way we opted because I don’t want to discuss my son’s genitals with the internet….sooooo ja.

The big vax debate

I have a good friend who is anti-vax. Me? I’m pro-vax. We actually said the other day – over cappuccinos and oreo cheesecake – that we would just agree to disagree, because we could each come up with a million high school debate ready arguments to prove our points, so we would just move on.

I’ve explained gender norms

He knows that couples aren’t only boy-girl. He knows that some people who were born boys would like to be girls and the other way around. He knows that men and women don’t have to stick to boy things and girl things and he knows I love him no matter what. I know some people prefer to wait until their children are older and I respect that. I’ve opted to be as age appropriate as possible, but still make him aware. I would hate for him to point and stare at Sarah’s two mommies, so I explained it, and turns out he could not care less.

I let him be independent

Aidan is five and can make himself lunch. He can make toast, pour juice even make popcorn in the microwave. If he wants to know more about a subject he will use voice activation on his tablet (yes we do screen time, I told you I’m all over the place) to search the answer on YouTube. Sometimes he asks me how to spell something so he can search. I believe that he is a bright kid and try not to dim that light. But I also know many parents would see this as lazy parenting, and I’m fine with that, do you boo boo, and I’ll do me.

I only want one

I don’t know many other parents who have gone the one and done route . I am comfortable with my decision, well most days but I do know that people are out there mentally poking holes in proverbial condoms (the way they don’t agree). But hey I know what I can handle and some day’s even one is too much, joking not joking. I’m happy with something that would make others rather unhappy and I’m okay with that.

There are many times I find that I disagree with my friend’s parenting decisions, there are many times people disagree with mine. I mean this post alone has you probably wondering what kind of weird “Pinterest, hippie, helicopter, tiger mom I am”

I believe that the reason there is no “one size fits all parenting manual” out there is because, kids aren’t appliances. Each child is wonderfully different and each parent is too. Sometimes we get it right, sometimes we screw up royally, but what matters most is the love we have for our kids.

And disagree all you want, but respect your friend’s decisions. I wouldn’t feed sugar to my friend’s child knowing they have no sugar rules or spank the child when I know the parents choose a timeout.

Every parent I know (the ones I know, not the A-holes who abuse and use kids, I can’t vouch for them) the parents in my life all love their kids and at the end of it all, that is all we can really ask for, that and oreo cheesecake.

Is there anything you find you agree to disagree with your friend’s about?

4 thoughts on “I disagree with my friend’s parenting decisions, and that’s okay

  1. Luchae Williams says:

    Heck, if I had to list all the things I allow my kids to “get away with”, I will probably get Gelvan Grilled all the way to Cleary Park. But as you so eloquently put it: “do you, boo boo”

  2. Alethea says:

    Thank you is all i can say this makes me feel i am not alone and you have opened my eyes in some aspects which u hve mentioned like the one kid, eating enuf to at least getting something in and the genitals thing #giggling i agree with u…..

  3. Megan Keith says:

    I completely get you on the cry it out thing. I just couldn’t do it. And boy was I judged by someone because I couldn’t do it. But people need to realize that my child and I work best when we stick to what works for us…if that makes sense! Thanks for sharing! Megan xx

  4. Melissa Javan says:

    Love this Ella Bella, I sometimes feel weird at that stuff I do as a mom, but I still don’t change my ways. I love the idea of homeschool but I can’t see myself doing it. I let my kid be independent too, mostly because her dad is such a hippie. And I couldn’t do the cry-out thing either.

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