Wanting another child for all the wrong reasons


only child
I am happy as a mom to an only child,  to avoid fights lets say “I’m keeping an open mind about future reproduction”.
I’ve had people who grew  up as an only child say they would never do that to their kids and I feel that everyone has a right to their opinion, so I do take that into consideration, but would like to note that blood doesn’t make for instant besties (my opinion – I have two siblings)
 I have heard all the arguments by now. How I’m selfish and he is likely to grow up to be a lonely spoilt brat (ignore the fact that I/and probably you, know people with siblings who fit that description perfectly).
Sometimes the arguments are so loud and repetitive you start doubting yourself. You forget your emotional and medical reasons and you think (So what if you landed up in ICU with both births, this is for the greater good)… maybe I should just shut people up and have more kids…
That is a silly reason to fall pregnant… here are more reasons I don’t think are very smart:

1. People keep nagging me
Sometimes I think I should get pregnant just to have a date to give people when they say sooooooooooo whens the next one coming
2.So I can be a “real mom”
Other moms often allude to the fact that I don’t know “real motherhood” “real exhaustion” “real parenting” so I have thought maybe I should get knocked up and then I can exit this Pinocchio parenting I’m involved in…”I  wanna be a real mom”
3.To keep him from being spoilt
I’m not rich enough to good and proper spoil him, so that’s a plus right? I’ve heard that if you have an only child  you run the risk of raising a  spoilt brat so I considered having another one to combat that, in the end I opted to teach him proper values instead…saved me nine months there.
4. He would be lonely
Aidan looked so lonely the other day and I thought he could do with a sibling. The lonely look subsides at school, when his cousin comes over (daily) and when he organises a play date (he does that)…I’ve come to realise that  Aidan draws people to him … lonely(quiet house) is going to be a pipe dream for me. We come from a tight knit family and I know that he will always have a support system.
5. What if something happens to him
People have actually suggested this to me numerous times.I’m like uhm you know I lost a kid already right,this is insensitive, and I don’t need a spare wheel child thank you
6.Who will look after me?
ME! I will! and if I can’t I will make provisions for a funny nurse to watch me, I don’t want to have kids for in case I need a carer
I think kids are awesome and I think you should have as many as you want to just don’t let yourself get bullied into ANYTHING.
These are people not collectors items or Pokemon, I don’t have to catch or collect them all, I just have to build the family I want and right now being a great mom to one and a kick arse aunt to many others is exactly what I want.
 It works for me, find what works for others and stop asking people about their reproductive choices, it’s a lil awkward, just saying.

7 thoughts on “Wanting another child for all the wrong reasons

  1. Anthea O'Neill says:

    Unless people are going to actually suggest that they will be financially supporting your suggested new baby I don’t think their opinion matters. I got very sad this weekend looking at baby photos of my kids and wishing we could have a bigger family than two but my husband doesn’t feel ready. For both of us nothing is set in stone, you might feel ready for more in a few years time or not? It’s 100% your choice!

  2. melissa says:

    I think the only reason why I consider having another child is to see what my child will be like as a big sis. We are far away from family and I see how happy my child gets when she is around other children – at the creche and friends’ children. Your reasons for having another child – los maar.
    Childbirth scares the hell out of me. Oh yes, the other reason is, her daddy wants another sibling for her. She has to wait though – she is still a baby. If people don’t like your stance, say it like I do: “Ek like dinge soe”

  3. melissa says:

    The point is, you invest a lot in your child. I can see this because you do a lot of DIY stuff relating to him. He is growing up with confidence, because he trusts his parents – partly because he is getting spoiled with love and other whatevers. Do you!

  4. Luchae says:

    So, when are you having another child? Coz you know you havent really lived until… bwaaaaaaaaaaaa only play!!! Live your life, sister! People shmeeeple!

  5. Natasha N @Journeywithmum says:

    I dunno if I should laugh or cry at the fact that people said to you, what if something happens to him????!!!! OMG people have nothing better to do than to make stupid comments about other peoples’ lives, instead of actually adding some meaning or benefit to it. People like to tell us we must stop now. BLEGH VOMIT. How dare they!!??
    I envy you cos you got your careerS already developed and established (!!!) and your crafting on, and I love that you do so much with Aidan!! He is a lucky boy, and a child cannot be spoiled by being loved and nurtered.
    It is fun and interesting to have 3 kids close in age….with my anxiety, yeah there are days I can’t breathe, and my voice is hoarse from yelling and I wanna run away…and then there are days when I watch how they care for each other, look out for each other, comfort wach other and play imaginative games together, and when my 3 yo makes jam sandwiches for herself and her 5yo sis and her 1.5 yo old bro, then I burst with love and pride n wouldn’t give that up for the world. But the main thing is, to each his own. Another person cannot force someone else to live their live the way they want it to be done.

  6. Christabelle says:

    Good read as always Elle. I was an only child, and will be mom to no.3 soon! I destested having only 1, but only until I looked at the real reason of why we wanted 3 kids was when we were convicted. Because we enjoy their company, chirps, and raising them as God fearing men, who will one day marry and give us grandchildren! But I agree with you 100%!! No one should be given the lecture. If you told me that you wanted 10, I would have said Go for it! But at the end of the day, (a stranger once told me that God only gives you what your family needs – albeit 1 child!) Stand your ground!
    Christabelle. Mom to Jadon (12), Reiley (3) & “Bean” (coming March 2017)

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