*picture; my mom and Aidy…
U can't control this! Relax! Let go! Let God! You're doing a good job, just trust yourself!
This is what I've been trying to remind myself especially after friends have been giving me "talkings to"
Looks like YET AGAIN I've asked God to take the wheel, but I'm struggling to get my butt out of the drivers seat! at the same time I'm being hard on myself as always.
I have flu and feel like death! My mom took Aidy for a bit yesterday to let me sleep and I woke up with so much guilt!
It just feels like I should be better at this! Why does Aidy cry in my arms, why does it take so much to stay awake and why does this pajama drill have me feeling physically sick?
Wasn't this whole instinct thing supposed to kick in by now? Shouldn't I be more proficient when it comes to "mommying"?
Sometimes I have this nightmare where doctors come to "take Aidan back" because I'm not cutting it!
It feels like all my "mommy friends" just have their shizz together so much more than I do! And I can't tell you the guilt that comes with the relief of my mom taking him for a bit or the exhaustion of sleeping at full alert for a hour or two midday because nighttime and early mornings (according to Aidan) are reserved for crying spells.
I overheard a nurse in hospital tell another nurse that I was clumsy and awkward with Aidan and that seems to be stuck in the back of my head, I don't know why I even listen to such negativity! Especially as the same nurse didn't think I would ever "cut it" with breast feeding and look at me now!
I guess the main thing is that I really wanna get this mommy thing right, not for my own ego, but because I have this ,too big for his boots, little noise maker, who is relying on me to get out of my head, to cut myself some slack, take help when offered and most importantly trust myself . . . Here we go again: No Fear, Just Faith
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