This isn’t morbid, or woe is me, just a reflection of how bullying altered me and how I hope Aidan doesn’t end up on either side of the bully trap.
Also, Aidan hasn’t bullied anyone (as far as I know) this is more a cautionary tale.

I’ve been bullied since I spoke my first words and my neighbours found my accent offensive.
Bullied since my hair didn’t conform to the norms and honestly, I didn’t; with height and size more suited for fairy school than primary school…
This isn’t about that, though, it’s not about the mean girls…it’s about the mean guys who had me doubting myself so much, I’m still not 100% sure how I view myself.

This isn’t even about the guys who cheated on me (one, in particular, had me sooo in love and blissfully unaware that I was just the “for show” the one mommy approved of, while you run around and just for good measure impregnate exes, that I still cringe when I think about it),
it’s not about me being confronted as the “other woman” while I thought I was “wifey”.
This is about the other guys, the casual comment makers, the laugh in your face’rs,the ones who don’t remember me by a long shot.

I remember them, though…I remember the laughing echoing through the room: someone had just read my diary to the entire class and I was mortified, even more so as  “the boys” started teasing the one whose name was delicately written in the border of said diary…”she” likes you hahahaha they chuckled like he just won the most undesirable prize.

Flash forward to my first day in high school, walking past a bunch of boys who were clearly “too cool for school” they looked at me and one said something to the effect that there was like noooo new talent at school, he caught my eye and then added, a resounding NONE as they all burst out laughing.

I turned a shade of crimson I could feel in my toes. Like at Uni when I got pulled into a game of spin the bottle and when the bottle landed on me the one who spun the bottle practically pleaded for his life. He mumbled something about how he always gets the worst results and how he wanted another turn as I picked up my stuff and stumbled out of the room as fast as I could…

I’ve had worse, I’ve had someone sexting on my stolen phone, starting rumours I still can’t quite get over. I’ve had boys straight out pretend to ask me out just to laugh at the audacity of me thinking they were serious…

Hey! it’s not all bad, I’ve had/have a man who didn’t sleep for a week straight because I was in hospital, walked 10km to catch a bus for me and still wakes me up with coffee most mornings, also, have you seen his eyes…I’m extremely happy.

The thing is, last night I dreamt of an incident like before, someone being so disappointed that they had to spend time with me and it got me thinking…I’m raising a son, one who could easily break someone’s heart like that and I can’t stand the thought…

I will do my best to teach him that laughing along is as bad as starting the joke, not picking up the crying girl’s fallen books is as bad as having “accidently” knocked them down, bullying is never okay and superheroes don’t always wear capes…

Not sure how I will do it, but if at 31 with an amazing husband and great friends you can still have nightmares…The cycle needs to stop.