“Whataboutism” and why it makes me want to smack people

I’m so over this whataboutism nonsense!!! Although this blog is classed as “family lifestyle” I do tend to talk about world issues quite frequently. I figure it still counts as “family lifestyle” because as a detective and a journalist and just members of society, current affairs come up in conversations in our house a lot, so allow me to have a conversation about whataboutism

What is it? Whataboutism (also known as whataboutery) is a variant of the tu quoque logical fallacy that attempts to discredit an opponent’s position by charging them with hypocrisy without directly refuting or disproving their argument, which is particularly associated with Soviet and Russian propaganda.

Trump uses it  a lot , but since I’m not a political expert here is a LINK  to a reliable news source regarding Trump and this.  However, the whataboutism that’s annoying me is closer to home.

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Guilt…my other middle name

I am almost always covered in a thin layer of guilt. a film of guilt floats on top of the ocean of my soul as if I have had an oil spill and now have a bunch of helpful vegetarians on gap year trying to save penguins in the inner recesses of my mind.

I was reading this meme yesterday that said something like “stop being friends with people who don’t check up on you regularly”. I’m one of those people, I envisioned every friend, family member and acquaintance unfriending me in real life after reading that. See I’m not good with keeping in touch. I mean we already established that I’m a sucky friend. So the guilt is somewhat warranted. 

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Learning to live and let live

I never thought of myself as judgemental. Thanks largely to my mom, I have had a pretty liberal upbringing and have always believed that everyone has the right to live their lives the way they see fit….
But a recent conversation with good friends got me thinking…”How judgemental am I really”
One friend voiced her displeasure at seeing seductive pictures on FB where the women have hairy underarms and the other friend asked. . . “but who says shaving is a must?”. . . after trying to sneak a peak at that friend’s underarms (hairless in case you were wondering), I thought to myself, “really who decides these things”

So here I am trying to live a less judgemental life when it comes to the small things… I’m pretty sorted with the big things, like I don’t worry myself about other peoples, religious, political or sexual decisions but the little things need some work….

Some things that make me raise a eyebrow are:

– Super hairy legs in mini skirts
– Sexy arm in the air pictures with hairy underarms
– Shaving off eyebrows to draw them back on
– Extensively ornate hairstyles on a day-to-day basis (like farewell/prom styles to the shop)
– Foundation that doesn’t match your skin colour
– Children past the toddler stage who are still being breastfed
– People that tag themselves with complements #sosexy #hotness #fierce
– People older than me who still have party everyday college like lifestyles
– and the whole those are not pants they are tights or in some cases STOCKINGS thing

I figure that if I want people to respect my decisions I need to give them the same courtesy…
So here is to a life less judgemental!!!

Happy Thursday people 🙂 wish me luck, I just saw someone in practically see through tights and up went the brow!

That awkward moment, when you catch yourself being a b*%ch

Social media can diminish your happy, it can  be really  bad for your self esteem…seriously it can, there is always someone on holiday on some tropical location while you drag yourself out of bed and feel like you should be a honorary Polar Bear Plunger just for making it to the shower.


There is always going to be someone with the cutest short haircut just as you decide to grow yours out, or someone who looks amazing with long hair just after you did the big chop.
Everyone seems to be on some sort of diet and exercise kick and you find yourself eating a chocolate chip cookie with the same sort of rebellious shame you would see from a 15-year-old smoking behind the school tennis courts.
I never saw myself as a bitchy person, I can be happy for others and usually I am, so I was very surprised to find myself eye rolling at other peoples statuses…Ohhhhh you got ANOTHER pair of shoes that could pay for food for a family of five for the next three months, good for you. Or ohhhh another night out and now you don’t know how you are going to face the day in the wake of three bottles of wine… “Wait let me take a selfie”… so you can see the worry in my eye….
I even found myself feeling envious of other peoples entrepreneurial spirit…THAT is when I knew there was something up. I usually get quite a kick out of people succeeding in small business so I knew I was not being myself.
No jinne Eleanor pull yourself towards yourself and get over yourself…hehehehehe
I realised that what was wrong with this equation was not other people, they were just living their lives, being them and since I was never mad about that before – not in the slightest – something must be up with me.
I realised that it is very difficult to be happy for others when you are not happy for yourself. But why wasn’t I happy?
On paper things seem good, a great family, amazing friends…not to mention I share my life and home with two handsome men who think I’m the bees knees… what is up? and then I realised I have been existing not living. I’ve been so caught up in the day to day drudgery of life that I forgot to actually LIVE life.
Living with clinical depression I am used to slumps. For days on end  I will just feel so inconsolably sad that I just get used to it.
But since I decided to live  medication free as much as possible I have been on myself to get my mindset right . . . So that is what I have been doing the last few days and I found being in the moment and doing what I love  made it easy to be happy which in turn makes it easy to be happy for others.

I’m happy for the girl going on her trip because I remember how she had dreamed about it. I think the girl getting into shape looks amazing (should probably get some tips) The one who parties all the time kinda reminds me of my early 20s self and the person with the blossoming new business can now employ others and that is great…. Sometimes you kinda have to admit that you are being a bitch, laugh at yourself and realise it’s not about the hand you are dealt, it’s about how you play your cards 🙂

Here’s to remembering, other’s success is not your failure!

