Eleanor can’t take a joke

I know this, because growing up instead of laughing, I got sad when kids teased me about my English accent, unruly hair and thick lips.

I know I can’t take a joke because, eleventy three years later, I’m still haunted by the day my diary was read out in front of the class and also the day the boy I liked was instructed to flirt with me to see if I’d fall for the rediculous premise that he would be interested.

I can’t take a joke because that time they played a childish game of spin the bottle at University cafeteria and it landed on me, the guy whose turn it was got visibly upset, muttered something about having the worst luck and walked out and it made me cry not laugh.

I still couldn’t take a joke when years later him and his friends took a bet to see who could bed me and then scrutinized my every response so I could come across as deluded enough to think I was good enough for them. They threatened to sue me if their girlfriends found out – I guess the girlfriends couldn’t take a joke either.

I can’t take a joke because when people slide into my DMs acting like my own personal broadcast complaints commission it makes me feel incredibly small.

I can’t take a joke because I never know how to act when people expect me to laugh along at my lack of certain skills or treat me like I’m stupid, usually, because for years I played down my own opinions and skills so I would not have to take responsibility for possible failures.

I can’t take a joke because when finding out that people who I considered friends were peppering their conversations with tales of my failures, I tried to ignore it and ghosted them instead of confronting them – you know so we could laugh together.

I guess I can’t take a joke because when I walk into a room I’m always aware that I could be that joke I’m unable to take…

Why am I bringing this up now? It’s because I heard someone say that about someone I love, that they were dramatic and couldn’t take a joke and I just sat there thinking why do they have to take the joke anyways?

I’m so tired of victim blaming or being told not to take offence… How about you stop giving offence?

“you can’t give offence, only take offence” uhmmm so people are never offensive on purpose, oh okay

How about you start realising that maybe people can’t take your joke because you’re not flippen funny.

Can we just get to a point where people are allowed to feel their feelings, where we can say… Joh that was a k*k thing for them to do/say and acknowledge that the “don’t worry about people” defense is fallible…

So yes I remember the times where I was the butt of the joke (the above examples are but a drop in the mental ocean) , but I love who I am now and also I happen to be quite funny if you give me time, also, I can laugh at myself untill I snort and probably try to hit you (I’m those people)

I’m just here to say… That you are entitled to your feelings, you aren’t dramatic. When people say you are full of yourself or you think things revolve around you, it’s okay because full or who must you be? and who else needs to be the main character in your life story?

Point is: You can take a joke, they just aren’t funny