Another day of people pointing a questioning finger at my stomach (“weren’t you pregnant the other day”, they laugh, expecting a glowing new mom ready to show off pictures, not a grieving mom, wondering if she can make it through the day)
Another day of people talking to me, trying hard to ignore the elephant in the room, avoiding the word baby like the plague so as not to upset me (Funny as sometimes all I want with all my heart is to hear his name out loud)
Another day of others trying not to make eye contact (if she doesn’t see me, I don’t have to have an awkward conversation with her)
Another day of people asking if I’m better now, as if I had a touch of the flu and should have recovered by now.
And yet another day of baby related emails coming through because I can’t figure out how to remove my name from mailing list.
In many ways it’s just another day.
I want my days to be lighter, I want to be naïve again…
I want to believe in happy ever afters, in soul mates, in the beauty of new life and the fact that if you do good,good things will happen.
I can’t believe in happy ever afters when happiness is often so far removed from my day to day, when a heavy heart and a wet cheek is my norm.
I struggle to believe in soul mates when death really does part, that is if divorce doesn’t get there first (My husband means the world to me so believing in marital bliss is paramount)
New life, happy pregnancies and trouble free births seem like a fairytale now and I wish it wasn’t so, I want to believe.
I can’t bring myself to believe that good things happen to good people, too many amazing people are living with so much pain, this one can’t be true, maybe the quote I once read is right…
“Expecting the world to treat you good because you are a good person is like expecting a bull not to charge because you are vegetarian”
— I want to believe in happiness, and maybe one day I will, for now I cling to whatever hope and faith I can, I’m told all I need is faith the size of a mustard seed, so there is hope
Oh Ella, I can’t even begin to imagine how your heart hurt, and hurts still. I read one of your other posts about Logan recently, and I couldn’t find the words to comment, but I just wanted to let you know today that I’m sorry you went through this, I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m happy that you have your gorgeous little Aidan to make your heart happy. xx
thank you so much, sometimes I feel like, just get over it girly, so messages of encouragement certainly go a long way
I don’t think anyone (especially anyone who’s ever had a child) could possible expect you to ever truly get over it. I just don’t see how that’s even possible. x
It turns out people are idiots, my mom always reminds me to remember that
There are no words to make you feel okay on a day like today but I hope you’re celebrating him today and I hope you know, it’s okay to just feel whatever you feel today! Sending you love and SO much strength! <3
Thank you Jonelle, this means a lot, you mean a lot
❤
Yours is to never forget him. To celebrate him and commemorate him. Screw society’s awkwardness on it – it never was about them anyway.
Sending you all the love in the world. Here’s to Logan. X
Thank you mommabear 🙂
You touched my soul, you’ve tugged at every string I have. I just want to hold you close and take some of your pain.
Thank you so much my friend
I’m not going to even try to comment, just (((hugs)))
Thank you lady