Why my son can play with whatever toy he wants

So the other day a family member raised an eyebrow  and commented on Aidan playing with his cousin’s doll. They teased that I might have to buy him dolls soon *snicker snicker*  I thought about it and wondered, why not? well my own reason for not buying him dolls is because he has like 15 teddies and doesn’t need dolls, but I don’t see why he can’t play with one now and again.

I always thought a child plays to learn or to mirror adult behaviour, I mean isn’t that why toys are miniature versions of adult things? mini musical instruments, mini garden implements, mini stuff?



I see it like this… Little girls play with dolls and learn to be mommies – well in theory. So what if Aidan wants to be a dad one day? why can’t he cuddle and hug a teddy or a doll? he puts his teddies to sleep sometimes, or shares his bottle or feeds them his chips. I guess it is because he sees me do this with him, and he sees his dad do this with him… Robin is by no means a “sissy” (ex-soldier, ex-firefighter and all) and he manages to be a  great  dad. He is very hands on (like most of the dads I know)

He also happens to be a great cook – our house operates in reverse to many others, with dad cooking weekly meals and mom cooking on the weekend (unless dad has had a brain wave and simply MUST try something out)- cooking is Robs hobby and Aidan loves to pass him spices and watch him cook.
So why can’t I get Aidan a cooking set? why is that “frowned upon”

When I was pregnant and found out it was a boy I was kind of freaked out because “What do boys do?”
Do they colour? Do they blow bubbles? what do they do?

Girls can do whatever the heck they want, no one snickers when a girl plays with a car or a kicks a ball around (okay some do but they are all around strange, these people).
With boys you get loads of opinions, like when his gran bought him a shopping trolley full of food for his birthday, some people didn’t “get it” , but what is not to get? men also do shopping.
Aidan even owns a little broom because he sees my mom sweep and kept swiping hers.



I think kids should be able to play with whatever toy they want to, okay I’m not going to lie, if Aidan plays dress up I’d prefer him to be a pirate instead of a princess, a super hero instead of a housewife… But I don’t want to put limitations on him…I’m actually looking for a kitchen set for him, something that is not  too “pink and pretty” not because I have a problem with pink. I just prefer gender neutral toys, like I don’t understand why those ride on horses are brown for boys and pink for girls, not because I don’t like pink, BUT because horses aren’t pink…unicorns might be so maybe stick a horn on it then I’d feel better, hehehe

but my point is….Aidan likes to blow bubbles, write ,play with play dough, make smoothies with me and even insists on using my lip balm, he also loves getting really really dirty, he plays with rocks and sand and sticks and water and he is always vroom vrooming, anything that could be mistaken for a car, also no ball can remain “unkicked” in his vicinity.



Growing up my parents were very open minded, I have some great memories of building things with my dad, and my brother enjoyed preparing food for everyone. Most of our toys were pretty gender neutral-many of which my dad (an electrician) built for us. We had a playground with swings and jungle gym and a big metal drum we used to push each other around in and for pocket money he would let us help him unscrew/reconnect plugs and wires in his workshop.

 My mom played hop scotch with us and got on the jungle gym herself and we had a blast playing with edible play dough.
There was never a case of boy things and girl things…


That is what I want for Aidan, he is a boy who will one day be a  man and I’m hoping he will be a well rounded one who can cook and clean and even horror of horrors, put a baby to bed.




Lessons from motherhood

Today I want to humbly apologise for any harsh judgements I might have made regarding unruly kids. Naturally  I would never voice my opinion out loud (my mother taught me better than that) but I won’t lie…I have looked at unruly kids in shops and restaurants and wondered why their mothers allowed that…*pause to laugh* ALLOW nogal! as if someone would allow their kid to embarrass them in a crowded shopping centre.
Being mother to a particularly busy one-year-old has taught me something very important…You can’t always control their behaviour, you can only control how you react towards the behaviour…My mom told me this about the “Mean Girls” at school and I think the concept translates nicely…
Your child WILL test you, he will insist on pushing the trolley in a crowded shop, scream to ride those R5 machines “one last time”  or grab your glasses off while you are trying to have a conversation with someone, the trick seems to be not to let them see you sweat.
My cousin simply walks away from her daughter when she decides to throw a tantrum, waits for her to finish and then calmly talks to her…Trying to reason with a toddler seems a little crazy, but it seems to work (for some kids not all…)
I’m well aware that asking Aidan why he insists on decanting his plate of chips onto his lap before eating makes me look like a loon, especially when his response is “chippy nom nom”  but I see it as opening the lines of communication.
Honestly I just want it to look like “I don’t condone such behaviour” when actually I’m just glad he is eating something…
Aidan is a handful…He can get out of practically any brand of feeding chair and end up on the table, he insists on walking over to other people’s tables and just standing their like a mini stalker and is only comfortable if he can take one shoe off and put the free foot next to his plate…
He is such a joy though and for now I can control him with a stern voice, a threatening look and some light bribery…The little free spirit teaches me so much and of all the things he has taught me humility is definitely pretty high on the list.