Finding faith in fear

*picture; my mom and Aidy…

U can't control this! Relax! Let go! Let God! You're doing a good job, just trust yourself!

This is what I've been trying to remind myself especially after friends have been giving me "talkings to"

Looks like YET AGAIN I've asked God to take the wheel, but I'm struggling to get my butt out of the drivers seat! at the same time I'm being hard on myself as always.

I have flu and feel like death! My mom took Aidy for a bit yesterday to let me sleep and I woke up with so much guilt!

It just feels like I should be better at this! Why does Aidy cry in my arms, why does it take so much to stay awake and why does this pajama drill have me feeling physically sick?

Wasn't this whole instinct thing supposed to kick in by now? Shouldn't I be more proficient when it comes to "mommying"?

Sometimes I have this nightmare where doctors come to "take Aidan back" because I'm not cutting it!

It feels like all my "mommy friends" just have their shizz together so much more than I do! And I can't tell you the guilt that comes with the relief of my mom taking him for a bit or the exhaustion of sleeping at full alert for a hour or two midday because nighttime and early mornings (according to Aidan) are reserved for crying spells.

I overheard a nurse in hospital tell another nurse that I was clumsy and awkward with Aidan and that seems to be stuck in the back of my head, I don't know why I even listen to such negativity! Especially as the same nurse didn't think I would ever "cut it" with breast feeding and look at me now!

I guess the main thing is that I really wanna get this mommy thing right, not for my own ego, but because I have this ,too big for his boots, little noise maker, who is relying on me to get out of my head, to cut myself some slack, take help when offered and most importantly trust myself . . . Here we go again: No Fear, Just Faith

Sent from my BlackBerry®

4 thoughts on “Finding faith in fear

  1. Liesl says:

    Fear has two meanings.
    1. Forget Everything And Run
    2. Face Everything And Rise

    I know that you will find your feet and rise to this new title. Everything comes with time. This plan for your life was chosen for you long before it even happened and knowing that I have full faith that everything will work out the way it is suppose to. Not everything comes easy or starts off the right way, but that gives so much more joy when it works out in the end.

  2. Cindy says:

    When it comes to being a mommy there's no such think as "cutting it"!
    Every mother has their own routine that suits them and their baby. You do what feels comfortable for YOU and dont let others tell you oh you clumsy, you not doing it right, you supposed to do it like this! You tell them that he's your child and you will handle/treat/ raise him in a way that you feel is right. It will give you such a confidence boost and Aidan will feel it and know that his mommy has "got this" so he does not need to feel insecure about anything. Reason it seems as if your friends have their "shizz together is because they have their OWN routine and they doing their own routine the best they can.Find YOUR OWN routine and do it the best way you know possible!
    All a baby needs is a clean diaper, full tummy and to feel wanted,protected and loved endlessly by the one person that means Everything to him, His Mom! so have faith, and confidence in yourself and keep telling yourself "I'VE GOT THIS!
    Good luck

  3. Anonymous says:

    I wish I could take a brick to that nurse's head πŸ˜‰ she had no right saying that about a first time mommy still finding her feet. Your little boy is sooooooooo beautiful. What's that saying 'Just keep swimming, just keep swimming'. And don't worry Elle, all us new mommies a stretched to a point we have never before! That's when our mommies step in and help. Can't wait to see you, you brill mommy πŸ™‚ and don't let anyone else tell your otherwise!! Luvs Liezel S

  4. Rochelle says:

    Elle I can promise you that there's no mom in the world, who is a first time mother, that feels they are cutting it. You are learning as you go along.. I felt exactly the same way you do. I used to be so relieved when my mom took baby, or when hubby took him. It's because we are not used to having someone with us, relying on us 24/7 that we sometimes feel we need that "space". And with the relief comes guilt because you feel so terrible for feeling that way. But guess what? you are not alone. You are NORMAL..Pretty soon you will be so used it and your body will begin to adjust.. I think after he reaches 6weeks, you will start to notice the change. Strongs dear and don't be so hard on yourself

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